Sunlight72 Posted August 2, 2018 Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) Firstly, great thread!Deeper stuff going on and I just gotta keep reminding myself that it's not all about me. Secondly, yes, you're right. I think you're getting closer, but not quite there. You actually do have the ability to influence your experience more than you're acknowledging. From what you've written, it sounds like you are really optimistic about the future with a particular woman before you actually meet her in person, and then take it personally when she doesn't want a future with you after the first date. This is misplaced. To address your original question of not taking it personally, what you should do instead is not picture much of anything until after about date 3. Make her work for it more. You are casting too much hope, enthusiasm, and star-struck yearning toward her. You say you are attractive - great! Make her work for it. Let her impress you with a display of why you should grant her your attention and affection. See if she can break through a subtle barrier of inner disinterested, unimpressed coolness inside you. Over time (days/weeks). This advice is gauged for you, based on what you've written here. I know even if you do decide to shoot to follow this approach, you will still be charmed by and sweet with your date, and not a robot. But inside your head and heart, try to be more a robot. Be more objective. Just observe who this other person is. That is how you can not feel it is personal if they don't follow up with you. -------------------------- If she breaks through this glass wall in the days following the first 2 or 3 dates, then you can begin to let yourself feel a little lovey-dovey-honey. Let her have the fun of pursuing you a bit though, and showing you she wants you before you get warm when you think of her. You're special. She should earn you. Be cool. Edited August 2, 2018 by Sunlight72
Author DontBreakEven Posted August 2, 2018 Author Posted August 2, 2018 Firstly, great thread!Secondly, yes, you're right. I think you're getting closer, but not quite there. You actually do have the ability to influence your experience more than you're acknowledging. From what you've written, it sounds like you are really optimistic about the future with a particular woman before you actually meet her in person, and then take it personally when she doesn't want a future with you after the first date. This is misplaced. To address your original question of not taking it personally, what you should do instead is not picture much of anything until after about date 3. Make her work for it more. You are casting too much hope, enthusiasm, and star-struck yearning toward her. You say you are attractive - great! Make her work for it. Let her impress you with a display of why you should grant her your attention and affection. See if she can break through a subtle barrier of inner disinterested, unimpressed coolness inside you. Over time (days/weeks). This advice is gauged for you, based on what you've written here. I know even if you do decide to shoot to follow this approach, you will still be charmed by and sweet with your date, and not a robot. But inside your head and heart, try to be more a robot. Be more objective. Just observe who this other person is. That is how you can not feel it is personal if they don't follow up with you. -------------------------- If she breaks through this glass wall in the days following the first 2 or 3 dates, then you can begin to let yourself feel a little lovey-dovey-honey. Let her have the fun of pursuing you a bit though, and showing you she wants you before you get warm when you think of her. You're special. She should earn you. Be cool. Awe. I like this. Thank you so much And you're right. I do all that stuff, and I think your advice is spot-on. 1
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