anika99 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 So they were in the bar kissing and flirting. Then they got into a cab where more making out took place and thing got even steamier. Then they went up to her apartment and when they were finally alone and at the height of being hot and heavy for her he suddenly thought "wait a minute, I'm an engaged man and I love my fiance" and he ran out the door and went home. OP I guess your future happiness depends on if you're going to swallow that story. You probably think his story must be true because he didn't have to tell you at all so if he didn't want to be honest why even confess to anything? sometimes people tell a very watered down version of the truth in order to do damage control and to stay ahead. First he was kissing her in public in the bar and that means people saw them fooling around which means there was a possibility you could hear about it sometime later. Best to get his version of the story out there right now so if you hear something later you will brush it off as old news. And whoever tells first is the one who is believed so if you hear a different version later you won't believe it. I don't believe your fiancé. I think he considered the possible outcomes and decided a partial confession would serve him best. If he had said nothing at all and you heard about him messing around with this girl later on from someone else then you wouldn't be inclined to believe anything he has to say about it because he was already dishonest by not telling himself. By coming forward right now and giving you a watered down partially true story he establishes credibility as being open and forthcoming. He's thinking like a lawyer. I wouldn't believe him but that doesn't mean my suspicions are correct. Only you can decide what you are going to believe. I'd say see a counselor before you make a final decision. 1
Normm Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 There is no reason to believe your fiancee's story given his untrustworthy actions to date. He's got every reason to trickle truth you and every reason NOT to share the full story. There's over a billion people on the planet. Find one without so many red flags, remember marriage is supposed to be forever. 1
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I would forgive him because I think the alcohol got the best of his judgment. I appreciate that he came clean and has been very honest and remorseful. BUT - I would be VERY clear that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and will never happen again - or I will be long gone... You can’t tell him not to drink, but you can certainly have a discussion about respectful boundaries and make it very clear that there will be serious “consequences” if this was ever to happen again... 1
ThreeRainbows Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I would forgive him because I think the alcohol got the best of his judgment. I appreciate that he came clean and has been very honest and remorseful. Was he very honest? Maybe he did sleep with her. We don't really know.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 There is no reason to believe your fiancee's story given his untrustworthy actions to date. He's got every reason to trickle truth you and every reason NOT to share the full story. That would be my concern also, and it's why I have encouraged OP to ask more questions about this night and this particular women. Perhaps he is telling the truth, but as you point out, many cheaters only admit to a little bit of what happened - enough to assuage their guilt, but not enough to reveal the whole story. Either way, OP, I would have a long talk with him.
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 Was he very honest? Maybe he did sleep with her. We don't really know. No, we don’t know for sure. I would like to believe that nothing more happened, but I do think he showed spectacularly poor judgment in going home with this woman. I’m just leary to advise someone to end what has otherwise been described as a good relationship without knowing more about the person involved. OP, I think premarital counselling is in order and I would trust your judgment - keep your eyes and ears open to everything...
ThreeRainbows Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 No, we don’t know for sure. I would like to believe that nothing more happened, but I do think he showed spectacularly poor judgment in going home with this woman. I’m just Leary to advise someone to end he relationship months before the wedding without knowing more about the person involved. OP, I think premarital counselling is in order and I would try your judgment - keep your eyes and ears open to everything... I know it's a bit forward, but I would just consider calling the girl involved and asking her. She might not be forthcoming with you, but it would solve the problem. You'd have to be completely respectful and not judging/argumentative towards her though. Or, you could ask your fiance to do a three-way with her on the other line. Have him ask her directly in front of you.
preraph Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 The problem is she works with him and this is simply going to continue. And who knows if she did it or not -- and does that really matter? Every day he's going to see this woman at work and she's going to be after him. I'd ask him: What are you going to do about this woman at work? See what he says. I'm sure he'll weasel. that leaves you free to call her and tell her you know and don't appreciate it and see what she says.
BC1980 Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 No, we don’t know for sure. I would like to believe that nothing more happened, but I do think he showed spectacularly poor judgment in going home with this woman. I’m just leary to advise someone to end what has otherwise been described as a good relationship without knowing more about the person involved. OP, I think premarital counselling is in order and I would trust your judgment - keep your eyes and ears open to everything... I agree with this. It seems really drastic to throw away a years long relationship without at least trying to work through it. It would be different if he had been carrying on a legitimate affair behind her back. It's terrible timing that they are getting married so soon because it adds extra pressure.
springy Posted August 4, 2018 Posted August 4, 2018 I find it very hard to believe that after all the actions that led to him ending up in her house, he then turned around and left. However, the question is can you live with the fact that he has done this and be happy and feel secure in this relationship ? Forget what family or friends say or how much they love him, you’re the one who has to live with him. If you decide to carry-on in this relationship what happens next? You’re not going to trust him when he goes out with his friends anymore. He’s got to work with the woman, can you handle him being around her on an almost daily basis? What else will he have to change to help you feel secure again? Whether he went all the way or not this is a game changer. For me it’s a dealbreaker, but that’s because I’ve been through a situation like this before. I was a paranoid nervous wreck. Maybe you are stronger than I was in that regard. Think long and hard and put the wedding on hold at the very least, so you have plenty of time to make the decision that is best for your future and your peace of mind. I wouldn’t just take what he said as the entire truth, as he has now shown himself to be untrustworthy. Investigate. That’s a sad thing to have to do toward someone you are about to marry.
CaliBabe Posted August 6, 2018 Posted August 6, 2018 Lets be realistic, we are adults. Do you REALLY think it was just kissing? In the heat of the moment they made out... You don't think in the heat of the moment they had sex? 1
Recommended Posts