SmartDude Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 So there is this place that I go to were quite a few of the women have shown interest in me. The problem is that women in general put up a front right away because they don't know you. I am good with that, nothing new there. Some how I feel it is worse these days though for good looking men because they are assumed to be players, or whatever. Anyways, I see these guys there jumping through all these hoops and sometimes making them selves look like ass clowns in the process. But at least they are putting them selves out there. I don't know, just standing back and looking at it just pisses me off. And then on top of it all these women want me to chase them? I don't know what is going on but I am just becoming iritated by the whole scenario. I just feel like I am a cat. Did you ever try to clap your hands and make a cat come to you? What happens, it just sits there and looks at you. And it is not like I am ignoring these women or trying to be aloof or something. I engage them in conversation, and try to get a feel for what is going on. I am a life long recovering involuntary celibate. Have made amazing progress in the last decade but I still have problems. I am just trying to make sense of this noise right now.
carhill Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 It's social indoctrination. Either play the game or sit on the sidelines. Sat on the sidelines many years so know that bench well. We men do it to ourselves. I don't blame the ladies at all. I learned this best when competing with other guys, ultimately for already married women. Other guys had no problem swooping in for the kill if a fellow male wasn't guarding his flock. I thought that was wrong so sat by and waited. Heh, who did those women end up with? The guys who didn't respect morals or boundaries, by my definition. The really cool part was the ladies didn't recognize those morals or boundaries either, and encouraged men to compete over them. Admitting that? No way. Successful people always focus on the positive stuff. More indoctrination. I watched the other males while married myself and it was ongoing. They were circling like vultures for an opportunity. Now, at the other side of life, I kinda laugh at the whole mess. What a waste of time. Society gains from it though, both in power and money, and greed drives us to replicate and reach for the gold. Indoctrination. Guilty of it myself. Know what we know when we know it. Gotta admire women. We compete over them. We kill for them. Protect and serve them. Masterful. 1
ThreeRainbows Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Just ask them out. Be direct. If you're direct, it cuts down on the chasing. As a woman, I kind of wait for the guy to do that. Otherwise I assume he's not interested.
PRW Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 ....that I go to were quite a few of the women have shown interest in me. And you aren't doing anything about it. I know you think you are, but you are not. The problem is that women in general put up a front right away because they don't know you. It is not a "front", it is an instinct. Women instinctually want a man they feel they can be safe and "protected" with. So it is a boldness test. If the guy isn't bold enough to approach with confidence then it may be her protecting and supporting him instead. Some how I feel it is worse these days though for good looking men because they are assumed to be players, or whatever. Women go for the players in spite of what they may say. It is because the players are at least doing "something" and project at least some confidence and boldness. The women can weed out the screwballs as they go along, but they have to start somewhere or they get nowhere. I don't know, just standing back and looking at it just pisses me off. And then on top of it all these women want me to chase them? I don't know what is going on but I am just becoming iritated by the whole scenario. Yeah, your pissed off, and the women can smell that on you like a porta-potty and a drunken carnival. You are basically putting a dating gun to you dating head and pulling the dating trigger. Get over it. Being butt-hurt gets you nowhere. I am a life long recovering involuntary celibate. Have made amazing progress in the last decade but I still have problems. I am just trying to make sense of this noise right now. Life long recovering involuntary celibate? That implies you are overly focused on getting laid and the women are walking sex toys to get you there. You need to look for someone that you want to share yourself with, and how you being in their life is going to improve their life. You come to a relationship to give, not take. Anyway, ThreeRainbows made a great point when she said you have to be direct. You can't get into a situation with a woman by trying to sneak up on her and surprise her with it. If you appear uninterested they will treat you like you are uninterested. If you try to sneak up on her with the idea, she isn't going to have any emotional investment it will come off as just creepy. The whole idea of "friends first, lovers later" is just Hollywood movie non-sense,...the truth is exactly the opposite. Women are way way more likely to get romantically involved with a "new guy" than someone they have known for a while. 3
anduina Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Have you tried the dating app, Bumble? Women do the approaching.
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 If you tap on it's food bowl, a cat will come running. It's about offering something desirable to the cat....or woman. In my case, the desirable thing is easy conversation. Without that, he's just clapping his hands to get me to notice him. 2
Author SmartDude Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 Just ask them out. Be direct. If you're direct, it cuts down on the chasing. As a woman, I kind of wait for the guy to do that. Otherwise I assume he's not interested. Its kind of a basic fact I know. Maybe I am just tierd of it all and giving up right now is better for the short term. Women are trying to lock me in a gaze and I just see it as them trolling me:laugh:. I was actually super bold just a few days ago and struck up a conversation with a woman. She did that damn thing women do were they lock their eyes on you in a sexy gaze(female trolling). I walked right up to her in the grocery store and said hi. She was a little shocked but she laughed.
anika99 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 If you tap on it's food bowl, a cat will come running. It's about offering something desirable to the cat....or woman. In my case, the desirable thing is easy conversation. Without that, he's just clapping his hands to get me to notice him. Lol...yeah or shake a bag of temptations treats. Cats don't spend much time chasing, that's true. They watch and stalk and leap into actin when the time is right. 1
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Its kind of a basic fact I know. Maybe I am just tierd of it all and giving up right now is better for the short term. Women are trying to lock me in a gaze and I just see it as them trolling me:laugh:. I was actually super bold just a few days ago and struck up a conversation with a woman. She did that damn thing women do were they lock their eyes on you in a sexy gaze(female trolling). I walked right up to her in the grocery store and said hi. She was a little shocked but she laughed. Why do you call it trolling? It's a lot more attention than many guys get. And what happened after you talked to the lady in the grocery store? Did you have a good conversation? Ask her out?
ElKay Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 The guys I "chased" ended up not caring enough and not being into me... So this taught me to be eager but not to chase anymore. Women might have reasons for not chasing other than just social indoctrination. 1
Author SmartDude Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 Why do you call it trolling? It's a lot more attention than many guys get. And what happened after you talked to the lady in the grocery store? Did you have a good conversation? Ask her out? "trolling" is just my funny little word for this situation. Trying to give me this deep powerfull sexy stare does not help me right now. I didn't ask out the woman at the grocery store. I was kind of mad that she was trying to get my attention like that in such a strong way. Had just woken up from a nap. I went up and started a conversation with her to throw her off. But then it worked out good because she was happy that I talked to her. Her female friend came up to us and they were in the middle of buying cookie ingredients for their girls night.
Woggle Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 My wife did the proposing and while I asked us out on our first date she was the one who pushed to make it more serious so she did most of the chasing. Also my cat pretty much follow us around the house. If we don't close the bedroom door at night he will climb on our heads. 1
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I didn't ask out the woman at the grocery store. I was kind of mad that she was trying to get my attention like that in such a strong way. Had just woken up from a nap. I went up and started a conversation with her to throw her off. But then it worked out good because she was happy that I talked to her. Her female friend came up to us and they were in the middle of buying cookie ingredients for their girls night. A woman finds you attractive enough to give you the eye. Your reaction is to deliberately throw her off. But she actually likes talking to you and you do nothing about it. You do know that you've just blown your whole argument about cats not chasing out of the water? I think the truth is that you don't like cats who chase things.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 "trolling" is just my funny little word for this situation. Trying to give me this deep powerfull sexy stare does not help me right now. I didn't ask out the woman at the grocery store. I was kind of mad that she was trying to get my attention like that in such a strong way. Had just woken up from a nap. I went up and started a conversation with her to throw her off. But then it worked out good because she was happy that I talked to her. Her female friend came up to us and they were in the middle of buying cookie ingredients for their girls night. No. You were afraid. Why give excuses? People can see through them. But there is no shame in it. It's a scary thing to do. 1
Author SmartDude Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 No. You were afraid. Why give excuses? People can see through them. But there is no shame in it. It's a scary thing to do. Well, by that time I was just getting mad. I had been through similar situations in the past few days and so was already pre-sensitized. Grumpy as hell but then happy because, yes I pulled it off. I was already on my way to go out somewere that night. I had a tinder match that I was chating with, which was also another possibilty. But all my chances just went *poof*. Nothing panned out despite "great" oportunities flashing in front of my face. It would be great if I could find a situation were a women has her guard down and is just chatty and does not give a damn. But no, they all want to test you..
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 It would be great if I could find a situation were a women has her guard down and is just chatty and does not give a damn. But no, they all want to test you.. How was the supermarket woman testing you? All I can see is that she was giving you an invitation.
coolheadal Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Well, by that time I was just getting mad. I had been through similar situations in the past few days and so was already pre-sensitized. Grumpy as hell but then happy because, yes I pulled it off. I was already on my way to go out somewere that night. I had a tinder match that I was chating with, which was also another possibilty. But all my chances just went *poof*. Nothing panned out despite "great" oportunities flashing in front of my face. It would be great if I could find a situation were a women has her guard down and is just chatty and does not give a damn. But no, they all want to test you.. Stop thinking about you only in these situations, because the women out there have the same issues like you. They're putting up the guard so they don't get hurt or step on an etc. Why take a step back. If you want that fine, but your loosing out. Now I see who likes me and I move forward and you got to have confidence put your ego in your pocket an ask these women out. You have nothing to loose and don't let ego or fear get in your way. Drop their guard down by being you and not what they been used to bad, jerks or abusive guys. That's your enemy them you be who you are and do the right moves. You shouldn't have any trouble asking them out, the next part is the hardest the date and going beyond that date. We me tend to no push ourselves hard enough to make our lives more peaceful.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Well, by that time I was just getting mad. I had been through similar situations in the past few days and so was already pre-sensitized. Grumpy as hell but then happy because, yes I pulled it off. I was already on my way to go out somewere that night. I had a tinder match that I was chating with, which was also another possibilty. But all my chances just went *poof*. Nothing panned out despite "great" oportunities flashing in front of my face. It would be great if I could find a situation were a women has her guard down and is just chatty and does not give a damn. But no, they all want to test you.. Why be mad because she was flirting with you, and your hookup options disappeared? Do you feel entitled to have sex with women or something? Like they owe you?
Author SmartDude Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 Why be mad because she was flirting with you, and your hookup options disappeared? Do you feel entitled to have sex with women or something? Like they owe you? Thank you for asking questions, happy to answer. No, I do not feel entitled to have sex with women. I am aware that recently the media took over the word "incel" and now it is supposed to be this online cluture. I don't think that is entirely acurate but whatever I have not kept up on that community. The more accurate term for people who suffer these types of problems is "love shyness" as identified in the study and book by Dr. Brian Gilmartin. It is not a made up thing. I used to not talk to women at all. But besides that. I don't know maybe I thought in the back of my head that between going out that night, and my seperate tinder match that I also had going....that I would be too busy to go out with the woman at the grocery store? Its not like I was thinking about it with some master plan in mind.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Thank you for asking questions, happy to answer. No, I do not feel entitled to have sex with women. I am aware that recently the media took over the word "incel" and now it is supposed to be this online cluture. I don't think that is entirely acurate but whatever I have not kept up on that community. The more accurate term for people who suffer these types of problems is "love shyness" as identified in the study and book by Dr. Brian Gilmartin. It is not a made up thing. I used to not talk to women at all. But besides that. I don't know maybe I thought in the back of my head that between going out that night, and my seperate tinder match that I also had going....that I would be too busy to go out with the woman at the grocery store? Its not like I was thinking about it with some master plan in mind. This really strongly says "fear" to me. It's ok. There is no shame in that. But if you ever want to become confident with women, you have to face your underlying motivations and emotions. You can't deceive yourself. There is no shame in it.
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Women are trying to lock me in a gaze and I just see it as them trolling me. She did that damn thing women do were they lock their eyes on you in a sexy gaze(female trolling). OMG!!! ...and I never use "OMG" either, makes me feel like a Valley Girl or something. Where do you come up with that crap? "Trolling" because they hold eye contact!?!?! Holy crap! I ask again, where do you get this crap from? If a guy can't hold a woman's gaze she needs to run away fast. This is one of the first and most basic tests a confident woman will give a guy. Grow a pair and hold their gaze! I've only had one that was hard to do that with because she had such an intensity with it, but then I found out that occupationally she was some kind of therapist or counselor,...so she had an unfair advantage. Grow a pair.
PRW Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I was actually super bold just a few days ago.... To get a context,...what age group are we talking about here? Dealing with a 17yo is one thing,...dealing with a 35yo is something else.
Author SmartDude Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 OMG!!! ...and I never use "OMG" either, makes me feel like a Valley Girl or something. Where do you come up with that crap? "Trolling" because they hold eye contact!?!?! Holy crap! I ask again, where do you get this crap from? If a guy can't hold a woman's gaze she needs to run away fast. This is one of the first and most basic tests a confident woman will give a guy. Grow a pair and hold their gaze! I've only had one that was hard to do that with because she had such an intensity with it, but then I found out that occupationally she was some kind of therapist or counselor,...so she had an unfair advantage. Grow a pair. Well now, If she is testing me in a certain way it says a lot about her inteligence level. It actually depends on the type of gaze. I don't just put up with everything from women anymore. I am at a stage of life were I don't have to. This post reeks to me of the current alpha male-beta male paradigm that all of you younger men are invested in. That and the fancy fake pick up tequniques. Everywere I look now young guys are not having fun and are busy competing with each other. Back in the day you would just celebrate people's differences and party with each other.
Author SmartDude Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 To get a context,...what age group are we talking about here? Dealing with a 17yo is one thing,...dealing with a 35yo is something else. 18-45 is my age range.
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