Help Please! What To Do!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Here is the Situation: My ex broke up with me one month ago. Had not had any contact what so ever since the day we broke up. It has been a little over one month NC.

 

Now I really want to make contact. She has a new boyfriend. We were together for 4 years. She dropped me like nothing. I found out she was talking to this guy behind my back for a little over two months.

 

Personally I am doing pretty good. But I mean. Sometimes I want her back more than anything (Like right now). I want to make contact with her but I do not want to get hurt again. She has not called me or anything. She doesnt care it seems like. 4 years of my life and she throws me away like nothing. Pretty hard to fathem.....Ill live throught it...I just really want to try to get her back. I dont know what to do. Help Please people. You guys have been here for me. Right now I dont have anyone to talk to.

 

What to do????

 

Should I call her? Would It help?

Continue with NC?

- She is always with this new guy. So I really dont want her to talk about him in front of me. I personally want to get over her as fast as I can.

 

Give me your insights!

 

Thanks

[Jayhawks]

Calling her will just make you look desperate and needy. She will love the attention but will see you as a pathetic weakling.

You need to continue NC until you can move on without any feelings for her. She left you and you need to let it rest. Do not talk about her to mutual friends as it will get back to her.

I know it hurts after 4 years but you have no choice. She has moved on and you have to suck it up and find another love. If on the remote chance that she does want you back she will let you know but I would recommend not going back even if she calls. Remember she left you for another man and she was seeing him while you were still together. Do you really want a gal like this back????? NOOOOOOOO. YOU DO NOT...

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Thanks Jayhawks...I understand what you mean. But I mean she is very stubborn....Personally i do not think she will ever call. But If she does hopefully I will be over her. I really want her back. I really want to talk to her. I am going to take your advice and stick to NC. I hope that I never see her.

 

What would the contact do for me?

 

Probably nothing! It would probably only hurt me more wouldnt it? She would just talk about this guy probably. He is 4 years older than her but I mean that doesnt mean anything.

 

I just want to talk but what is the talking going to accomplish?

 

Is there any chance of friends?

 

How long should I continue NC?

 

I have done a great job. one month since we broke up and havent broken NC once.

 

thanks again. Keep them coming I need help big time....struggling

[pippen_2k]

Im preety sure you have the insight already dude, its just hard to accept it though.

 

If you contact her she will either be very ubrupt, wont answer or give you news you really dont wanna know.

 

She dumped you so its up to her if contact is to be re-established. But quite frankly that probably wont happen anytime soon if she has a new man.

 

These girls can be ruthless sometimes ( so can guys ), and I know it sucks how you can be a big part of someones life one day and mean absolutley nothing the next... but thats life and most of us have experienced these sorts of feelings.

 

Do yourself a favour and dont contact her. I know hearing her voice might be a quick fix for your pain, but the long term implications will only cause you grief.

[heartnsoul]

Honestly, contacting her now will only make you hurt that much more. You have to let her go through the motions with this new guy. You had a lengthy relationship and I can pretty much tell you that this is a 'rebound' fling.

 

I know that imagining her with someone else is bringing you feelings of despair but you have to stay strong!! DO NOT CONTACT HER! Occupy your mind somehow....go for a walk....read a book....anything.

 

Here's a link that helped me so much with a previous ex.

 

http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/yourwebpage1.msnw

[waitingwaitingonyou]

The NC has been in so much effect. But is it working? I can not see it working.. I am not over her any much more than the first day that we broke up. Personally, I really want her to feel how I felt that day when she told me it was over.

 

I know that sounds bad but that is what I want. I dont think she will ever feel that pain that I felt. I was her first real boyfriend. She is 26 years old. I am 25. Well everyone.

 

What is the NC going to accomplish? I dont understand what NC does. I was hoping it would make me get over her quicker but I do not see it happening anytime soon.

 

She is with this other guy. It pisses me off

[Jayhawks]

NC allows you to get over the person but it doesn't do it right away. You have to realize that you had a 4 year relationship. Your lives were intertwined for a good, long time. Even with NC it takes time for your feelings to ebb. Without NC you are constantly exposed anew to your feelings and they never have a chance to disengage. NC is for you, not her. She probably is not over you when she had feelings for 4 years. This guy is just masking her feelings for now. As someone Else pointed out, he is a rebound guy. Some people move on by attaching themselves to a new lover.

 

I know you want her to suffer but you have to believe in you and, you should be grateful, that you found out she was not in it for the long haul. Try to put her out of your mind and keep yourself busy. There is no pill to end your emotions so you need to take it day by day. Some days will be better than others. When you get to the point that you have taken her off the pedestal then you are healing. Seeing her flaws is a good sign. Love is hard and there is pain involved but you do have the capacity to love again.

 

Remember that, in life, to appreciate the good ones we have to endure some bad.

[lamar_84]

Hey man just hang in there. I had the same exact thing happen to me by my ex, the only difference is that she was pregnant by the other guy about a month later. When she told me it was over i always called her asking if we could get back together, what did i do wrong. The more I called and poured out my feelings to her the more she didnt care.

 

Dont let it happen to you. Do yourself the biggest favor and dont call her. Listen to me when i tell you this "DONT CALL" because you will just set yourself up for failure. You say its been a month of nc. Its takes 8 weeks to break a habit, you're halfway done......Wish the best for you man

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Well I got through the day without calling. I was thinking about some of the things that you guys have said and I think your right.

 

I am not going to call her ever.

 

She delivers my mail to my apartment but she just puts in the box and drives off. I was thinking about going out there one day when she drives by but right now I have decided not to.

 

I think this is one of the things in my life that has happened for a reason!

 

I hope I have the courage to do one more month of NC. I also hope that it does take 8 weeks to break a habit because that means i only have about 3 more weeks to go.

 

I am feeling a little better now. I think she is with this new guy and they are alike in many ways. I hope they stay together because I dont want her running back and hurting me again.

 

Thanks

[upsetnhurt]

I am at the 8 week mark and I will say that the urge to call has dropped off a bit. By no means do I not think about my ex...as she is still on my mind 24/7. Don't put all your hopes in an old saying......take it day by day and know that you are doing this for a reason.....and she put you into this situation. Good luck and and better this happened now that lots later......

[waitingwaitingonyou]

I am getting that urge again. I typed up a little email of about two paragraphs but I did not send it to her. Maybe I should have contacted her right after the breakup or maybe I should have tried to make things better. It is over a month now.

 

Want to talk to her but I dont want to get hurt. I am trying to vent here guys. I do not really have anyone to talk to besides you guys on this site. I live in Norway....I am so far away from home.

 

In the email I was going to send I just was going to ask her if she thought about me? That would be bad to say I guess because what if she said NO. Well I dont know. What to do!

 

SH(T

[upsetnhurt]

I am sure she thinks about you yet don't you think that if she wanted to she would contact you? You mentioned she has a new boyfriend.....why would you think she would just drop him for you now? Nothing has changed here......if you contact her she will know she can have you at any time and that will push off any reconciliation (although I am 99% sure there won't be one) further away. Why did you break up again?

[waitingwaitingonyou]

We broke up because she left one weekend and I didnt know where she was at. Talked to her on a friday and said that she was with a friend camping (A girlfriend). When she came back on sunday i asked her if she was with a guy and she said yes. She simply said she fell out of love with me.

 

The next day the guy was with her. People saw them at the store and stuff. I went and moved out all my things that day and got an apartment. I havent talked to her since august 1st. over a month.

 

I know that there is probably no chance of reconciliation....but we were together for 4 years. A long time. I did lots of things for her. I know that doesnt mean anything but. I just wish she would care about me again. But I know that is pretty hard....

[waitingwaitingonyou]

hey upset do you have MSN or anything like that. I would like to talk to you ...seem like a nice person...could use some help....

[lamar_84]

hey if you care for mine it is [email protected]

[upsetnhurt]

Waiting for you,

 

You really need to sit back and think about this for a minute.......what is it that you expect from a girlfriend and what makes you love her? Do you really want someone who you are willing to love unconditionally yet they are willing to go out and hang with the first guy they find attractive and who knows what they did if anything???? Obviously there was little communication to begin between the two of you. What would you do if you spoke with her, beg or plead for her to come back? What good would that do unless she makes the decision to change herself for the better? That is why this is out of your control....it is entirely her problem to deal with and you can't solve it for her. The only control you have is to ensure that you make yourself the best you can be and enjoy life.......I know it is excrutiating as I too am trying to follow my own advice and it is a killer most times.....yet unfortunately no matter what we have done for our ex's, it is up to them to value it the way they should. Realistically, you deserve someone who would never put you through this traumatic experience, someone who values you as much as you do them.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey guys. Well now i think No contact has backfired. My ex has not called me one time. I guess that she does not care about me anymore. SHe dumped me July 31st I havent heard a thing since. But I have not given into calling her. Well People I guess it is over. I am heartbroken..

 

I love her more than anything in the world. It is going to take time for me to let her go.

 

She left me for another man. Should I send an email telling her how I feel? Or should I just keep moving on? I dont know what is best to do? I want to tell her everything I am feeling? Is it going to help. I need to know. I feel like I am dying here. I want her back so bad. It has been almost 6 weeksn NC. I think I didnt do the right thing. I did not fight for her. I did not whine, cry, scream. I just said OK and moved all my stuff out and havent heard from her since. 4 years of my life down the drain. What to do......Need advice....

 

Tell me help please

[francis]

no contact has not backfired because you have walked away with dignity in tact. DO NOT CONTACT HER, if she broke up with you and hasnt contacted you since, she is sure of her choice and decision.

 

take control of your life now, a life that doesnt involve her.

 

dont show her you're weak. let her remember you as the strong, dignified man who walked away gracefully with the attitude 'oh well, it's her loss'...

 

Be a man she should feel lucky to even know, you are the prize and she's missing out now.

 

6 weeks NC is an amazing achievement, but its for you, to protect and heal you...

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Yeah I know francis. But I feel like I am not getting anywhere with this. We were together for 4 years. I did everything for that girl. And she just dumps me like that....

 

She has not called one time.

 

I have done a great job with the NC dont get me wrong but I mean....How far does it go. This weekend I am leaving town for the weekend and going out with friends in a large town. I am goign to have fun.

 

I hope this helps!!

 

I guess your right about contacting her.

 

Dont you think though that if she wanted to contact me then she would contact me? I dont think so....she is so stubborn..

 

keep the help coming.

[francis]

ok, maybe take this harsh, no excuses view...

 

she has let you go...by not contacting you, she is showing no interest or concern in what you are doing, how you are, where you are, who you're with.

 

i cannot fathom how someone can cut a person out of their life in such a way so abruptly and coldly...but at least she is not giving you mixed messages, teasing you, leading you on, planting hope in your mind.

 

she's gone, she's left your life, she no longer wants to be part of it.

 

you have to get this into your head, and stop driving yourself insane with questions. dont make excuses or suggest possible explanations for her unless she comes back and wants to talk.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Yeah I think you are right! She does not want me in h er life!

 

SO should I?

1. Keep up no contact going forever with her, go on with my life....enjoy things and try to find someone else. Try to reorganize my life?

 

2. Call her and spill my guts about how I feel and see if she feels the same way? I could really get hurt on this one.

 

Thanks fransis. I think I know the anwser on this one. It would have to be NUMBER 1. I need to be more positive!!

 

Thanks again...I hope I can get over her. But I still think that no contact has not helped me that much! I hope I dont regret this one day!

[francis]

Ok, the best thing to do is to forget her, let her go...

 

Your life belongs to you, go out this weekend, enjoy yourself, you are a free agent

 

Don't phone her. She ended it, why would she want you phoning her whining about how hurt you are? why would she care?

 

Don't live your life according to her standards, feelings, beliefs etc, she has nothing to with your life now.

 

Just look at it like you have a new fresh start, a new you, and get on with it, leave the past behind.

[waitingwaitingonyou]

I need to leave that past behind and get on with it. I am a lot stronger than how I am acting now. I need to enjoy life. It is too short to ponder over a person. I am a free agent. Its alot better than bein on the DL or retierd. Free agent isnt so bad to think about. IM just going to live my life like I know how. I have a good job. Apartment. Money. I am doing pretty good for myself. I think!! I hope everything works out for me.

 

Thanks Fracis!!

 

You da man!

[waitingwaitingonyou]

Hey everyone. I think it is getting harder and harder to stay in NC. It has been 6 weeks almost of NC and 6 weeks since the breakup. I am dying inside. I want to call but I am listening to the people at LS. I know you guys know what is best and I understand that what I do now will reflect how I feel in the future. I am really hurting still from the breakup but I am getting tierd of talking about it and I really dont want to waste any time on it now. Other than that....I want to call....

 

Why do I want to call....But I dont want too also...What would you do.,..

[Super89Rex]

waitingwaitingonyou;

 

I am glad I found this recent thread. I am going through a very similar situation. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for over 2 years; all of a sudden she ended up cheating on me. It seems within a few weeks, I've gone from meaning everything to her; to something that she couldn't care less about anymore. The feelings of rejection and pain are extremely immense. I would love to talk to you about our similar situations.

 

I have MSN: [email protected] I am online all the time. I think we can help eachother through our similar crisis.

 

Stick in there man, and as they say; or have told me. Stay strong.