CKJD Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 It's been about four months now and I feel that I am doing so much better. I work with her, so it's been a one step forward, two steps back kind of recovery. I've felt the gamut of mixed emotions, and work has been tough, but facing the day is getting easier and easier. I'm starting to look at our situation for what it is/was, and feel that better things are in the making for me so long as I keep switching focus back to myself whenever my thoughts go to her. Aaaaaand then she goes and approaches me at work for the first time in ages. I think I handled it well, but I'm concerned that my mind sometimes entertains the idea that maybe she could find me attractive enough to want to explore things with me again. I saw the person I fell so hard for when she called out and came running up to me. Not only am I still hung up on her, but she's doing so much better now that I can't help but find her so incredibly attractive. She's the dumper, as you can probably gather. Of course she's just breadcrumbing me, and her problems with honest communication are a complete deal-breaker, but my brain just wants her in my arms, bed and life again. I'm still in love with the fantasy even though I know I really want the real deal. Which she is not. I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts on the challenges of staying on track when trying to move forward. Thanks for reading
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Of course she's just breadcrumbing me, and her problems with honest communication are a complete deal-breakerShe's not breadcrumbing you. She's is just trying to be pleasant and civil. The fact that you think this shows the insecurity and distrust flowing though your veins. With that kind of distrust and insecurity people will not be honest with you in their communication and will tell you what they think you want to hear just because they don't want to have to deal with it. Hence, what you call her "problems with honest communication". Women usually have 10 times the communication skills that guys do,...if a woman's communication is wonky, some guy probably gave her a reason to be.
ThreeRainbows Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 It is possible she wanted the attention, PRW. It is not kind to come running up to the guy you dumped and try to chat with him. It is selfish. OP: I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
Author CKJD Posted August 1, 2018 Author Posted August 1, 2018 (edited) Thanks TR, I appreciate that. I think I have to be very mindful that she merely wants to smooth things over with us. It's too fresh for me to be her friend though, so I'm keeping it amicable and trying to not to show any emotions other than neutral and pleasant ones, which is hard when you have so many burning questions. PRW, I certainly take your point about insecurity. It is an absolute priority for me to get on top of that part of myself, and you are accurate in identifying that. I'm certain this was a huge part of the cause for breaking up. But my insecurities weren't the only part that ruined the relationship; she did a lot to warrant mistrust. When I mentioned her problems with being honest I'm referring to her behavior alone and not women in general. I haven't described my situation in full yet, so I understand giving her the benefit of the doubt, but my progress has come from accepting that my ex does lie. A lot. She has so many wonderful qualities and is just an awesome person in daily life but there were a lot of red flags I ignored, or tried to discuss with her to no real success. I'm totally attracted to her, but I need to keep those things in mind. Edited August 1, 2018 by CKJD
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