MSN is a disease

[Original]

...right...i'm just another dumb idiot that fell for a girl which lives 1000 miles away in the other side of the ocean...like 2 years ago, and since then, i found out what love is and what hell is at the same time. i finally found someone which my key fits in, it was all a dream in the first months. it was the first time i knew the "romance" me, which is hidden in all men, we just have to unlock it. poems, songs, lyrics, all love related, in my and she's e-mail. an incredible experience which i never had in real life......but, time is a strong and can make things change so radically that hurts. after 5 months she was starting to change, became less talkative and didn't seem to pay much attention to me. well, it was since then i started to feel curious about her life, wishing i had all the money in the world so i could finally meet her and spent lovely days together....but destiny didn't give me money or anything that would send me right next to her....so I became what people usually call "stalker"...searching over the forums she usually is in, reading conversations she had.....i found some disturbing chats with some guys, she was being so...straightfoward...which made me jealous...and made me think she was dating some other guy..............weeks later, after very few chats i show up and she seems to get rid of me, in a subtle way....like "i don't feel like talking...".....and then i find out she is having some lively conversation with another guy (which was my friend)......and then i stoped like for a day....going to MSN (couldn't hold longer).....and then finally send her an e-mail saying "lately you seem more faraway...etc etc....and.....do you still love me?"......then no answer.......no answer..........so I had to ask my friend to ask her what's wrong.....my answer was "i never liked you, i hate you" and stuff like that....well, that was the worst thing i ever experienced, a total shock.......i had hunger problems and and became too thin, lost 60% of my muscle, i looked like some mummy, it's been a year and half since then and i look recovered..........i got through it.......finally forgot her.......i even found a new girlfriend......a real one this time.....a kissable, huggable, touchable one, finally got back to reality..........but then one day i accidentally see one drawing she made for me, one i forgot to delete from the computer....and finally started to miss her.............."WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT HER?!", "WE NEVER WERE TOGETHER IDIOT!", "IT WAS ALL A DREAM!", "SHE NEVER EXISTED!", "YOU DIDN'T EVEN MEET HER!! DUMBASS!"....was everything i could say to myself after that day....and then.....just like that....i see her coming online on MSN.......well....it was like........WTF?! ......my heart almost exploded trying to find any explainable excuses to that fact! she was online....that means she unblocked me....but I was on "offline mode"and she couldn't speak to me....and somehow i couldn't hit the "go online" button...and left to bed with all the tears in my face.......next day i received 7 e-mail from her....and all of them had something to do with "do you still wanna be friends".....i mean, like 1 year later.....then i spoke to her, we were all shy-like, ackwardness filled the PC screen, and we had a conversation like we never did, talking about our past days together....and after one month see said she still loves me.....i wasn't very surprised...there couldn't be another reason to that appearance....and i dumped my "real" girlfriend....all cold like....and i became the person i hate the most now, someone who can dump just like that, blunt, one day to another......but i couldn't help it though....i loved her...and this kinda feeling i had proves that love exists afterall........since that day it's been 2 months.....and we finally decided to stay friends and just friends and try to meet eachother later in life, when we were more free....and decided that we could have relationships.....and if the love is ON later, then we try. it was the worst choice ever....i agreed with her at the time.......but then i started to feel jealous when she talked about her "boy" friends and what she was doing with them....they could do something i never did...actually being with her.....and i couldn't help but to show signs of envy....and she was all "don't be so dumb about it".......i think, part of this is because i don't trust her....who would? in this situation....she's very unstable....like any other 18 year old girl is....they don't know what they really want, they are just wild beasts looking for an adventure and romance (wild good sex, for the one's that don't get it), but as soon as the passion fades, they leave you just like that, coldly....i know because i have had various experiences, with me and other people....which proves that young teenagers cannot Love, I mean...Love with a capital L....they can have "the hots" for someone......and I'm 22, with urges to have some SERIOUS relation......and all we can now do is wait? "no" i said......then "i'm going there and meet you, and finally know if you are meant to eachother", surprisingly she said "I'm ready for that"....so I started to save money, to go next year.........2 weeks later she didn't seem to pay attention to me, i had a "deja vu", i saw this in my past, and I feared the worst...the end is near again....and i repeated the same steps, being a stalker.....and i finally found she was having conversations with this brazilian guy about sex and orgasms......they were having online sex.......i think...that was 2 days ago.......yesterday i talked to her asking "what was that conversation about?"....and she answered "it's not me...".......and then, right away...she blocked me.........just like that.....i knew it because i have ways to know it...........and here am i.....feeling like the worst idiot ever, being manipulated......or so I think........is she mad because i thought she was having nasty conversations? or she is scared to face me after finding out that fact?...i sent her an e-mail after that and i got an "go **** yourself"...i know all your answers will be "let her go", "delete her", "block her too"........but............i love her

[ButtonPusher]

hmmmm i think you need to get out more and get away from the computer. The only contact you seem to have had is through emails and maybe instant messanging and you both say you love each other. Very weird. I'm not against people meeting off the internet, but going as far as saying that you love someone, after the only contact you have had is through emails is pretty strange. I think at a minimum you need to at least hear a persons voice to start to say that you love them. Did you ever actually talk to her on the phone??? You weren't in a real relationship with her, so she was free to go bang whoever she wanted to.

 

You should have stuck with that chick you dumped buddy.