I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I'm in a relationship. A guy I've known for awhile (family friend) asked me to a concert, just me and him. I said no because I respect my bf. My family thinks I'm dumb for not socializing and networking, but I see it as a loyalty issue, esp since it could be hinted as a date. Thoughts? I love being social and I do talk to other people. It absolutely pisses me off that my family hints I'm being anti social by doing this. Btw the guy is single.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I'm in a relationship. A guy I've known for awhile (family friend) asked me to a concert' date=' just me and him. I said no because I respect my bf. My family thinks I'm dumb for not socializing and networking, but I see it as a loyalty issue, esp since it could be hinted as a date. Thoughts? I love being social and I do talk to other people. It absolutely pisses me off that my family hints I'm being anti social by doing this. Btw the guy is single.[/quote'] Who cares what your family thinks? It's not their business. They didn't even need to know he invited you, in my opinion. As for whether or not to go, you are following a boundary that is evidently working for your relationship. If you feel your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with this, you did the right thing. 1
DKT3 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 This. How does your family feel about your BF? Seems almost like they prefer your platonic friend and wouldn't mind seeing you and your BF break up. Yeah, this would be my guess. I think the gold rule of relationships apply here, if its something you wouldn't want your partner to do then you should not do it. If you wouldn't mind him going on a date with another girl the least you could do is ask him how he feels. I'm guessing you are fairly young, but you have it figured out already. At the end of the day, you know what's best for your relationship, far more so than your family.
guest569 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Who cares what your family thinks? It's not their business. They didn't even need to know he invited you, in my opinion. As for whether or not to go, you are following a boundary that is evidently working for your relationship. If you feel your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with this, you did the right thing. Agreed. Your family should not enter the equation. You've done what you think is best for the relationship and it seems like you're feeling fine about it. I wish that my ex had paid me that respect too, as we would still be together.
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 If your boyfriend would be uncomfortable, then you are right not to go... I have a good friend - he is married to my best friend and we have all been friends since high school. He sometimes comes to town to visit his parents and we often go for dinner and a movie together. We joke - I tell people that I have a “date” with my best friends husband. We’ve done this for years... his wife (my friend) could care less and my boyfriend knows it is nothing more than a friendship. So, it can be done but if anyone was uncomfortable... we wouldn’t be doing it. 1
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 You are right to not go, it's not appropriate and yes, your family has ulterior motives. They think this friend would be a more suitable partner. How rude is that, especially when you are an adult....they are treating you like a child.
BluesPower Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I'm in a relationship. A guy I've known for awhile (family friend) asked me to a concert' date=' just me and him. I said no because I respect my bf. My family thinks I'm dumb for not socializing and networking, but I see it as a loyalty issue, esp since it could be hinted as a date. Thoughts? I love being social and I do talk to other people. It absolutely pisses me off that my family hints I'm being anti social by doing this. Btw the guy is single.[/quote'] You made the right decision... and your family is crazy. If you did that to me, you would be ex GF. People in committed relationships do not go out on dates with the opposite sex friends. You did the right thing...
kendahke Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Why is your family all up in your dating business in the first place? 1
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 If you don't want to go, don't go. I have gone to things with my guy buddies because my husband didn't want to go. I have drinks, lunches & dinners with male friends all the time. Everyone knows where the lines are drawn.
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I'm in a relationship. A guy I've known for awhile (family friend) asked me to a concert' date=' just me and him. I said no because I respect my bf.[/quote']Ok, no one said it, so I guess it is up to me. Why [in the world] would this "family friend" who is "single" ask you [you alone] to the type of event that a man normally takes a "date" to???? Does the guy have hidden motives??? Of course he does,...don't be dense. Is he working secretly with the family? I doubt it, but who knows? They at least have the same idea in mind even if they all came to it independently. Do I blame him? No, not so much,...depends. I never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend before trying to get a date. Maybe the guy has one foot out the door already and it is her business if she wants to boot him the rest of the way and accept my offer,...it is none of my business what goes one between them. On the other hand if I know she is in a relationship and they are "solid" I probably won't offer her out of respect for the guy. So it depends on how much this "friend of the family" knows and what his perceptions of your relationship are.
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Why [in the world] would this "family friend" who is "single" ask you [you alone] to the type of event that a man normally takes a "date" to???? Does the guy have hidden motives??? Of course he does,...don't be dense. While that is a probability, he may have simply asked because he couldn't get a date, the date backed out or because he knew the OP liked this particular artist. That is actually how I ended up going to a concert with a guy friend. He & I liked the artist. My husband & his wife did not. Everybody was much happier that the two of us went together & left those that didn't like that kind of music home. Here the OP already said no so that is the end of this. Her meddling family can be ignored.
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 A friend of family? Never in a million year! A good friend of MINE that our friendship dates way back and my BF knows him, sure but not 'a friend of the family'. It would also have to be a concert I have been dying to see!
40somethingGuy Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I'm in a relationship. A guy I've known for awhile (family friend) asked me to a concert' date=' just me and him. I said no because I respect my bf. My family thinks I'm dumb for not socializing and networking, but I see it as a loyalty issue, esp since it could be hinted as a date. Thoughts? I love being social and I do talk to other people. It absolutely pisses me off that my family hints I'm being anti social by doing this. Btw the guy is single.[/quote'] Kudos to you for considering your BF's feelings and most importantly, not doing anything that could be considered disloyal to your BF. You are a good woman. Even though I am sure you would not do anything with the friend, there is no question your loyalty is with your BF and it should stay that way so long as he deserves you and treats you well.
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 If your boyfriend would be uncomfortable, then you are right not to go... I have a good friend - he is married to my best friend and we have all been friends since high school. He sometimes comes to town to visit his parents and we often go for dinner and a movie together. We joke - I tell people that I have a “date” with my best friends husband. We’ve done this for years... his wife (my friend) could care less and my boyfriend knows it is nothing more than a friendship. So, it can be done but if anyone was uncomfortable... we wouldn’t be doing it. I understand this because you have history together. This guy though, I have never hung out w/him outside of family friend families and I barely know him. I see him prob once or twice a year.
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I understand this because you have history together. This guy though' date=' I have never hung out w/him outside of family friend families and I barely know him. [b'] I see him prob once or twice a year.[/b] That means your family is trying to match you with this guy. Do you know why? 1
bachdude Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 It's really refreshing to know of someone who puts the feelings of their SO first in a situation like this. It's the stuff healthy relationships are made of and I hope he appreciates you. Keep doing what you are doing. 1
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 It's really refreshing to know of someone who puts the feelings of their SO first in a situation like this. It's the stuff healthy relationships are made of and I hope he appreciates you. Keep doing what you are doing. He does appreciate me, but I actually don't plan on telling him. I really don't want to stir anything that has been taken care of. I wouldn't want him to do the same to me.
Gretchen12 Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 In your case, the bf and the "date" are the issues in question, it seems the concert is not important, that's why you feel weird. Trust your intuition. If my married piano teacher offered me a ticket to Martha Argerich's concert, I'd tell my bf "sorry, sweetheart, deal with it!"
preraph Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 It's not worth all this time thinking about it. If you want to go to the concert, take your man.
Gaeta Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 Iveseenbetterlol: A lot of people have asked what your family think of your boyfriend?
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