Millie the Cat Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 This guy I worked with, but never went out with, texted me and said we should "hang out" before summer's over. I texted back "That would be fun." I then noticed there was a long gap in his response so I added "I'm pretty free the next couple weeks." then he waits an hour or so and texts "How about a short hike on Friday afternoon?" This is not a date, is it? Because I would like to date him, but it doesn't really seem like a date, does it? Just a short hike. I would think he would ask me out for drinks or dinner if he was asking me out on a date. I'm kind of confused here.
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 I would suggest that it's probably not a date. I say this mostly because he asked you to "hang out" and then there was a long gap in his response... Go on the hike. Have fun - have no expectations. If you enjoy it, tell him that you would like to get together again... And see what he does. Men who are interested will make their interest known... It doesn't mean that they don't need a little encouragement from time to time and you are certainly able to ask him out on a date if that's what you want. Just, watch how he responds during/after the hiking date because his actions will tell you if he's interested, or not so much... 2
Lotsgoingon Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 He might be playing things safe by keeping the first meeting short. It's a date if it's a date--meaning if you guys connect and exchange good energy, why wouldn't it be a date? This guy might be on a tight budget or sick of taking people to dinner and wants a more active date that isn't costly. BTW: next time cool it on the "I'm free the next couple of weeks." Sounds a little too desperate ... you told him "that would be fun" in response to his "hangout" request ... and that's enough! Let him take the next step and if he doesn't leave him alone. "I'm free the next couple of weeks" makes it seem like you have nothing else going on in your life but to sit around and prioritize him. Instead, you want to signal to him--as well as to yourself--that time with him is one of many possible ways you can spend your days in the next few weeks, and he DOESN'T have all the time in the world to ask you out. And to ensure this isn't posturing, find some fun activities so that you don't think of yourself as "free the next couple of weeks." You might respond to a request like this with "That would be fun? When did you have in mind?" ... or narrow the window ... "Next week works for me." Trust me: this is for your own confidence as much as for seeming confident with him. 1
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Does it really matter if it's a date? Just go and have fun with the guy! Get to know him a little and don't put any pressure on things... All will be revealed in good time... Have fun! 3
guest569 Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Always a bit hard to tell when they ask you to "hang out", bit vague. But I suspect there is some interest there. Go and have a nice time and see where it leads. 2
PegNosePete Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 You mention you worked with him. These days of frivolous sexual harassment claims (there are many valid ones too, of course!), it can be risky for a man to hit on a woman in the workplace. He may be testing the water by asking for a hang out. If you turned out to be the type to go crying to HR, he could quite honestly say he just asked to hang out, like he would with a male colleague. Don't label it. Just go. See what happens. If it goes well, go for a drink afterwards. 1
act00 Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Chances are, it is a "date." I suspect there has been a "vibe" of mutual interest, no? He's possibly putting out the feelers on your interest. Hiking would not be my cup of tea for a first date, but it's certainly a chance to talk and get to know each other, and afterwards, if things are going well, maybe a bite to eat or plan to go home and clean up, meet later, or plan on meeting the next day or something. Dating coworkers can be a slippery slope, so proceed with caution, and this is probably just a way of easing into it. I had one of these, where he planned a meal but at 2 o'clock on a Sunday...kind of platonic. I was a bit thrown...date? Platonic? I met him at work as well, and it seemed there was interest, but on that same note, I knew he socialized with other work people (women) from time to time. No kiss, no hand-holding...I was a little lost on his intentions. We planned another time to meet...yes, he was interested. So, my only advice is that stated already - go, have fun, and see what transpires. A hike with a friend won't kill your day, and maybe something more will come of it. 1
caveman621 Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Just guessing, but I think your real question is, "Is he interested?" I'm going to say yes. He wants to start out with a "safe" date. "Hey, it's just a short hike". Then, if that goes well, move on to asking you on a real "date." So, like some others have said, don't try to define it. Just go and have fun and let it lead where it leads.
Author Millie the Cat Posted August 1, 2018 Author Posted August 1, 2018 Thanks, everyone. It's just that there was a lot of buildup to this (I am a teacher and he was flirting a lot with me at work, and stopping by all school year. He left in June to pursue another job opportunity so we no longer work together.) But my coworkers at work could tell he liked me and asked if we were going out since he was in my room allt he time. I'm also a bit disappointed because he waited almost 7 weeks after school got out to text me. Because he had said "we should get together over the summer" on the last day of school. So to me he doesn't seem THAT interested if he waited this long into the summer. (He wasn't that busy, he said he was just teaching summer classes at a community college and a few "projects" around the house. So weeks and weeks later to get a text for a "short hike" is a bit of a let down after all the buildup all school year. I'll go on the hike and see how it goes. I just wanted to be able to look cute, wear "date" clothes, and hard to do that. Plus it's a Friday afternoon hike, so then Friday evening - he could just be thinking an easy escape "Oh I have plans" because it's Friday night and take off. Guess I was hoping he was more excited to go out.
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Maybe. It could go either way. As your colleague who wants to "hang out" it could be just friends hiking. However, it could be a safe way for him to be asking you out, to save face if things don't turn romantic. Since you want it to be a date, treat it like one & flirt. See what happens.
guest569 Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Whoa, he took 7 weeks to ask you? "hey we should hang out.. In 2 months time" is weird. That's a huge let down. Was he seeing someone and it didn't work out perhaps. Sounds like he was definitely interested in you but got a little distracted. Oh well, maybe you'll find out what the heck he has been doing in the past 7 weeks. 1
Juha Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 I feel like he was unsure about things since you do work together. I think he has interest, this is a qualifying date to see how you two are in a low key setting without too much risk. I see nothing wrong with a hike together to see how you get along, if you are having a good time I would think a bite to eat and drink would be in the cards afterwards... Don't try to overthink things, just relax and have a fun time together. Go with the flow! I wish you the best 2
Author Millie the Cat Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 Whoa, he took 7 weeks to ask you? "hey we should hang out.. In 2 months time" is weird. That's a huge let down. Was he seeing someone and it didn't work out perhaps. Sounds like he was definitely interested in you but got a little distracted. Oh well, maybe you'll find out what the heck he has been doing in the past 7 weeks. I felt like it was the last day of school, he had been flirting with me all year, he finally asks me out when we are no longer coworkers, but then doesn't contact me. So I don't know if it is real interest or not. I guess I will find out. Because having gotten to know him at work, it seemed he would have contacted me sooner. I was shocked that after this much time had passed, he texted me at all as I had moved on. I guess that is the good thing is that while I like him and want to date him, I can easily let go and move on if it turns out he isn't interested romantically, or the hiking date goes sour.
Author Millie the Cat Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 Sounds romantic to me. Thanks, I hope so! I appreciate the support, Doost.
preraph Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Unless he relates to you like a pal type at work, I'd say it's a date. Most guys don't go out of their way to ask out a woman if they're not a little interested. Now, exceptions would be someone lonely because they're new to town. Or someone you just have a friendship like with another woman. 1
MajesticUnicorn Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I would just go into it with an open mind, focus on getting to know him, and see where it goes. Maybe grab a bite to eat or a drink after if things are going well. I went on a hiking date a few weeks ago which led to dinner afterwards, and it was actually really fun. Yes maybe a bummer you can’t get all dolled up, but I think hiking is a great way to get to know someone! 1
OatsAndHall Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 Absolutely. I've gone hiking on a nature trail around here on many dates. There's a bench with a wonderful view of the Missouri River half way down the trail so there's a romantic vibe to all of it. 1
basil67 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 There's plenty of time to get dolled up on future dates. 1
guest569 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 I felt like it was the last day of school, he had been flirting with me all year, he finally asks me out when we are no longer coworkers, but then doesn't contact me. So I don't know if it is real interest or not. I guess I will find out. Because having gotten to know him at work, it seemed he would have contacted me sooner. I was shocked that after this much time had passed, he texted me at all as I had moved on. I guess that is the good thing is that while I like him and want to date him, I can easily let go and move on if it turns out he isn't interested romantically, or the hiking date goes sour. Yes I would have thought he would jump at the chance to organise something as soon as you were no longer colleagues! If it goes sour at least you'll have sensible shoes to make a run for it given that he seemed to be blatantly flirting the past yr, good sign it's a date. But the 7 week build up, not so sure. Good luck and have fun! Would like to hear how it went.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 3, 2018 Posted August 3, 2018 Generally speaking guys don't suggest you should "hang out" or "get together" unless they are interested in you; whether it's hang out at someone's apartment or hang out on a hiking trail. Unless of course you've already well established the two of you are strictly friends. Relax, be yourself, enjoy the hike and who knows what it may lead to. 1
act00 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I'm anxious for an update. Isn't the hike this weekend? I don't find the time from the end of school/last day and finally contacting the OP particularly alarming. The guy got cold feet, or maybe he was unable to present a solid date with the end-of-day and end-of-school commotion...who knows? What I suspect in my mind is he was kicking himself for not being more bold. A week out of school...wishing he (or her) would have been more bold...week 2...week 3...still thinking, wishing. He may have attempted several texts, possibly considered friending her on FB, sending a FB message...six weeks later, he bites the bullet and pulls out an "ask." A safe ask, a "let's see how things go" ask, let's hike...platonic...romantic...get to know you. Despite the chemistry between them, he's insecure on her feelings, just as she is insecure about his. He didn't pounce immediately, but he did it...he asked.
Author Millie the Cat Posted August 4, 2018 Author Posted August 4, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone. Had a good time hiking. Then he suggested we find a place for dinner and we happened to find a really good place nearby. Then we went for a drive (I live near a mountain so it's pretty). So he kept extending the date. I am going out of town on Saturday for a few days and he asked me when I would be returning. So I assume he is interested in doing something when I get back from my trip I teased him at dinner about he said he said we would hang out this summer, and he said "I have been so busy with projects." He told me what he was up to. He really has been busy! I think he was just sidetracked with that stuff. He has been out of the dating game for a long time, and has been divorced 5 years and hasn't dated really since then. So I think it will be slow... He made the comment "I had so much more fun than I thought I would have." Don't know how to take that. So I teased him a little about that comment. Then we laughed. He seems to need a "push" about dating. While I had a good time, I'm not sure if I myself am interested in him as more than a friend. But I certainly would get together with him again. He didn't make any moves, which I wasn't expecting. Edited August 4, 2018 by Millie the Cat
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