leafguy Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) Evening everyone, Just looking for a bit of input / advice from anyone who has faced a similar situation. I have started the house hunting process with my other half and being in an area where housing prices are insane, we are looking at having to commute 30min to an hour to afford something (even then will be tight). We own a small dog that she had from her previous relationship, which is where the main problem we are facing comes in. With us both being an hour away, it is going to be alone for 8 - 10 hours a day. We both are still at home (currently she is paying a dog walker a couple times a week to walk it out @ $20.00 a walk). Based on the new scenario, it will need a walk a day as she refuses to leave it for more than 4 - 5 hours at a time. I have been a dog owner for the past 20 years of my life and they are family, but I can't fathom spending $400 - $500 a to walk one. Bottom line is, we can't afford it. I don't see an issue leaving it for that long as it will learn to make it through the day without issue (I've done it with mine), however the Mrs. has the opposite opinion that it isn't fair to the dog to be without attention that long and refuses to remove it from consideration. I also don't think her opinion is wrong as different breeds have different requirements. Way I see it currently is we keep it and leave it alone for the working hours, which is really the only option, short of putting it up for adoption or not buying a house. We don't have the room in the monthly budget for the kind of expenditure (she knows it). We have run the numbers multiple times, but she refuses to bend on it. I don't want it to be a bigger issue that it is, but it does make me question where her priorities are at times too. Edited July 30, 2018 by leafguy
Highndry Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 If the money's not there, where does she think it's coming from? I don't understand her line of thinking.
Noproblem Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 If I have a dog, I won't leave him at home for hours unattended I will get a dog walker. and this is my priorities, even if I have to suffer financially because of my dog. I currently suffer financially because of my fish. For me, the dog comes first then other things. I don't see why you see it any other way, I would question your priority too! You call the dog "it"! That tells so much about this poor dog! You don't like him because he is the reminder of her past relationship. Don't you know people break up over such things? a pet is a family member! If you have a kid, you won't leave the kid unattended, the same applies to the dog. I am not one of those people pretending to be dog lovers, then comes the storm, they leave the dog behind. Your gf obviously, is not the kind of person as well! The dog has no one to speak for him. He can't tell you what he feels. She feels it's unfair and it is really unfair to leave him for hours alone at the house! 4
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I used to leave our dog at home on it's own for 8-10 hours a day. I also let it poop on the sidewalk and left the cat outdoors at night. Times have changed. These days, there's an expectation that we look after the welfare of the animal (and the environment!). Welfare also includes making sure the dog is happy. Dogs are pack animals and need company. Your only other humane option is to get it company, but I think that a dog walker would work out cheaper in the long run. Failing that, find a loving home for the dog which can meet it's needs. 1
guest569 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Walk morning and night and leave some stuff for the dog to play with throughout the day. Do you both work the same hours? Any way to minimise the time dog spends alone?
PegNosePete Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She is perfectly free to spend her money on a dog walker for her dog, if she likes. And if she asks you to contribute your money for it, you're perfectly at liberty to say "no". You're not married, are you? Your property is not joint? 1
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Shop around for a cheaper dog walker. I think you can get good ones for as low as $10 per walk. Since you will own the house, invest in a fence & an automatic pet door. The dog wears a special electronic collar that opens & closes the door It can go in & out at its convenience while you are not home. The doors themselves are about $350 before installation. No that is not cheap but unlike the dog walker it's a one time expense not a recurring one. 4
amaysngrace Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Why do you call the dog "it" when "it" has a gender? Do you give your GF grief about the dog often? She loves her dog and if you love your GF then you should maybe try to be okay with the dog rather than look for problems. As far as the dog walking expense, donn0vain gave great advice. Put up a fence and get an automatic doggie door. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I agree with finding a cheaper dog walker and only doing it once a day. Or, buy a house that already has a fence and do what Donnivain suggested about the dog door (although the house has to be right for this also....this would not work in my home because of the layout). 1
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 How big is the dog? can it be trained to go potty on a doggy-pad? How old is the dog? Dog walkers here are like $30 an hour. She can find a student that would do the job for $10. I have a c0cker spaniel and he's perfectly happy being left home 8-10 hours a day. He does his job which is watch my property through the windows and sleep. A dog can sleep up to 18 hours a day, her dog is only awake half the time you're gone. There is nothing to get all worked up about. My dog just turned 11 yo. When my BF met me he knew not to interfere between my dog and I, my dog is my companion so I want him next to me on the couch, when bf isn't there he sleeps with me on the bed, I take him everywhere with me! etc. BF respects that because it's *my* home but he told me if one day we live together he would not want a dog on our furniture or even sleeping inside the house so guess what? We're just not gonna live together until my beloved spaniel pass. . 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 How big is the dog? can it be trained to go potty on a doggy-pad? How old is the dog? Dog walkers here are like $30 an hour. She can find a student that would do the job for $10. True. My daughter is a dog walker this summer and she's $20/day. And that includes when she has to drive to someone's house to do it and take care of other pets like chickens and fish. Don't go through a service like Rover. Find someone just doing it for some extra cash. 2
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Indeed, my little dog is alone at home for about 8-9 hours a day with no problems. Any longer than that, and I try to find someone to come and let her out. Thanks fully, that doesn’t happen often...
No_Go Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I think people with different attitudes towards pets can have lots of friction around it as you notice... I have a dog and a cat, and I'm pretty 'relaxed' with them, but I have a good intuition of their needs. I won't do a daily dog walker too but if I'm out for over 10 hours, I'd find someone to take my dog out in the middle of the day. It can be a walker or a neighbor. I also don't mind cleaning pee or ripped shoes, that's what dogs do, no big deal. If I didn't, I'd get walkers more often. I think financially you can figure it out - either get a dog door, or pay cheap to a neighbor kid, or shift schedules a bit (e.g. one of you runs home in their lunch break for a quick walk and stays longer at work, obviously depends on your work type but for many jobs is possible), but from the tone of the post I feel like there is more friction than the financial one.... One of the biggest regrets I have from past relationship is being too accommodating to my ex with my cat. He pretended to be/was allergic, so the cat was restricted in the house, actually he was deadly worried about his leather couches. My cat is still timid / people shy after this experience although the ex is a distant past. Current BF is all about pets, more than me and he treats his dogs like humans. Yeah initially was a bit weird to me, but in the end of the day I got attached to his guys too eating out with them or cuddling with his 100 lbs friend on my couch Thinking about it house would never be dog hair free and having a cat ensures some furniture rips, but it is just part of the deal of having a pet, I think they bring so much more to the table that minor annoyances are.. just that, minor. Bottom line think beyond the financial aspect, are you truly compatible with your partner if you have different attitudes about pets. 4
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) We own a small dog that she had from her previous relationship, which is where the main problem we are facing comes in.. I think part of the issue is this. I wonder why you felt you should mention the dog if from a previous relationship? How long have you been dating your girlfriend and have you tried to bond with the dog? Most of us will say *I have a dog* but you used the words we *own*. I find your choice of words intriguing. Edited July 30, 2018 by Gaeta 5
anika99 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 How big is the dog? can it be trained to go potty on a doggy-pad? How old is the dog? Dog walkers here are like $30 an hour. She can find a student that would do the job for $10. I have a c0cker spaniel and he's perfectly happy being left home 8-10 hours a day. He does his job which is watch my property through the windows and sleep. A dog can sleep up to 18 hours a day, her dog is only awake half the time you're gone. There is nothing to get all worked up about. My dog just turned 11 yo. When my BF met me he knew not to interfere between my dog and I, my dog is my companion so I want him next to me on the couch, when bf isn't there he sleeps with me on the bed, I take him everywhere with me! etc. BF respects that because it's *my* home but he told me if one day we live together he would not want a dog on our furniture or even sleeping inside the house so guess what? We're just not gonna live together until my beloved spaniel pass. . how do people know that a dog is perfectly happy to be alone? The reason I ask is because I have a Cocker/Springer cross and I work from home but I am required to go into the office 1-2 days a month. I truly thought my dog was just fine with this as when I would come home from being at the office he would be very ecstatic to see me but nothing seemed amiss. No potty accidents, nothing chewed or destroyed. Then I got some neighbors who tended to be home a lot and they reported that my dog was not happy alone at all. He would spend hours howling and crying and just pacing (they lived under me so they could hear him walking back and forth). I've actually never observed that kind of behaviour in him. Never once heard him howl, I was surprised that he even knew how to howl. I thought my neighbors were exaggerating but over the years several other people have confirmed that they have heard him and he sounds like he is in great distress. Until I was told I was blissfully unaware that he was so desperately unhappy when he was alone. I felt awful! Now I'm filled with guilt whenever I have to leave for the entire day. OP I'm also curious as to why you call your dog "it" and why you felt it necessary to say your gf got the dog while in a prior relationship? People who love their dog would never refer to their dog as "it" and most people would say their gf got the dog before the relationship or before you met, not that the dog came from a prior relationship like your gf birthed a dog fathered by another man, lol. I kind of think you don't like the dog and don't understand your gf's feelings. If there is a high school in the area perhaps you could find a student who would be willing to spend some time with the dog during the week for less money then a professional service. As I work from home I have doggy sat for my neighbors for free, just cause I love dogs and I'm home anyways. Once you get to know people in your neighborhood you might discover other options. 2
JuneL Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Omg, I’ve sometimes wondered if some people are faking cat allergies. When I was in college, there was this neighbor who would ask a few of us if we could do cat sitting for him while he’s out of town for a few days or so. Most of the other college kids in the neighborhood he asked said they’re allergic to cats. So I ended up doing that a few times I think people with different attitudes towards pets can have lots of friction around it as you notice... I have a dog and a cat, and I'm pretty 'relaxed' with them, but I have a good intuition of their needs. I won't do a daily dog walker too but if I'm out for over 10 hours, I'd find someone to take my dog out in the middle of the day. It can be a walker or a neighbor. I also don't mind cleaning pee or ripped shoes, that's what dogs do, no big deal. If I didn't, I'd get walkers more often. I think financially you can figure it out - either get a dog door, or pay cheap to a neighbor kid, or shift schedules a bit (e.g. one of you runs home in their lunch break for a quick walk and stays longer at work, obviously depends on your work type but for many jobs is possible), but from the tone of the post I feel like there is more friction than the financial one.... One of the biggest regrets I have from past relationship is being too accommodating to my ex with my cat. He pretended to be/was allergic, so the cat was restricted in the house, actually he was deadly worried about his leather couches. My cat is still timid / people shy after this experience although the ex is a distant past. Current BF is all about pets, more than me and he treats his dogs like humans. Yeah initially was a bit weird to me, but in the end of the day I got attached to his guys too eating out with them or cuddling with his 100 lbs friend on my couch Thinking about it house would never be dog hair free and having a cat ensures some furniture rips, but it is just part of the deal of having a pet, I think they bring so much more to the table that minor annoyances are.. just that, minor. Bottom line think beyond the financial aspect, are you truly compatible with your partner if you have different attitudes about pets.
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 how do people know that a dog is perfectly happy to be alone? When I get home, my little dog is usually cuddled up on the sofa and she looks pretty sleepy when she comes to greet me. I think she is ok, for the most part. My previous dog used to howl and cry when I left. I know this because I would test him by standing in the hallway to hear what he would do. I couldn't actually leave him at my condo because he would disturb the neighbours. So, I drove him everyday to my parents (I was puppy sitting, so he was going "home"). He was much more content at home. The sad reality is, I can't possibly be home with the dog all the time. She will have to spend some time alone... hopefully, she sleeps or sits at the window to watch the people on the street.
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) One of the biggest regrets I have from past relationship is being too accommodating to my ex with my cat. He pretended to be/was allergic, so the cat was restricted in the house, actually he was deadly worried about his leather couches. Bottom line think beyond the financial aspect, are you truly compatible with your partner if you have different attitudes about pets. I hate to say it, I love pets but I would be very upset if a cat tore up my leather furniture. Particularly, if it was not my cat... I can certainly appreciate his concern. As someone who has a cat allergy and is currently suffering because I don't want my boyfriend and his son to give up their cat, I would agree that it can be very difficult when people have different attitudes/allergies about pets. It takes significant compromise from both partners. Edited July 30, 2018 by BaileyB
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 how do people know that a dog is perfectly happy to be alone? The reason I ask is because I have a Cocker/Springer cross and I work from home but I am required to go into the office 1-2 days a month. I truly thought my dog was just fine with this as when I would come home from being at the office he would be very ecstatic to see me but nothing seemed amiss. No potty accidents, nothing chewed or destroyed. Then I got some neighbors who tended to be home a lot and they reported that my dog was not happy alone at all. He would spend hours howling and crying and just pacing (they lived under me so they could hear him walking back and forth). I've actually never observed that kind of behaviour in him. Never once heard him howl, I was surprised that he even knew how to howl. I thought my neighbors were exaggerating but over the years several other people have confirmed that they have heard him and he sounds like he is in great distress. Until I was told I was blissfully unaware that he was so desperately unhappy when he was alone. I felt awful! Now I'm filled with guilt whenever I have to leave for the entire day. . awww poor doggy! Any type of change in a dog's routine will bring him anxiety specially the spaniel breeds. My dog was 5 months when I got him so he was used to staying home without me since a baby. I live in a condo and asked my co-owners if they heard anything and they said they never hear a peep out of my dog. My bf has stayed in my home when on days off and he said all my dog do is sleep and watch outside and doesn't ask for attention. Spaniels are known for being anxious dogs I am lucky mine is pretty relaxed. Now, if I have to go away on a weekend I never leave him at someone's place that would traumatize him a great deal, the vet told me he's better to stay in my home, with his bed and toys and my smell and have someone stay with him or drop in like 4 times a day. If I were you I would ask I my vet what would be the best for those days you are not home. Is it possible to bring him to your office? If it's impossible I know I would be open to give my dog anxiety meds the day I leave, like you I cannot bare the thought of my dog suffering.
No_Go Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Omg, I’ve sometimes wondered if some people are faking cat allergies. When I was in college, there was this neighbor who would ask a few of us if we could do cat sitting for him while he’s out of town for a few days or so. Most of the other college kids in the neighborhood he asked said they’re allergic to cats. So I ended up doing that a few times I’m sure some do because after they start liking a given cat they suddenly ‘lose’ the allergy My ex’s dad was ‘allergic’ but then married a woman that brought in four cats and when I visited them, he was all fine... 1
No_Go Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I hate to say it, I love pets but I would be very upset if a cat tore up my leather furniture. Particularly, if it was not my cat... I can certainly appreciate his concern. As someone who has a cat allergy and is currently suffering because I don't want my boyfriend and his son to give up their cat, I would agree that it can be very difficult when people have different attitudes/allergies about pets. It takes significant compromise from both partners. Yeah that’s why if people are to live together they first need to be very explicit of expectations and IMO lose the notion my cat/your cat... it becomes ‘our cat’ ... like I hope everything else in the family, from furniture to kids... My BF has so many pets that it would require significant lifestyle change, but we have already start making some- fences everywhere, no leather stuff etc. Thinking about it it’s lots of work, but then how about having kids or if god forbid one get a medical condition requiring accommodations? It’s all part of life, pets require some sacrifices but also being a lot to their people..
coolheadal Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Evening everyone, Just looking for a bit of input / advice from anyone who has faced a similar situation. I have started the house hunting process with my other half and being in an area where housing prices are insane, we are looking at having to commute 30min to an hour to afford something (even then will be tight). We own a small dog that she had from her previous relationship, which is where the main problem we are facing comes in. With us both being an hour away, it is going to be alone for 8 - 10 hours a day. We both are still at home (currently she is paying a dog walker a couple times a week to walk it out @ $20.00 a walk). Based on the new scenario, it will need a walk a day as she refuses to leave it for more than 4 - 5 hours at a time. I have been a dog owner for the past 20 years of my life and they are family, but I can't fathom spending $400 - $500 a to walk one. Bottom line is, we can't afford it. I don't see an issue leaving it for that long as it will learn to make it through the day without issue (I've done it with mine), however the Mrs. has the opposite opinion that it isn't fair to the dog to be without attention that long and refuses to remove it from consideration. I also don't think her opinion is wrong as different breeds have different requirements. Way I see it currently is we keep it and leave it alone for the working hours, which is really the only option, short of putting it up for adoption or not buying a house. We don't have the room in the monthly budget for the kind of expenditure (she knows it). We have run the numbers multiple times, but she refuses to bend on it. I don't want it to be a bigger issue that it is, but it does make me question where her priorities are at times too. That dog is her responsibility not your problem. I am not sounding cold but the facts are you want to move to another locations you both work 1 hr away there are some new laws on the books saying the animal can't be left alone for certain number of hours a day or days too. If you do this you can get hit with a heavy fine or put in jail. Where I live is very strict on this matter. If the animal starts to cry (howl) and someone else hears it they can report you. That process gets complicated. You don't want to be in that process. So now you faced with dog sitter fees. She has to pay those fees not you. There are dog day-care centers you have to join and pay monthly. That's the only way it's going to work nonsense to think otherwise. You know already there is no solution to this. She has to pay the cost of expense for having this dog. If you both got this dog while you were in a relationship then you and her would cough-up the expensive to keep the dog happy while you were at work for 8 to 10 hours a day. Remember she has to know and understand this is not your problem, it's hers. If she wants to keep the dog she has to pay for it's care while you both are at work. Otherwise she would have to give it up for adoption.
Els Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I'm a bit confused. You say she doesn't want the dog to be alone for more than 5 hours a day, but currently she only hires a walker twice a week. What happens the rest of the time when she is working? The added commute is only 1 hr in total, so the dog is still alone for longer than 5 hours a day currently, no? That being said, this isn't the hill I'd die on. She's happy to pay for the walker herself, right? And you aren't merging finances? Just let it be in that case. It's not like she's buying Prada on a regular basis.
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) I did a bit of snooping. In your last thread you were bringing up her financial irresponsibility. She also is living with her parents now so she has never been fully responsible for the roof over her head, right?. Also I see you've been dating not even 18 months. Her wanting to shed $500 a month on a dog walker is a prelude to what is waiting for you. When you're late 20s (she's 29) and you've never had to fetch for yourself you don't really understand how hard it is to earn a buck. When you say *we cannot afford it* it's because you'd be the one reaching in your pocket right? . Edited July 30, 2018 by Gaeta 1
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