9Lives Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 This is what HE told me last week: "I thinK we need some time apart because I cant please u the way u want me to right now. I have other thing that I'm trying to figure out and u KNOW work is hard. I have to start preparing for life after life so I'm sorry if I'm being short and not given u what u want but these r the thing that love is built on .we can talk in the morning ok no respond needed please." I am wondering is it best that I just break up. He said he cant be the man I need him to be right now. I have stop talking to him right now but I am wondering should I take it to the next level and just break up. My male friends say, let him go and tell him he is not meeting my expectations and when he can, we can see if we can try again. It is hard because I love him but at the same time I am sure if he is serious leaving and also about our future. We get along fine but that doesn't mean anything from what I have learned being here. Can someone help me sort out my feelings?
LauraBancroft Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 This is what HE told me last week: "I thinK we need some time apart because I cant please u the way u want me to right now. I have other thing that I'm trying to figure out and u KNOW work is hard. I have to start preparing for life after life so I'm sorry if I'm being short and not given u what u want but these r the thing that love is built on .we can talk in the morning ok no respond needed please." I am wondering is it best that I just break up. He said he cant be the man I need him to be right now. I have stop talking to him right now but I am wondering should I take it to the next level and just break up. My male friends say, let him go and tell him he is not meeting my expectations and when he can, we can see if we can try again. It is hard because I love him but at the same time I am sure if he is serious leaving and also about our future. We get along fine but that doesn't mean anything from what I have learned being here. Can someone help me sort out my feelings? This is a common formality of married men. When they think the OW wants more then they retract because they know that they are incapable of giving more to the OW. So the best way to keep the OW hanging and accept second best is for them to pull this stuff. If I were you I would end it. You tell him in a nice but clear concise tone that when he can give you more of what you need and when he can be the man that you need him to be and start giving you what you give him in the relationship then you might be willing to try again but that you're not going to sit around and wait on him. That is exactly what I would tell him. Nothing more, nothing less.
Author 9Lives Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 That is why I am here. God I know you right. But it is killing me to do it. I just cant seem to get there with the right words on what to say. I am just torn. I love him. I feel like I am going to die inside. But at the same time, this sucks I am all mess up inside.
Barby Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Okay so forgive me if you have stated this in other posts or something but since I'm not familiar w/ your posts I have a couple of questions (hope you don't mind).......... BTW.........No judgements here, I just want to understand your situation better so that I can be more clear and hopefully more helpful when giving you my opinion/advice! First.........Did you know he was married @ the time you became involved romantically w/him? And..........Did he tell you right off (either since you knew or when you found out) that he had serious intentions of leaving his wife? Also..........How long have you two been together? (How long have you been waiting for him to leave?)
Author 9Lives Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 I have only been seeing him since Feb Yes we had planned for him to leave, and that has not changed. I just dont want to wait for it to happen. He is not saying he is not leaving but I cant handle the scraps I am getting and he did not start out that way. It sucks. So that is pretty much it.
Author 9Lives Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 This is a common formality of married men. When they think the OW wants more then they retract because they know that they are incapable of giving more to the OW. So the best way to keep the OW hanging and accept second best is for them to pull this stuff. If I were you I would end it. You tell him in a nice but clear concise tone that when he can give you more of what you need and when he can be the man that you need him to be and start giving you what you give him in the relationship then you might be willing to try again but that you're not going to sit around and wait on him. That is exactly what I would tell him. Nothing more, nothing less. I have decide to end it like this: Sweetheart, It breaks my heart to do this but I dont want to be in this kind of relationship with you or NOBODY period. I have really, really, really tried so hard to hold on. But it sucks!!!! It is just not enough. What it takes to get me....it takes to keep me. I am not getting what I need and my expectations are not being met. I am not going to lower my standards. I know you want me to be happy and you know I want to please you as well. I have done my best I love you and I am sorry I wish we could be together." What do you think? I dont want to be mean
LauraBancroft Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 I have decide to end it like this: Sweetheart, It breaks my heart to do this but I dont want to be in this kind of relationship with you or NOBODY period. I have really, really, really tried so hard to hold on. But it sucks!!!! It is just not enough. What it takes to get me....it takes to keep me. I am not getting what I need and my expectations are not being met. I am not going to lower my standards. I know you want me to be happy and you know I want to please you as well. I have done my best I love you and I am sorry I wish we could be together." What do you think? I dont want to be mean I think that sounds fine. I really do. You deserve a lot more than a MM can give you. Just love yourself and the rest will fall into place. Sometimes getting away from an MM or bad relationship is really hard. I should know after what my best friend went through and is still going through. It can be tough all the way around. I wish for you the best. Keep your head up.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 It doesn't always have to end on a sour note. Seems there is alot of feelings between you two and it's not going to go anywhere, so why bother. He isn't going to leave his wife so he's unavailable to you. He knows this too and he's doing the right thing by backing off. I think you know this as well. You sound like you want to do the right thing by not being second best. That's a very healthy sign...As much as you love him, you know you won't put up with what the situation is now. Good luck and keep posting.
Author 9Lives Posted September 4, 2005 Author Posted September 4, 2005 Well guess what he said in response to my note Well good morning to u little.lady.I got your email and u know I didn't agree. We have talk and plan a lot of things and I'm not going to let u walk out of my life with a email. This has been the best 7 month I've had since high school. U have dream and I do too and if we have been waiting on these dream. Yes can we wait on each other. I know it hard but iT even harder doing something u don't want to do. It not easy just to pacK up a leave and u know this. I'm not move to my mom or some sh*t like that. Yes I have to think about my next move.So I think yes we need some time apart but we still need to talk sometimes. I love everthing about u And I won't let u go so easy. I had a hard time Sleeping knowing I might not talk to u again. I understand all your Feeling and want and Need. So if u really love Me I thing we can waIt Too see what next and Still talk a little not as Much but stay in touch. But my love is here and u know if I'm saying love it. Love , I will call u later on this Week just think about what I'm Asking . just let me no when I call u. Ok what do you all think...he is up to something?
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Yeah, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He has no intention of leaving his wife for you... He's not being malcious in this email, quite the opposite infact. He wants the time to think... Which means, keep you waiting...And wondering...To have the power...And make you wait some more... Be strong here, k. YOU have to decide what is right for you. Tell him if he wants to be with you when he divorces his wife and then when enough time goes by you'll start dating him. My best bet is he will string you along, not meant to you hurt you, but to keep you interested...Just making you feel like getting your hopes up... I don't doubt he has feelings for you but those feelings are inappropriate as he's married. Take the control here and YOU tell him what you want! Which I hope for your sake is to walk away while you have your heart still in place.
LauraBancroft Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Well guess what he said in response to my note Well good morning to u little.lady.I got your email and u know I didn't agree. We have talk and plan a lot of things and I'm not going to let u walk out of my life with a email. This has been the best 7 month I've had since high school. U have dream and I do too and if we have been waiting on these dream. Yes can we wait on each other. I know it hard but iT even harder doing something u don't want to do. It not easy just to pacK up a leave and u know this. I'm not move to my mom or some sh*t like that. Yes I have to think about my next move.So I think yes we need some time apart but we still need to talk sometimes. I love everthing about u And I won't let u go so easy. I had a hard time Sleeping knowing I might not talk to u again. I understand all your Feeling and want and Need. So if u really love Me I thing we can waIt Too see what next and Still talk a little not as Much but stay in touch. But my love is here and u know if I'm saying love it. Love , I will call u later on this Week just think about what I'm Asking . just let me no when I call u. Ok what do you all think...he is up to something? This may come across a little harsh and I'm hoping it doesn't. No. He is stringing you along for backup. I am really sorry I have to say this but at this point and time it is an MM Panic Mode Button. He is losing his side action/relationship and he'll say anything to keep you thinking there is hope and to keep you hanging on to a dead end relationship. I say be strong and walk right out of his life. YOu doing that will trigger two things, he'll grow some balls and end his marriage, or he'll leave you alone and regret it. Either way, be strong 9Lives and stick it to him.
Author 9Lives Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 You guys are tough! I have more thinking to do. I dont disagree with anyone. I just need to think more about my future. By breaking up with him, it has given me more control of my life and I feel better about that. We are suppose to talk later this week and I am going to let him know that I hope he is not playing games...I want a postive and good life. I think I will be able to see a little bit more clear. You guys are probably right though. It will be his lost. I have alot going for myself right now and good people behind me. This situation I have gotten myself into the last thing that I need to resolve. I know you all are saying just move on, right? To a certain degree that is what I am doing but I still have some desire here and I want to see if it can be a reality or just heading to a dead end. It has left me kinda depressed because I spend a lot of time thinking about it. Let me say this, I really don't have any regrets in dealing with this guy. He has been very sweet for the most part I will say. But I want more for myself. That is the driving force for me. So we will see what happens shortly.
newbby Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 hello 9lives, he is asking alot of you and i have to say that if he was genuine, he wouldnt need to ask you to wait. he would just leave. i'm sorry, but i think there are only 2 decisions you can make about the relationships with mm, either walk away or be happy being a mistress for ever. making a decision to wait for their decision is handing every bit of power and your own happiness over to somebody else.
Author 9Lives Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 Well time will tell. I am feeling stronger and I am going to see what he does. I dont think he is going to make any moves so I am going to keep going in the directions I am moving.
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