Benji1991 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Hi all, 2 weeks ago I split from someone who I was seeing for a year and became very attached to. We have been NC for 2 weeks and the first week was ok, I kept busy and concentrated on my own goals and self care But 2 days ago the worst feeling In the world came over me and I cannot identify what it is or why its happening, all I can describe it as is an exquisitely intense feeling of discomfort and unease, a sort of anxiety. it feels like the only thing that can stop it is if I reach out to her for comfort. I dont know what to do because i can't cope with it. what could it be?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 It's the sadness and loneliness that usually accompanies a break-up, particularly when it was not mutual. I am gathering she was the one who called it off? I'm sorry you're going through this, but rest assured, it's a completely normal part of breaking up. Also, keep in mind that the source of your pain cannot be the remedy for your pain - in other words, calling her for comfort will not have the effect you hope for. Why did you break up?
Author Benji1991 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Posted July 29, 2018 It's the sadness and loneliness that usually accompanies a break-up, particularly when it was not mutual. I am gathering she was the one who called it off? I'm sorry you're going through this, but rest assured, it's a completely normal part of breaking up. Also, keep in mind that the source of your pain cannot be the remedy for your pain - in other words, calling her for comfort will not have the effect you hope for. Why did you break up? we were never really together, we were just two friends who became very close, initially she had feelings for me but I backed off and she lost interest, 6 months later I developed feelings for her but she backed off saying she see's me as a friend...the issue was probably the fact I have become emotionally dependant on her, I made her the center of my life and became possessive... so the relationship doesn't really have any unresolvable issues...but here we find ourselves ...I am in pain because Im detaching and we havent spoken for 2 weeks...I wonder if one day when the dust has settled we may see a future together
Author Benji1991 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Posted July 29, 2018 Timing wasn't right. Sorry friend. any tips for puking out heartache and moving on?
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 (edited) Yes. 1. Keep telling yourself the relationship is 100% over. Do it until the pain arises. When you're in touch with your feelings, they are ready to come out. The next part is critical: don't push them back down. Sit or lay down, and embrace the feelings 100%. Go into it fully. Imagine a hole in your heart, where the pain is, and that pain is seeping out of this hole like air escapes from a balloon. Do this until you can barely feel it anymore. Cry when you feel the urge. Focus on the feeling, not the thoughts - the thoughts only make it worse. When you feel the knife-life sharp pain in the chest, you are getting the heart of it out. 2. When thoughts about her occur, redirect your thoughts. Think "no contact, no contact, no contact." The more you cut yourself off from it, the better you will be in the long run. Even if you guys had no bad vibes, it is best to go no contact, it speeds up the healing process so much. Contact, whether by texting or even through thought, has a habit of creating hope and more heartache that we will then have to deal with again. 3. After that, try to work on your self-esteem a bit (new clothes, read some books to better yourself, and work out daily). Go out and meet new people. Not to rebound, but to gain perspective: there are lots of attractive fish in the sea. Good luck. Edited July 29, 2018 by ThreeRainbows 1
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