BaileyB Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I don't know your laws. But can one obtain a green card for a marriage when they have little evidence of an actual relationship? My commonsense tells me that if I was assessing this, I'd look at the fact there one visit and a year of email and disregard the relationship as not being legitimate. I know someone who is currently going through the process. They have known each other for three years, travelled together, and lived together (while travelling). They had to provide documentation - plane tickets, hotel receipts, pay Stubbs, they have to write love letters, they have to travel for an interview and a physical... and the follow up continues for years after they marry. It is expensive and it is not an easy or fast process. I don’t think you would have the documentation to prove that you have an actual, long standing relationship... because you don’t have it. And, to marry someone you don’t know is just plain silliness... 1
Gaeta Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 OP: Why would you do it? You have not said one positive thing about this woman. You recognize she is spoiled and never had to fetch for herself. You also are aware she is highly motivated by optaining a green card. So my question to you is what's in it for you? Why would you go along with this? 1
Artdeco Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I think the main argument against it would be that he would have to marry her, then she would get the green card automatically, but then he carries the risk - for 10 years - to foot the bill, if she ever should collect government support after a D. That is something to really think about, but if op loves her, who am I to judge. OT question, Just out of curiosity: how did op get into the country? Based on what? How long ago was that? And what credentials did he bring with it in order to be granted a work visa?
Millie the Cat Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Only do this if you feel she is the "one." I have an educational assistant who works in my classroom from Columbia and she met her husband online 12 years ago or so. It was truly about love for them, though. She was already very successful professionally in Columbia, and was able to get work here. She even worked as a Spanish teacher in a private school for a while (don't need a teaching certification to teach in a private school.) She has a 6 year old child with her husband, and he never even wanted her to work in the first place, but she wants to do so to keep busy and active. This might be a special case because she already had a masters degree and wasn't focusing on just finding a husband from another country, it just happened they found each other online. She didn't know English very well at first, but basically taught herself. She speaks English fluently now and actually interprets for parent meetings at our school, and translates brochures and such for the school district in Spanish. They are very in love and very happy, but both really were in it all for love from the git-go.
bachdude Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 You met once and it went 'pretty well'? That sounds like a great basis for a marriage and taking on a huge financial responsibility and risk! 2
fiskadoro Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I think marrying her would be a big mistake if you want a true long term marriage based on mutual affection and companionship. I taught English as a Second Language for well over ten years, and I formerly lived abroad for several years. Over this time I have lost track of how many of my female students, coworkers, friends and acquaintances were open about their desire to marry a guy solely for the paper. A lot of times they come across some basic, willfully naive guy who is often just kind of beside himself with the good luck to have met such a lovely angel... who is often just the sort of woman that, had she been born here, would not touch him with a ten foot pole. Do some of these marriages last? Yes! But you should do your homework on the country and culture of the woman, and NOTHING you described in your post sounds like a woman who is of marrying age and just so happens to want to live in an English speaking western country. And a lot of time the guy finds himself in a sexless marriage of convenience with a woman who dotes on her children and ignores him, maintains friendships (all kinds of "friendships") in a language her husband cannot understand, and has cultural connections to family and others back home that prove ruinous to the marriage. You know nothing about Japanese culture? Nor the language?????? Research marriages between western guys and Japanese women where there is a language barrier and all the guy has to go on is what she tells him. You are playing with fire.
kheratha Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Well....I guess if you're questioning yourself like that, you are not prepared to marry her. You said you met once and it went 'pretty well'...so not even close to great or awesome. So, for me it's sounds like a bad idea.
soyou Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Why dont you ask her to come for a visit and stay with you for a month on a tourist's visa? Within this one month, you will be able to see whether she's sincere and she's truly a good match for you or not? Marrying somebody after one meet-up is beyond crazy!
Rockdad Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 She has nothing to lose and everything to gain. You risk a great deal emotionally and financially for years on a chance to buy a wife you don't actually know. What you do know she is a kept woman by her parents with no interest in financially contributing to your household. What could possibly go wrong?? Everything!
Els Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) I personally got a H1b visa with a bachelor degree, so yes it's possible. The other poster and yourself have been showing lots of interest in discussing and showing off your knowledge in visa regulation. I personally have little interest in going technical with that matter. There are forums who specialize in those topics, this one is dedicated to relationships and that's what I'm here for. Actually, we have offered plenty of advice regarding your relationship. Some of the advice offered here includes meeting up again multiple times first, you going to Japan instead to test the waters, or giving up and dating locally. However, you only fixated on the post that challenged your opinion that the only way to proceed from here should be for her to apply for H1B and move to the US because it's so "easy". Look, as much as you'd be a fool to jump in and marry a woman you've only met once, she would be an equal fool to firstly attempt to apply for a H1B with only secretarial work experience, and to secondly, if by some amazing miracle her H1B is approved while applications by many engineers and nurses and programmers are declined, leave her family and the only life she's ever known behind to move to a foreign country with a man whom she's only met once and who isn't even committed enough to her to help her immigrate. LDRs are a compromise. You can't expect the other person to do all the work, apply for everything, move to you, while you don't lift a finger. Edited August 2, 2018 by Elswyth
BaileyB Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I personally got a H1b visa with a bachelor degree, so yes it's possible. The other poster and yourself have been showing lots of interest in discussing and showing off your knowledge in visa regulation. I personally have little interest in going technical with that matter. There are forums who specialize in those topics, this one is dedicated to relationships and that's what I'm here for. Fair enpugh. You want relationship advice... only a fool would consider marrying a woman that he has met once. You don’t know this woman, why in the world would you want to put yourself at risk in this way. It’s insanity.
Els Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Fair enpugh. You want relationship advice... only a fool would consider marrying a woman that he has met once. You don’t know this woman, why in the world would you want to put yourself at risk in this way. It’s insanity. Additionally, I don't understand why the OP is so fixated on closing the distance RIGHT NOW with a woman whom he doesn't even seem to like all that much. Generally LDR couples meet up quite a few more times (or at least once for a long period of time, like if he went to Japan to teach English for a few months) before making a life-changing move like that. I get that plane tickets are expensive, but if you can't afford that, you certainly can't afford one person's visa application fees and relocation expenses.
vickyp Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 I think you should watch the show " 90 day fiancé" 1
Author seixal Posted August 4, 2018 Author Posted August 4, 2018 Additionally, I don't understand why the OP is so fixated on closing the distance RIGHT NOW with a woman whom he doesn't even seem to like all that much. Generally LDR couples meet up quite a few more times (or at least once for a long period of time, like if he went to Japan to teach English for a few months) before making a life-changing move like that. I get that plane tickets are expensive, but if you can't afford that, you certainly can't afford one person's visa application fees and relocation expenses. I wouldn't be the one moving nor applying for any sort of visa so affording those things aren't a concern of mine.
Thingsfallapart Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I lived and worked in Japan for 7 years. It’s not unusual for Japanese women to still live with their parents until the age of 28 or so but they usually are married by that time... If she is 32 and not married in Japan she would be considered a little slow on getting on with her life... Has she had many relationships with foreigners. Unfortunately there are some women who in Japan that are called “gaijin chasers”. Women who only date foreigners. What do you really know about her or her past? Have you even had sexual relationship with her? I think you should suggest going to japan and staying with her for a few weeks. If she loves you she would be happy wherever you lived. Why don’t you tell her you want to live in Japan? If she responds negatively it means that she is just unhappy in Japan and wants to leave...
Author seixal Posted August 4, 2018 Author Posted August 4, 2018 very bad idea brother...find a Japanese girl who is already here on a green card I think this is the best solution.
Els Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 (edited) I wouldn't be the one moving nor applying for any sort of visa so affording those things aren't a concern of mine. So, - You don't want to travel to meet her - You don't want to move to her - You don't want to help her with the relocation expenses or visa - In order for this relationship to progress in any meaningful way, she must move to you, handle the visa on her own, and pay the relocation expenses on her own, with no involvement from you Seriously, why are you even in this long distance "relationship"? It's ridiculous to carry on and expect that things will magically happen. Just break up with her and move on already. At the very least do her a favour and give her the above information so she can break up with you. Edited August 4, 2018 by Elswyth
ElKay Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 If you want to risk legal problems and liability for 10 years, that's up to you. Do you have enough money to afford her health care costs for the next 10 years?
Author seixal Posted August 4, 2018 Author Posted August 4, 2018 So, - You don't want to travel to meet her I never said that I didn't want to travel. - You don't want to move to her Moving to Japan isn't easy. It isn't immigration friendly the way the USA, Canada or a European can be. Career options for foreigners are limited in Japan even for those with a good language command. While it's an interesting country, living there isn't feasible and I wouldn't want to live there either. - You don't want to help her with the relocation expenses or visa I don't see why the burden of paying for her relocation and visa would fall on me. In order for this relationship to progress in any meaningful way, she must move to you, handle the visa on her own, and pay the relocation expenses on her own, with no involvement from you She is the one desiring to move to the US. She makes a living while living at home, I need to pay for rent. Offering to pay for the expenses she is eager to benefit from would only encourage and reinforce behaviors and attitudes I do not believe in. I believe in gender equality, I think women are smart enough to thrive in any career they want to get into. I do not believe in the idea that women are entitled to be financially supported by a man, colloquially called a "sugar daddy".
Els Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I never said that I didn't want to travel. So what is the problem with visiting a few more times before taking a plunge? Moving to Japan isn't easy. It isn't immigration friendly the way the USA, Canada or a European can be. Career options for foreigners are limited in Japan even for those with a good language command. While it's an interesting country, living there isn't feasible and I wouldn't want to live there either.[/Quote] I'd point out that her moving to the US isn't going to be easy either, but you've already said you don't want to talk about that. I don't see why the burden of paying for her relocation and visa would fall on me. She is the one desiring to move to the US. She makes a living while living at home, I need to pay for rent. Offering to pay for the expenses she is eager to benefit from would only encourage and reinforce behaviors and attitudes I do not believe in. I believe in gender equality, I think women are smart enough to thrive in any career they want to get into. I do not believe in the idea that women are entitled to be financially supported by a man, colloquially called a "sugar daddy".[/Quote] It's not about gender. In order for someone to make such a huge move in order to close the distance, couples tend to be committed enough to each other that it would be a joint effort. They would research options together, look at visas or hire an immigration advisor together, and yes, share the costs of relocation. If it's all just about "your problem isn't my problem", you are frankly not at the stage where anyone should be considering such a move. It would be incredibly stupid for anyone, male or female, to take the proposition that you are offering. If all she wants to do is move to a Western country, there are far easier options than the US.
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