How to succeed in dating (real life and online dating)

[LoverOfDance]

Hi guys,

 

I decided to write this thread and I hope it helps someone somewhere. If you are struggling with dating including online dating, I would advise you to change whatever it is you're doing at the moment. Change your approach. I see a lot of threads about dating nightmares (especially online) and to be honest, dating in today's society can drive the most serene person nuts.

 

Change whatever approach you're using right now and continue to change your approach towards dating until something works. Dating shouldn't be a nightmare. It takes work but it honestly doesn't have to be a negative experience. Best of luck to everyone.

[d0nnivain]

Some people struggle to know what it is that is not working. Change is also hard for many. Shy or introverted people are not suddenly going to become the life of the party.

 

 

So while trying to identify what is not working & changing it is good advice, I would add that date seekers should also change where they look. If OLD isn't working for you, start attending real life events. If real life isn't working for you, especially due to the lack of opportunities because it's a small town, do try OLD or expand your geography within reason.

[Gaeta]

It's like throwing the dice, you may find after 3 tries or 3 years. You need patience and accept it will take time.

[Penguin_hugs]

I'm really going to advocate speed dating- and I never thought it would be something I would do or even have any luck from.

 

The complaint with OLD is that people aren't real, never want to meet up or when you do meet them- you realise within 30 seconds that you aren't compatible. Speed dating removes a lot of this. I personally wouldn't spend 20 quid on sitting in front of dates without speaking to them so you know people are a bit more genuine and actually there for dating. Plus you meet 20 people in one sitting without wasting a week texting each one for a week first.

 

Now I'm a bit shy and introverted- I'm not overly experienced dating- but I gave it a go and it was honestly the best thing I could have done. It gave me so much confidence just to chat to so many people over the course of the evening. Plus I got such a boost finding out how many people had ticked me at the end (about 70% of the people!) as I thought I was pretty undateable.

 

Plus I met my now boyfriend at speed dating and it's been an amazing 7 months!

 

I suggested one of my friends went- and at first she was really negative about the idea. She has very low confidence and self esteem and incredibly hesitant about dating. But she gave it a go because she was impressed with my experience. Her response was just gushing how great it was- how much confidence she had by the end, how less intimidating it was compared with meeting people after OLD- oh and she got a boyfriend out of it too!

 

I used to think that speed dating would just be an older generational thing- but I'm 25 and BF is 28.

[d0nnivain]

Penguin Hugs makes some great points. I would especially encourage men to sign up. In my mid-30s I tried to go speed dating but the events in my age range kept getting cancelled because there were no men.

[brigit87]

Penguin Hugs makes some great points. I would especially encourage men to sign up. In my mid-30s I tried to go speed dating but the events in my age range kept getting cancelled because there were no men.

 

LOL!

 

I'd think tons of men in their 30's would be into it. Especially the ADHD types.

[Penguin_hugs]

The event I went to was aimed at 20s-30s. But I know my BF's housemate lied about his age to go. He's unbelievably 41- which I'd never have guessed.

 

But he wasn't interested in the 30s-40s generation one, and they have 50+ too.

[SevenCity]

To recap the thread thus far, to be successful at dating....be a female

 

My advice to men is smell good, dress well, be charming, a bit cocky, and realize you are a catch.

 

More importantly, don’t chase after women who have low interest in you. Focus on women with high interest.

[MountainGirl111]

My best advice to anyone; whether male or female is to just be yourself. Not a fan of on line dating. Why? Because it's too easy for people to portray something on line that may or may not be the same as what they are in real life. Be yourself. Get out there and do stuff. Be active. Most of all....don't compromise yourself trying to be something you really aren't in order to attract someone who may or may NOT be right for you.

[nospam99]

Penguin Hugs makes some great points. I would especially encourage men to sign up. In my mid-30s I tried to go speed dating but the events in my age range kept getting cancelled because there were no men.

 

LOL. Me too, d0nni - the events in my age range keep getting cancelled because there are no men ... other than me .... still breathing (Not kidding - the coordinator warned me that the last one back in April might be the last evah (sic) )

[alphamale]

what do you mean by "change your approach"?

[carhill]

LOL. Me too, d0nni - the events in my age range keep getting cancelled because there are no men ... other than me .... still breathing (Not kidding - the coordinator warned me that the last one back in April might be the last evah (sic) )

At our age, they can reverse, have a few guys and a crowd of women moving from seat to seat. Fair is fair, right?

 

TBH though I'd rather do social stuff like bingo night at the vets hall or a BBQ with the volunteer fire department and socializing with the citizens. Let things flow organically.

[LoverOfDance]

@alphamale I believe in making smart POSITIVE choices. For example, if you've gone out with lots of women and you haven't gotten a second date from any of them, you can try changing the way you handle first dates - ask the lady more questions before you meet and be more thoughtful on the date. One way to be thoughtful is: ask her what her favourite flower/chocolate is and then bring it with you on the date. Little things like that go a long way.

 

It's really quite simple. if you keep getting a certain result that you don't like. Make a positive change, any positive change at all. Keep making positive changes until you start to see positive changes in your results. Hope this makes sense.