confused_gf Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Hey guys, So I recently got into Tinder. Mind you, I'm looking for something genuine and I know this can be somewhat of a challenge when using this app. I've weeded through the very casual hookup requests and the shirtless guys but then I'm confronted with something a little more vague. So far I've chatted with a few guys who seem alright and it seems to go like this: Them: Hey... Me: Hey! Hows it going? [insert small talk] Them: So what do you like to do for fun? Me: I don't know, I'm pretty low key Them: Alright, wanna come to my place and hang out? With one guy (who checked off some boxes: handsome, "god-fearing", stable job) he was asking me this at close to midnight! He did say it wouldn't be "that type" of company but still? I was thinking casual lunch date? Or coffee? Am I old fashioned? My first question: am I giving these guys the wrong impression by saying I am a homebody/low maintenance? Secondly: meeting up at someone you barely knows house to "hang out" or "cuddle" (as one guy put it)? Isn't that just a round about way of getting into the casual hookup sphere or worse getting raped/murdered? Or are these guys just seeing things through their own innocent lens of not understanding what it is like to be a female? At this point I usually drop the guy all together as I figure he doesn't have common sense or is the type who is incapable of directing the natural and normal flow of a relationship (or is simply out for sex). But am I wrong for that?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 No decent guy is gonna ask you to come over and cuddle when you barely know him I had that happen quite a few times and each time was a firm no. One guy stopped me on the street and asked me on a date. I was also thinking coffee/drinks/dinner etc. He wanted to show me pictures of his travels (he was a tourist) and I thought he would bring his laptop or camera. He expected me to go to his place right away and cut the date short when I said no. Low maintenance doesn't mean you'll just give them sex or trust them right away. 1
Noproblem Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I don't know, someone asking me to come to his house to hang out without meeting him in a public place first, is just insane! I think these men, just try their luck with all the girls they chat with hoping for that girl who says "YEs" ! As for stop talking to them altogether, I think I would do the same.
Highndry Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) It's Tinder. If you're not DTF then you're on the wrong app. PS - As a guy I always suggest a public place to meet the first time, so the woman is comfortable. I think it's incredibly weird to invite a woman over to my place having never met her. I don't want a strange woman knowing where I live, either. There's a lot of crazy out there. Edited July 30, 2018 by Highndry 2
Author confused_gf Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) It's Tinder. If you're not DTF then you're on the wrong app. PS - As a guy I always suggest a public place to meet the first time, so the woman is comfortable. I think it's incredibly weird to invite a woman over to my place having never met her. I don't want a strange woman knowing where I live, either. There's a lot of crazy out there. Haha I just saw one guys profile said "looking for something real on Tinder is like watching pornhub for the plot" now I feel stupid But hey, at least my intentions were good. Edited July 30, 2018 by confused_gf 2
MaleIntuition Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 It depends on where you are swiping. Tinder on some places are definitely used for both casual and serious. And yes; I think you are giving the wrong impression when you tell them that you are “low maintenance”. Another inherent problem with Tinder is that girls tend to be to picky while guys tend to be not picky enough, which creates a sort of imbalance in matches. That could explain why your matches are okey with casual but not interested in putting in more effort. 1
kendahke Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 At this point I usually drop the guy all together as I figure he doesn't have common sense or is the type who is incapable of directing the natural and normal flow of a relationship (or is simply out for sex). But am I wrong for that? They are interpreting this: Them: So what do you like to do for fun? Me: I don't know, I'm pretty low key Them: Alright, wanna come to my place and hang out? to mean that you're down for netflix and chill. If "pretty low key" doesn't mean that, then you're going to have to expound on this point and explain what "pretty low key" means. Does it mean taking a walk in the park, does it mean not going out, does it mean going to the movies and a snack?
brigit87 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) Hey guys, So I recently got into Tinder. Mind you, I'm looking for something genuine and I know this can be somewhat of a challenge when using this app. I've weeded through the very casual hookup requests and the shirtless guys but then I'm confronted with something a little more vague. So far I've chatted with a few guys who seem alright and it seems to go like this: Them: Hey... Me: Hey! Hows it going? [insert small talk] Them: So what do you like to do for fun? Me: I don't know, I'm pretty low key Them: Alright, wanna come to my place and hang out? With one guy (who checked off some boxes: handsome, "god-fearing", stable job) he was asking me this at close to midnight! He did say it wouldn't be "that type" of company but still? I was thinking casual lunch date? Or coffee? Am I old fashioned? My first question: am I giving these guys the wrong impression by saying I am a homebody/low maintenance? Secondly: meeting up at someone you barely knows house to "hang out" or "cuddle" (as one guy put it)? Isn't that just a round about way of getting into the casual hookup sphere or worse getting raped/murdered? Or are these guys just seeing things through their own innocent lens of not understanding what it is like to be a female? At this point I usually drop the guy all together as I figure he doesn't have common sense or is the type who is incapable of directing the natural and normal flow of a relationship (or is simply out for sex). But am I wrong for that? Why in the world would any woman EVER sign up for Tinder is beyond me. Things to do instead of signing up for Tinder: 1. Go to a ballgame (hate sports but lots of men there.) 2. Get a job at Home Depot (Good discounts and lots of men.) 3. Become a nun. Edited July 30, 2018 by brigit87 1
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I am on Tinder and looking for something genuine is like saying I am trying to lose weight on potato chips! I know it'll be hard but I am giving it a try. When you want a tooth repaired you don't go see your mechanic so if you are looking for something genuine use the proper tools to find it. 1
Zippy2000 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 You need to read what the guy are replying to you. You wrote about "Them": "Them: So what do you like to do for fun"? They are quite clever by using the word FUN but that implies nothing serious, nothing too committed and to me that just refers to sex. What you should be asking or "them" is. "What are you looking for"? That was you know an catch a lot of people out. Some people are straight and tell you honestly they`re just looking for a hookup. Some are darn good lars and hard to spot but if you ask this question. You can narrow down the time wasters and sex pests. if you ask What are you looking for and they reply a relationship then you can then take it from there. Read up about Gary Ridgeway and youll knowabout pyschopaths and serial killers. Stay safe.
stillafool Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Why do people go on hook up sites like Tinder to find a boyfriend?
coolheadal Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) Hey guys, So I recently got into Tinder. Mind you, I'm looking for something genuine and I know this can be somewhat of a challenge when using this app. I've weeded through the very casual hookup requests and the shirtless guys but then I'm confronted with something a little more vague. So far I've chatted with a few guys who seem alright and it seems to go like this: Them: Hey... Me: Hey! Hows it going? [insert small talk] Them: So what do you like to do for fun? Me: I don't know, I'm pretty low key Them: Alright, wanna come to my place and hang out? With one guy (who checked off some boxes: handsome, "god-fearing", stable job) he was asking me this at close to midnight! He did say it wouldn't be "that type" of company but still? I was thinking casual lunch date? Or coffee? Am I old fashioned? My first question: am I giving these guys the wrong impression by saying I am a homebody/low maintenance? Secondly: meeting up at someone you barely knows house to "hang out" or "cuddle" (as one guy put it)? Isn't that just a round about way of getting into the casual hookup sphere or worse getting raped/murdered? Or are these guys just seeing things through their own innocent lens of not understanding what it is like to be a female? At this point I usually drop the guy all together as I figure he doesn't have common sense or is the type who is incapable of directing the natural and normal flow of a relationship (or is simply out for sex). But am I wrong for that? Tinder is casual sex, some say it's not but it sure does live up to that reputation. I for one won't count on these apps to find a woman who would be more ideal for me. I am just like when they said to you and you said "I don't know, I am pretty low key" See I like to have fun when I say that word I mean go out and go to like amusement center play some air hockey, even do bumper cars or shoot some basket balls into moving hoop. Things like that. That guy has sex on his brain. I had a woman tell me to go back to her place, I wasn't interested in her that way, she wasn't my type. I just met her at Panera Bread on date. So you have to be careful who you chat with. But Tinder and Bubble dating apps are not the best choices to meet anyone. Edited July 30, 2018 by coolheadal
Grey40 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 You can find serious people on tinder, but if a guy is asking you to come over for the very first meet, that’s obviously just a hook up, how you can’t tell that is pretty mindblowing, guess I should be trying that more often
brigit87 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I am on Tinder and looking for something genuine is like saying I am trying to lose weight on potato chips! I know it'll be hard but I am giving it a try. When you want a tooth repaired you don't go see your mechanic so if you are looking for something genuine use the proper tools to find it. Why don't you try eharmony or Christian dating stuff?
Striver Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I think you need to find another dating app. I have never been on Tinder, but low-key, chatty answers could be interpreted there as you being DTF. Yeah, there might be serious people on Tinder, but if they are drowned out by the people looking for hookups, it's going to be a waste of your time for the most part.
SevenCity Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Although people will bash tinder, you’ll find the same guys on multiple sites. Just because someone is on match or Eharmony doesn’t mean they aren’t looking for casual sex. If a guy asks you to come to his place site unseen, then he is most likely looking for easy sex...regardless of the site he is on. 2
kendahke Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Why don't you try eharmony or Christian dating stuff? They're infested with scammers
kendahke Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Although people will bash tinder, you’ll find the same guys on multiple sites. This is so true. There is a guy who lives not far from me and we talked years ago on OKC or something like that. I live about 5 miles away from him and he was too precious to come to my area. Since he didn't want to date outside of his immediate area, I dropped him. I'd joined another site not too long ago, and he actually hit me up again. I told him that based on past experience, the answer is "no" this time around, too. I see a lot of people on various different dating sites, as I've tried various different dating sites myself.
stillafool Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 But everyone knows that Tinder was originally for hook ups with good looking people so why would anyone who wants a serious relationship start looking there is beyond me.
SevenCity Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 But everyone knows that Tinder was originally for hook ups with good looking people so why would anyone who wants a serious relationship start looking there is beyond me. Originally. Things change. Not to say the site is good, but there have been several posters who found LTRs on tinder. Personally I found the site garbage but I think that is area and age specific.
kendahke Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 But everyone knows that Tinder was originally for hook ups with good looking people so why would anyone who wants a serious relationship start looking there is beyond me. Only 5% of people using Tinder now use it for hookups. It's morphed into a regular dating app.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Only 5% of people using Tinder now use it for hookups. It's morphed into a regular dating app. It still doesn't stop the title of this thread from being hilarious.
Kmo Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 I have tried a few dating apps/sites and in general most men just want sex simple as that. Not saying every man is same but 90% are. Some will admit that’s what they want others will try saying they want to meet and see where things go or other things to hide their true intentions. Anyone wanting to meet at their house or your house is a warning sign to avoid them. You don’t know them they don’t know you so why meet anywhere that no one else will be? I’ve met a few men off line all in public places and never had bad experience tho some have been better than others. 2 of worst ones were a 1 off meeting that went well, we planned to meet next day but he made excuse that was clearly made up. I let him know I didn’t believe him and he started showing his true colours slagging me off threatening to kill me, wishing me to be raped, slagging my mum off who he didn’t even know. Luckily he didn’t know where I lived so he couldn’t hurt me but if he had known my address I would have been scared as I didn’t know what he was capable of. Second one I did get into a relationship with and he did know my address. Turned out after saying he wanted relationship he actually wanted sex and someone to carry out his fantasies on. That was being tied up and have sex. Luckily he didn’t try to force this on me but he kept going on about it and sending me photos of people tied up in end I ended things with him.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Second one I did get into a relationship with and he did know my address. Turned out after saying he wanted relationship he actually wanted sex and someone to carry out his fantasies on. That was being tied up and have sex. Luckily he didn’t try to force this on me but he kept going on about it and sending me photos of people tied up in end I ended things with him. That is so weird.
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