bachdude Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Perhaps she sexually wants guys more her own age but still loves you - a conundrum for her. Perhaps she reasoned that hooking up with other guys with your blessing will solve the problem. If she knows about your open relationship with your first wife, she may have thought you would be open to it and worth a shot to bring it up. Problem is, you don't like it and even if she agreed to not have an open relationship to placate your worries, she has already expressed her wants and desires and they are not going to just disappear. It will always be in the back of your mind and in the front of her mind. She would have to suppress these desires for the rest of the relationship or marriage, if you tie the knot. You need to face the fact that she may not be able to resist a younger, hot guy who makes a move on her. Weigh this carefully. Do you want two divorces and another heartbreak? So, IMO, you should seriously consider you are not compatible If it's hard for you, put yourself into the future with her and imagine finding out she has had some hook ups on the side. Not such a nice feeling, is it? Yeah, it will be 1000x worse in real life. Imagine now having a kid or two in the middle of this. 1
Doost Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I guess her being 20 years younger explains why you’re willing to put up with the humiliation of looking for your consent to cheat. Expect the sex you have with her to come to zero if you give her permission 1
TheBathWater Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 (edited) I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now. We have discussed marriage many times and I actually bought her a ring and was planning to propose in August. <SNIP> Open relationships work when they make a couple's relationship better. In your case, and given the context of the situation, it sounds like it would hurt your relationship. Every relationship is different. You said it yourself. In your last relationship, you could share your ex with other guys and it wasn't a big deal, but in this case, it is. The problem is not you. It is okay if you are not comfortable with this proposed arrangement. Edited July 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 The other piece is that I love this woman very much and wish I could find a way to work through this and make things work between us. This is a fool talkin.......this why you are here...because you CAN'T find a solution. Well that's for a very good reason. Reality is very heavy, and it's has you suck on the bottom of the deep end. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I don’t know if this piece of information makes any difference or not but I am 49 years old and she is 28. So there is a bit of an age gap. It has never been a problem for us as we are both very fit professionals with successful careers and have a lot in common other than the sex part. Even the sex is amazing, just not as frequent as I would want. The oral and other stuff I could live without. This woman has not cheated on me. She was just being open and honest about what her desires are. I do not like her desires and would never be able to give this to her of course; however, I can hardly be angry at her for having them. I do feel a bit insecure now knowing that this is something that she would like to try, especially given her lack of intense passion and interest in sex over the past 3 years. The other piece is that I love this woman very much and wish I could find a way to work through this and make things work between us. Unfortunately, OP, you have a woman who's just not that sexually attracted to you. Trust me on this one. She is willing to open herself up to complete strangers, but not to you - that should tell you a lot. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. This woman just doesn't have that deeper chemistry for you that's generally needed to sustain a long-term relationship, let alone a marriage. She is pulling out of your relationship but she doesn't yet have the stones to break up with you. She first essentially wants to date around, with your permission. I can tell you how that will end. It won't be nice for you. 1
Kelliousme Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 So based on what you're saying, she wants you the kit kat bar but just not that often and she wants other candy bars like snickers etc. Is this the reason why she wants an open relationship and why she only wants sex with you 1-2 times a week? Because you mentioned that she said she's just not as horny as you.. but then she wants an open relationship where she wants to have sex with other men. Sorta confusing there but overall she sounds like a mess and very disrespectful. Also, sexual compatibility is a thing. If she can't satisfy you and she makes you feel undesired I suggest you should end things there. You shouldn't stay in a relationship that takes away your sleep and makes you feel unhappy. Along with how she brought up having a open relationship, I'd say you should definitely consider breaking things off..
olivetree Posted July 31, 2018 Posted July 31, 2018 It makes no sense that someone that claims they have a low libido would want to have strictly sexual relationship with other men. The only explanation is that she is not fully sexually attracted to you. She is squeamish about certain things because she lacks that raw passion for you. It sucks but maybe the relationship has run its course
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