max3732 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 There's a woman a met to play tennis with and she's roughly my age (mid 30s) and is an extremely serious athlete and tennis player. When we'd played before in groups she was all business. Instead today with just me she was extremely talkative and I learned a lot more about her including about her dating life. She just got out of a long relationship and told me about it and also the kinds of guys she generally likes and the problems she's run into and that she's already started dating a few guys again, but not seriously. She asked me about what kind of dating I've done and I was honest and also told her the problems I've had. Why would she tell me all about her ex and that she's still looking? Is she even considering me or thinking I'm like one of her girlfriends she can just talk to? Should I consider asking her out?
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Should I consider asking her out? What have you got to lose?
salparadise Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I think that she's trying to open the door to that. Otherwise she'd just keep mum since you aren't one of her girlfriends. I guess it could be oversharing but I doubt it. Ask her to go for a drink after tennis... bring condoms.
SevenCity Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I ... bring condoms. Lol! Good advice though. I too feel she wouldn't be telling you if she wasn't interested. She's letting you know she's single - my gf did the same thing but was a lot more direct telling me how she just wants to find one person. Not sure what problems you've had with dating, but when it comes to women it is always best to put a positive spin on it "I've dated many nice women but have yet to find one I want to have a long term Rl with". Worst thing you can do is tell her no girl wants a second date with you (not sure what the issues were) or bad mouth previous gf's or dates (she will think you will do the same to her). You want to appear to be a confident catch - even if you're not. Confidence makes panties wet.
mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Hmmm … Rookie mistakes and she's obviously never been burned a day in her life by others in her dating life or otherwise. I keep all my things past tightly guarded from others especially upon a first meeting. Keep them guessing, it's best. But I digress … As to how you feel about it? Well, she made the mistake of talking to you like you were another woman friend of telling you about the past. After knowing this, do you like her still? If so, then yes ask her out. If not because of what she told you, then just friendzone her and that's that.
coolheadal Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Ask her if she's really single and not seeing or living with any guy? If not then you have the door open and take her out of date. So I say yes go for it!
Gretchen12 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 When I do it it's because I think of the guy like a girl friend and I want him to know that. But of course I don't know what this woman is doing.
SevenCity Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Ask her if she's really single and not seeing or living with any guy? If not then you have the door open and take her out of date. So I say yes go for it! Yes. Accuse her of being a cheater. That will open her right up
kendahke Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 She's letting you know that she sees you just as a friend or someone to play tennis with. That's it. No, don't ask her out. She wouldn't have talked about her ex or her dating life if she wanted to date you. 1
coolheadal Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Yes. Accuse her of being a cheater. That will open her right up You didn't get my point here. I am trying teach him how to find out if she seeing someone or living with someone. You as a man do not want to date someone who's has BF or HD or some lover in their life. You need to know who or what and if if they're available 100% not 10%, 25% or 50%.. Nope..
Highndry Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I'm not sure what her intentions are but I can tell you this: The LAST thing I want to hear about is a woman's relationships or dating life. I cannot stand the subject matter and it completely turns me off to the woman.
bachdude Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She's talking to you because she just got out of a long term relationship, she's not completely over it yet and still needs to get things off her chest. You were there so she opened up. It's a bad sign. You'd be nothing more than a bandaid for her still festering sore. In other words - a rebound. Be a gentleman and leave her be.
act00 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She's either trying to be clear to you she's on the market, or she considers you a friend and is treating you as such...or she's not ready to get involved and this is her way of letting you know. If you want to take a chance, ask her out. If she's just outside of a LTR, she's probably not in the best place for another LTR...rebound.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She's either trying to be clear to you she's on the market, or she considers you a friend and is treating you as such...or she's not ready to get involved and this is her way of letting you know. If you want to take a chance, ask her out. If she's just outside of a LTR, she's probably not in the best place for another LTR...rebound. Once again, what do you have to lose? Facing rejection can be considered an exercise. It will make you stronger, if nothing else. No pain no gain, and in this case, you really can only gain.
carhill Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 When I do it it's because I think of the guy like a girl friend and I want him to know that. But of course I don't know what this woman is doing. Having had dozens of female friends in life and having gotten stuck in the friend and brother-zone many times, yup, agree with this. I know when a woman I don't really know at all talks with me at this level I'm not anywhere on her relationship ladder. Sure, sometimes I've been knocked over by my attraction and ignored that but the results were always the same. IMO, the advice from some to ask her on a date, presuming OP finds her attractive, is sound. If anything but an enthusiastic yes, batting the ball across a net is all that's going to happen. 1
Juha Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She knows you to a certain level and is comfortable sharing things with you. She more than likely is not interested in anything romantic with you Have never talked about dating with someone who was interested in me. I have had talks like that with female friends and that is all they are...
PRW Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) Instead today with just me she was extremely talkative and I learned a lot more about her including about her dating life. She just got out of a long relationship and told me about it and also the kinds of guys she generally likes and the problems she's run into and that she's already started dating a few guys again, but not seriously.Two possibilities: She is interested and is a backhanded way of letting you know she is single.She noticed via the "women's radar" that you are interested,...she's not,...and is saying, "I just dumped one idiot,...and am dating some new ones,...so stay away. Pick one. She asked me about what kind of dating I've done and I was honest and also told her the problems I've had.Women don't want to hear about your problems. They want to find out if you are "a Man" and that you "know what you are doing" on a date. So you really screwed that one up. Why would she tell me all about her ex and that she's still looking?It is drama, and drama brings emotions, and women thrive on emotions. Is she even considering me or thinking I'm like one of her girlfriends she can just talk to?Most likely the latter because I think you allowed it to continue on too long and responded by telling her all your "problems with dating" like another woman would do, rather than responding like a Man who's willing to show her how it is done properly by offering her a dating opportunity. Should I consider asking her out?Doesn't hurt to try. The worst that could happen is that she would decline and won't come around you any more for fear you'll be a stalker. So don't be a stalker. You "offer" her a date,...you "invite" her,...you don't "ask". Insecure guys "ask",...confident guys offer and invite. It is "Let's go..." rather than "Would you like to go?". It is the attitude that you are going to go out and have a blast next Friday night, and you are inviting her to come have a great time with you. If she doesn't come along then she is missing out. Now you don't say it that way,...it is just the frame of mind you want to get yourself in. Make the date about a week out. It is your job to already decide on a specific day/time/place. It is her job to show up and enjoy,...not be your dating planner. If you pick a time that clashes with her calendar she will either clear her calendar (without telling you about it) or she will make a counter offer. If she does neither, take is as a "no" without being butt-hurt or even bothered about it. If it is a "no" wait about 2 weeks and try again in the same manner. If you get another "no" then take no for no and forget it. The good news is that most women will accept a first date from almost anyone just to "see what happens". But they are not emotionally bound and are not your "girlfriend" at that early point in the game. Edited July 30, 2018 by PRW
basil67 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 She's telling you this because she finds you a good listener and easy to talk with. Anything further is pure speculation.
Author max3732 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Posted July 31, 2018 Having had dozens of female friends in life and having gotten stuck in the friend and brother-zone many times, yup, agree with this. I know when a woman I don't really know at all talks with me at this level I'm not anywhere on her relationship ladder. Sure, sometimes I've been knocked over by my attraction and ignored that but the results were always the same. IMO, the advice from some to ask her on a date, presuming OP finds her attractive, is sound. If anything but an enthusiastic yes, batting the ball across a net is all that's going to happen. There has been some contradictory advice here, but I think it wouldn't hurt to ask her out and since she's knows I'm single and looking it wouldn't be too much of a surprise. I am extremely confident she enjoyed playing tennis with me and somewhat sure she at least enjoys chatting so I don't think that asking her out would stop either of those things or make it awkward going forward. That being said, how/when to ask her out? While we're taking a breather from batting the ball around and talking? Do I tie it into her telling me she's single?
carhill Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 Flirt while playing/finishing up a tennis round and ask her to continue over dinner. If she likes you she'll say yes. If not, there will be excuses or reasons. Done. Some guys will continue on playing tennis and stuff their attraction down if she doesn't say yes. I was one of those. Not healthy. Own your attraction and, if not reciprocated, move on. The days of wooing women who know one and aren't sure are in the past. It's not like you just met. She already knows whether she doesn't want to go out with you, have sex with you, whatever. Women here tell us that generally happens almost immediately, the 'doesn't'. If she's on the fence, the flirting will tell the tale.
Miss Spider Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 When girls talk about their ex a lot it generally means that they are not over them and need someone to vent to about it 1
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