clueless_4ever Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I have been texting two guys that I met online. They will go by A and B. I can see myself having a long term relationship with A but not B. This is all from gut feeling not that either of them have done anything to prove they are relationship material. I went on a first date with A. It was all very nice and sweet we kissed good night. I met B for the first time and we talked from 8 pm to 5 am sharing life stories. We had oral sex. He makes plans to see me again. I feel guilty because I do like A more. A makes plans for our next 2 dates. I met B for the second time as planned. We almost had sex but I stopped and left. Both times after I saw B, I felt guilty about A. I decided I will not see B anymore. But I can't change the past on what's happened. I know I've only been on one date with A and we are not exclusive. You can't cheat on someone who you aren't committed to. But I just feel so guilty like I cheated. This is my first time dating more than one person at a time. Should I tell A about B? Or is this common in dating and I am overreacting?
SevenCity Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I would want to know.if I was A. Though I find it hard to believe you really like A when you had your mouth on B’s genitals. Sounds like you like him more, but if you really liked him I doubt you would have had oral sex with another guy.
Author clueless_4ever Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 I would want to know.if I was A. Though I find it hard to believe you really like A when you had your mouth on B’s genitals. Sounds like you like him more, but if you really liked him I doubt you would have had oral sex with another guy. I really regret it now. I wasn't thinking things through I just got caught up in the heat of the moment. I really like A. Did I ruin my chances with him?
clia Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 There's no reason to tell A about B. You are not exclusive with him and had only been on one date. You are overreacting. Just stop seeing B if you feel guilty and move forward with A. 1
SevenCity Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 There's no reason to tell A about B. You are not exclusive with him and had only been on one date. You are overreacting. Just stop seeing B if you feel guilty and move forward with A. Technically this is correct. On the other hand what if it comes out later in the relationship? He may feel like you lied to him. Better to be upfront now. Not great to start off an RL under a misconception. He may also want you to get an STD test prior to being intimate.
Rockdad Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I wouldn't know why you would even feel guilty abut anything you did nothing wrong. It's your privilege to date more than one person at a time and become physical should it happen your not exclusive with anyone. You don't know "A" at this stage why would you need to confess previous encounters recent or past history?
ThreeRainbows Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) Just keep seeing A, and stop seeing B. You don't have to tell A about it. You are not exclusive with him, and have done nothing wrong. But it sounds like you would feel better about yourself if you were more committed to A. So just focus on future actions, and don't worry about the past. I wouldn't stop seeing other men, though. Just maybe not get physical so fast with them, as it seems to be making you feel bad. Edited July 30, 2018 by ThreeRainbows
Gretchen12 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 With online dating, there will be transitions. As long as it's not prolonged, I think it's ok. What's more problematic, is being "caught up in the heat of the moment", and doing something against your better judgement. Perhaps that is what's really making you feel guilty.
ElKay Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Nothing wrong at all! Heck, A might be sleeping with C, D and E while dating you. Just because he doesn't mention them doesn't mean he isn't. Neither of you are exclusive so, until you aren't, no need to tell.
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