Clerance Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 My ex bf and I tried to communicate normally after our break up (3 months after low contact, he was the dumper) and hang out with our mutual friends. But it didn't work out well because he got upset over something. I can't even remember what exactly we talked about. He seemed ok one time and then get annoyed because of something stupid. He was very moody. And one day he texted me it's time to block me on everything and was very clear he doesn't want me to contact him anymore. So I did. I was surprised because in my opinion- I didn't give him a reason. But I accepted it and tried to move on. Two weeks ago I recieved a message from him saying 'Can we get in touch again? ?' Next day I checked out my FB and there was a friend request from him. So he also unblocked me. I didn't reply the request. Actually I deleted it. He was so mean back then so he should probably apologize and then I can change my mind. But after few days of NC I started to feel better and I rather don't want to communicate with him after all this progress. It was hard to me to accept just friendship before but I tried and didn't mention anything. Didn't beg or plead. But it was all still weird for me. I acted in non flirty way and was joking and focused on finding someone new. Before he blocked me he wrote he thought I'm still not over him. (He found all this joking as flirting so it was probably the reason to block me. I denied it but it didn't matter.) I still have some feelings for him. Some days I'm ok with the idea of never talking to him again but I still hope for something. But I plan to continue with NC to not hurt myself again. Do you think it's a good idea to stick to no contact? Do you think he will contact me soon? Is his unblocking a sign of anything? I noticed he started to follow me on Facebook as well. NC is not a manipulation act in my case. I really wish to avoid false hopes. Thank you for your responses. I'm really strong but I' m also curious.
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) First off,..."no contact" is a verb,...not a noun. It is not a "thing". It is not a switch that you flip. You either communicate with someone,...or you don't. Here's my interpretation of what happened... 1. After breaking up he agrees to "just be friends" and have you both hang out with the old gang. 2. He expects you to show interest and try to "get him back" while at the same time claiming he doesn't want you. So you don't try to get him back which is a blow to his ego,...he gets butt-hurt and blocks you. Maybe that will teach you,...and get you to want him more,...so he can be the one to say "no", which boosts his ego. 3. It doesn't work, and after 2 weeks without validation from you he can't take it anymore and unblocks you. But so far you are still not giving him the validation he seeks,...but you are thinking about it. Do some serious Googling of the term Narcissist. Am I close? Edited July 31, 2018 by PRW 1
Normm Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Do you think it's a good idea to stick to no contact? Do you think he will contact me soon? Is his unblocking a sign of anything? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Author Clerance Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 First off,..."no contact" is a verb,...not a noun. It is not a "thing". It is not a switch that you flip. You either communicate with someone,...or you don't. Here's my interpretation of what happened... 1. After breaking up he agrees to "just be friends" and have you both hang out with the old gang. 2. He expects you to show interest and try to "get him back" while at the same time claiming he doesn't want you. So you don't try to get him back which is a blow to his ego,...he gets butt-hurt and blocks you. Maybe that will teach you,...and get you to want him more,...so he can be the one to say "no", which boosts his ego. 3. It doesn't work, and after 2 weeks without validation from you he can't take it anymore and unblocks you. But so far you are still not giving him the validation he seeks,...but you are thinking about it. Do some serious Googling of the term Narcissist. Am I close? So you think he is a Narcissist? That he is hungry for my atenttion? How long could it take to him to message me again?
BC1980 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Don't do LC. It doesn't work. I've tried that too, and it's a mess. You both need to stay out of contact, so you can move on. It gets too weird and emotional and just becomes a reminder of what you aren't anymore.
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) Do you think it's a good idea to stick to no contact? Do you think he will contact me soon? Is his unblocking a sign of anything? Yes, no contact is a good idea. I think he will contact you if you continue no contact. It is a sign of something. Could be many things in fact Edited August 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator fixed quote
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) So you think he is a Narcissist? That he is hungry for my atenttion? How long could it take to him to message me again? It is just a suggestion. Goggle the term. Does it fit? You decide. A Narcissist is hungry for Ego validation. They are famous for "push-pull". They coax you in, then when you come they reject you and push you away, and saying it's all your fault that they are rejecting you. The process repeats over and over. It is their way of controlling you and satisfying their ego. They tend to be extremely seductive in the beginning which may include love bombing with gifts & over-the-top compliments,...but then it ends with the torture of the push/pull manipulation. Their favorite victims are people with co-dependent tendencies. Anyway,...google the term,...judge for yourself Edited July 31, 2018 by PRW 1
Iris The Butterfly Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 First off,..."no contact" is a verb,...not a noun. It is not a "thing". It is not a switch that you flip. You either communicate with someone,...or you don't. Do some serious Googling of the term Narcissist. Am I close? Ding, ding, ding! He has actively kept in contact with you to keep you on the hook when it pleases him, to gain an ego boost and manipulate you. He's interfering with your healing process. When someone dumps you, they remove themselves from your life, does not try and be friends right away, and most certainly wouldn't block you only to unblock as a power play. A normal, healthy person would not block you on social media and weeks later ask to be friends again. It's a pretty conscious decision to block someone, why in such a short time would he try and 'undo' it? To get attention? To build up his ego since you didn't contact him since? Yes and yes. It's one thing to be friendly with an ex and civil, if you occasionally keep in touch that is different, but the push/pull dynamic is something of another kind. He broke it off with you, he is waffling and all this push pull is a power play. There's no real reason to keep in touch, and what is the dead giveaway that he's a controlling ego driven narcissist is that he told YOU that he thought YOU were still not over him, so he would need to block you. F that. I've dated guys like this, they're in it for the control. Cut him off.
BC1980 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) Yes, no contact is a good idea. I think he will contact you if you continue no contact. It is a sign of something. Could be many things in fact He's just curious and trying to get used to the idea of you not being there. Every ex I've had, except one that ghosted me, contacted me at some point. It's usually out of curiosity or wanting sex. Dumpers have to come to terms with the end too. Definitely go NC. Otherwise, you're in a perpetual cycle of crazy. Edited August 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Iris The Butterfly Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 It is just a suggestion. Goggle the term. Does it fit? You decide. A Narcissist is hungry for Ego validation. They are famous for "push-pull". They coax you in, then when you come they reject you and push you away, and saying it's all your fault that they are rejecting you. The process repeats over and over. It is their way of controlling you and satisfying their ego. They tend to be extremely seductive in the beginning which may include love bombing with gifts & over-the-top compliments,...but then it ends with the torture of the push/pull manipulation. Their favorite victims are people with co-dependent tendencies. Anyway,...google the term,...judge for yourself I recommend YouTube videos as well. I've been through all of this very similar. It's one thing to break up and attempt to be civil and on good terms if you happen to cross paths or have mutual friends. It's the difference between "I'm sorry things didn't work out between us, I care for you and I wish you the best", and "I don't want you, unless you don't want me." It's another to push, pull, act erratically and go back on their word, and project onto you. You asked "Do you think it's a good idea to stick to no contact? Do you think he will contact me soon? Is his unblocking a sign of anything?" Yes, yes, and yes. He will continue to push pull at his convenience and to gain power and an ego boost. When he doesn't hear from you he will get angry and sneak back in, like he just did by unblocking you. He blocked you intially because he was hurt that you didn't throw yourself at his feet begging him to get back together. Stay strong. I think you should tell him the next time he reaches out to you that you think it's best that you both do not speak anymore for your own healing, and that you would like to move on since he was the one who ended the relationship. Block him on social media and your phone. Watch how quickly he will attempt to get back into your good graces, and most likely will try and rekindle the relationship. Prepare yourself for a rocky road ahead with this guy. The best way to remain unscathed is to block him so that you will not be reeled back in and tempted to respond.
Author Clerance Posted August 1, 2018 Author Posted August 1, 2018 Ding, ding, ding! He has actively kept in contact with you to keep you on the hook when it pleases him, to gain an ego boost and manipulate you. He's interfering with your healing process. When someone dumps you, they remove themselves from your life, does not try and be friends right away, and most certainly wouldn't block you only to unblock as a power play. A normal, healthy person would not block you on social media and weeks later ask to be friends again. It's a pretty conscious decision to block someone, why in such a short time would he try and 'undo' it? To get attention? To build up his ego since you didn't contact him since? Yes and yes. It's one thing to be friendly with an ex and civil, if you occasionally keep in touch that is different, but the push/pull dynamic is something of another kind. He broke it off with you, he is waffling and all this push pull is a power play. There's no real reason to keep in touch, and what is the dead giveaway that he's a controlling ego driven narcissist is that he told YOU that he thought YOU were still not over him, so he would need to block you. F that. I've dated guys like this, they're in it for the control. Cut him off. Thank you for this answer. I don´t have many experiences with men so I didn´t recognize something unusual ( narcisstic) about him (except of him being moody, he liked people and his facebook is full of his selfies). But it was the first time in my life I felt for someone so quickly and deeply. He was extremely charming and clever and was very popular so I was shocked by his interest and all beautiful compliments and so. I need to say that I´m beautiful and intelligent (I heard it many times). But I was always shy and had low self esteem and struggled with my own problems. I´m working on it and I improved it a lot since our breakup. I´m really confused if he´s narcissist or not. He´s animal lover and help homeless people. He is actually the part of many helping projects and has a lot of friends. When we dated he was very kind and I thought I find a man I always wanted. It changed after I fell in love with him. He was distant, got upset over little things and left me without proper explanation (after few days of silence). After this unpredictable breakup I cried and plead and made many mistakes. And got depressed. He invited me to his party week after I went NC what I found cruel. Then he plead me to become his friend because he ´cared about me a lot´. I couldn´t accept it as I was hurt ( he found it selfish! ) and still trying to change his mind. It didn´t work so I went NC again. For two months. I missed him like crazy so I contacted him after that time to inform him about some news in my life and then I recieved billion messages from him. Then one of our mutual friends told me that he´s dating someone else. I still wasn´t ok so I stopped communication with him again. After another month I felt better and accepted the fact he´s with someone else so one of our friend iniciate a meeting of us to fix our relationship and we agreed on being friends (he was single again this time because new girlfriend got back with her ex boyfriend.) I started to be friendly and joking and all I mentioned above but he then blocked me after him thinking I´m still into him (It wasn´t true. I still found him attractive but I wasn´t in love that time). So I wished him all the best and went NC as he wanted. I have dreams about him from time to time. But I definitely don´t have the same feelings nor I don´t want to be friends with him and get angry everytime he start a fight. But I wish he contacted me more so I could ignore him in turn. (And also for my own well being...)
CantTakeMySmile Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 But I wish he contacted me more so I could ignore him in turn. (And also for my own well being...) You want him to text you so you can ignore him?
Author Clerance Posted August 1, 2018 Author Posted August 1, 2018 (edited) But I wish he contacted me more so I could ignore him in turn. (And also for my own well being...) You want him to text you so you can ignore him? You can´t even imagine how cruel he was to me...After I realized my own worth I want him to suffer a little bit. If he is even capable of feeling things like these. Edited August 1, 2018 by Clerance
Recommended Posts