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Breakup letter, is this good to send or read to a guy from work I was dating?

melodicintention

By melodicintention
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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I just wanted some validation that the following breakup letter would be good to either send or read off to this guy I've been seeing. Just to preface this a little bit I was dumb enough to let my guard down and date a guy from work who's a manager in a different department. It's been pretty hot and heavy but he recently both showed me and told me that he's not prepared to make me a priority. Rather than get all angry about it I've decided just to accept the fact that I made a mistake and that at least he was honest with me and that is what it is and just move forward into finding somebody who can make me a priority.

 

One of the things that makes me crazy about him is that he refuses to call me to make or cancel dates or to talk about feelings. I'm learning that rather than to try to train men to be the way I want them that it's better just to cut my losses and say this is how they are I accept it I'm going to move on and find a guy who can pick up the phone.

 

I'm not the type to send text messages or emails with feelings in them I prefer to talk on the phone or being person. However this guy I'm thinking I should just respond to him the way he prefers which is to use text and email to communicate feelings. Personally though I prefer to communicate this to him face-to-face. Either way I'm just hoping somebody can give me some validation that the following is a decent break up letter that's going to make it easy to be at work together. Let me know what you think please, I appreciate your support

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"We are playing with fire. I'm afraid this won't end well. You've expressed fears that this may not end well. I think that we'd be better to go back to the way things were before we hooked up. I would like to keep things amicable and unstressed at work just as much as you do. I think it's best that we don't **** where we eat considering that we cannot make each other a priority, as throughout this process I have discovered that I am in a place where I am looking for someone who can make me a priority so I can reciprocate. I deserve that much.

 

I have a immensely enjoyed my time with you and would like to end this on a good note with good memories in the majority. I thank you for everything that you provided for me both materially and emotionally, and think that when you find the woman that you can prioritize, you're going to make an excellent boyfriend for her because you are very much a gentleman."

ThreeRainbows Established Member

ThreeRainbows

Posted
Posted (edited)

I wouldn't send this one. I get some anger vibes in it, whether you intended that or not. It will cause him to lose more respect for you (I mean, since you are breaking up, that doesn't matter as much, but if you wanted him to do an about-face, this would not be the letter).

 

 

Be a lady. Don't use phrases with profanity. Be almost professional about it. Make it very short and to the point. Something like this:

 

 

"Dear ____,

 

 

I wanted to let you know that I am going to be moving on from our time together. We've had some great moments, but I am looking for someone who can prioritize me. It's also somewhat risky to date someone from work. I hope you understand.

 

 

Best wishes."

Edited by ThreeRainbows
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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Thank you, I do like what you wrote quite a bit. I do tend to take things over the top and that's exactly why I got on here to get some validation.

 

Do you think considering that he prefers to do everything through text that I should just text him this? Considering that I just prefer to talk in person but it seems to not be his style and I would just like to cut and run and just get this over with. I'm torn because I want to treat him with the same respect I want, but at the same time I'm tired of dealing with this and just want to move forward.

ThreeRainbows Established Member

ThreeRainbows

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Thank you, I do like what you wrote quite a bit. I do tend to take things over the top and that's exactly why I got on here to get some validation.

 

Do you think considering that he prefers to do everything through text that I should just text him this? Considering that I just prefer to talk in person but it seems to not be his style and I would just like to cut and run and just get this over with. I'm torn because I want to treat him with the same respect I want, but at the same time I'm tired of dealing with this and just want to move forward.

 

 

Sure. Much better idea than doing it in person, where he might feel anger or embarrassment. This gives him a save face. Plus, it also saves you from the chance of getting emotional.

 

 

You could also do email if you prefer something less informal.

 

 

Since you guys weren't very serious (from the sound of it), I don't think text or email is disrespectful.

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Right on. Your advice is spot-on. Thank you very much. If it weren't for the help of strangers I don't know what I do. I got to use this forum more often.

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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He’s ended with you. Show some self respect and don’t give him this drivel.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Has he actually broken up with you?

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guest569 Established Member

guest569

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Yeah it sounds as though he has already ended it. In which case I would just say nothing, and move on with my actions.

 

??

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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Posted (edited)

"I have a immensely enjoyed my time with you and would like to end this on a good note with good memories in the majority. I thank you for everything that you provided for me both materially and emotionally, and think that when you find the woman that you can prioritize, you're going to make an excellent boyfriend for her because you are very much a gentleman."

 

 

too flattering, too much like a hint that you still want him, and that you are the loser writ large in black and white, for saying he did not prioritise you

 

 

why are you writing to him at all? he knows it is over

Edited by darkmoon
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Lessonsinlove Member

Lessonsinlove

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My friend received a letter once from an ex and never opened it.

 

Don't give them the satisfaction.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I don't see the point of the missive in any form. Just behave cordially & professionally at work. Let your actions speak for themselves.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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My friend received a letter once from an ex and never opened it.

 

Don't give them the satisfaction.

 

I've done this too. I just can't read that stuff.

Edited by stillafool
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Whodatdog Established Member

Whodatdog

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You arent sending this for him, you are doing it for you. I wouldnt do it.

 

Actions speak louder than words. Always.

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ThreeRainbows Established Member

ThreeRainbows

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You arent sending this for him, you are doing it for you. I wouldnt do it.

 

Actions speak louder than words. Always.

 

 

Agree with this. Better advice than sending the letter.

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Posted (edited)

Ok so I decided NOT to send the message.

 

Now he's chasing me on IM and text but he's all trying to woo me to dinner (told him no after ignoring one IM and 2 texts for hours), then he asked me "are you mad" which seemed so sophomoric for him to text me. And this morning (Monday) he IMed me "hello" on our work network (stupid cuz they monitor it), but I ignored it, as I had told him last week he lost his privileges of texting for dates and intimate discussions with me after his 2nd date cancellation over text when the plans were made in person.

 

He had expressed to me last week that he is fearful of losing his job over this, which was odd cuz we have only dated 2 months, we hardly see each other at work, and so far every interaction has been fine. He chased me so it's odd he's all of a sudden worried, which leads me to believe he's got even more games going on or maybe he's messed up before with a woman (he's been there 20 years so far and everyone said he's a great guy who keeps to himself, but you never know).

 

Oh well, I'm going to keep ignoring him and if he wants closure, he can come request it of me but we'll see if I put my priorities aside for him (not). All of you are correct, he's invested nothing in it so why should I. He's been disrespectful by cancelling on me in text, so **** him I owe him nothing at this point.

 

He's the one who has the fear to feel since he is a manager messing with an employee. I think he is awakening to the fact that he put himself in a bad place, and you know what, I'm going to let him stew in his own juices that he created by not being forthcoming until I caught on.

 

I have a problem treating men I date as I would like them to treat me, but I'm going to get over it.

Edited by melodicintention
ThreeRainbows Established Member

ThreeRainbows

Posted
Posted
Ok so I decided NOT to send the message.

 

Now he's chasing me on IM and text but he's all trying to woo me to dinner (told him no after ignoring one IM and 2 texts for hours), then he asked me "are you mad" which seemed so sophomoric for him to text me. And this morning (Monday) he IMed me "hello" on our work network (stupid cuz they monitor it), but I ignored it, as I had told him last week he lost his privileges of texting for dates and intimate discussions with me after his 2nd date cancellation over text when the plans were made in person.

 

He had expressed to me last week that he is fearful of losing his job over this, which was odd cuz we have only dated 2 months, we hardly see each other at work, and so far every interaction has been fine. He chased me so it's odd he's all of a sudden worried, which leads me to believe he's got even more games going on or maybe he's messed up before with a woman (he's been there 20 years so far and everyone said he's a great guy who keeps to himself, but you never know).

 

Oh well, I'm going to keep ignoring him and if he wants closure, he can come request it of me but we'll see if I put my priorities aside for him (not). All of you are correct, he's invested nothing in it so why should I. He's been disrespectful by cancelling on me in text, so **** him I owe him nothing at this point.

 

He's the one who has the fear to feel since he is a manager messing with an employee. I think he is awakening to the fact that he put himself in a bad place, and you know what, I'm going to let him stew in his own juices that he created by not being forthcoming until I caught on.

 

I have a problem treating men I date as I would like them to treat me, but I'm going to get over it.

 

 

You are so awesome. :cool:

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Whodatdog Established Member

Whodatdog

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By not sending the message, and by ignoring him, you have now shifted the balance of power to you. Well done.

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Thanks, and it was what I needed, to be back in power. Should haven never gave it away. I chock it up to a momentary lapse of reason (I know better than to date coworkers, the derp is on me for that), and a reflection that I have more work to do before I'm ready to get involved with dudes.

 

I did some introspection, I think I wrote the original cuz I"ve had some evil boyfriends in the past and maybe i was trying to play up to his ego so he wouldn't stalk me or act out and make my job hard somehow. A little play on a Motley Crue lyric comes to mind..."boy don't go away mad, boy, just go away"

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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By not sending the message, and by ignoring him, you have now shifted the balance of power to you. Well done.

 

Sorry i'm not good at this forum stuff, please see my reply above :)

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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. Rather than get all angry about it I've decided just to accept the fact that I made a mistake and that at least he was honest with me and that is what it is and just move forward into finding somebody who can make me a priority.

 

Yeah, at least you didn't get angry about it! Come on, his biggest crime was that he scheduled dates via text, cancelled on you, and didn't talk about feelings (you dated for 2 months. What feelings?) it's fine if he wasn't for you, wasn't giving you enough, walk away. But I think you're overreacting a little. If he keeps pressing just say "sorry, I'm looking for something more serious and think we should restrict our contact to work related matters" none of this emotion filled "we're playing with fire and I totally wish you the best in a passive aggressive way". It's not worth it.

bene Established Member

bene

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Good for you that you didn’t send the message.

 

Call me paranoid but as this is all happening in a work environment I would not leave any written trace at all. You never know who else could read it or where it could bite you. If you need to write him anything at all I’d stick to something neutral like “I prefer to keep the contact on a professional level”. This will save you any potential embarrassment or even risk of losing the job (depending on your company policy).

 

Passive aggressive messages wishing someone a nice life or worse, luck with a new girlfriend don’t really come across neutral and well wishing. There is no need for you to think of his potential future girlfriend’s happiness. If you look back on this after some months or years you’ll be proud that you didn’t send the message.

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Yeah, at least you didn't get angry about it! Come on, his biggest crime was that he scheduled dates via text, cancelled on you, and didn't talk about feelings (you dated for 2 months. What feelings?) it's fine if he wasn't for you, wasn't giving you enough, walk away. But I think you're overreacting a little. If he keeps pressing just say "sorry, I'm looking for something more serious and think we should restrict our contact to work related matters" none of this emotion filled "we're playing with fire and I totally wish you the best in a passive aggressive way". It's not worth it.

 

Well there is actually more to the story, texts weren't his biggest crimes, but I didn't get into all of that for brevity.

 

I didn't overreact, I posted on here before I took any action.

 

As I said, I've had abusive boyfriends in the past who stalked me and I think I was trying to keep him from acting out.

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melodicintention Established Member

melodicintention

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Good for you that you didn’t send the message.

 

Call me paranoid but as this is all happening in a work environment I would not leave any written trace at all. You never know who else could read it or where it could bite you. If you need to write him anything at all I’d stick to something neutral like “I prefer to keep the contact on a professional level”. This will save you any potential embarrassment or even risk of losing the job (depending on your company policy).

 

Passive aggressive messages wishing someone a nice life or worse, luck with a new girlfriend don’t really come across neutral and well wishing. There is no need for you to think of his potential future girlfriend’s happiness. If you look back on this after some months or years you’ll be proud that you didn’t send the message.

 

I never had intentions of sending that message on our network, much lees text, I'd preferred to use it to help me come up with a speech for in person discussions. While he is a texter, he has initiated in-person conversation and asked me to come to him in person if I am upset (but you can see, he does blow hot and cold).

 

No way I'd but that on our network. What's funny is, he's in accounting, Im in IT. I KNOW they record the conversations on IM, cuz they told me they do. I work with the engineers! And this guy has sent me very flirty IMs, like saying he wants to bite me and stuff (which I shyly responded to but not in an incriminating manner). I never told him that he's being recorded as I wasn't' thinking about it till recently, then when he pulled this **** I decided I wouldn't tell him at all

 

He's the one at risk not me.

 

I mostly wanted to send it to end it now, so he knows to leave me alone and not look at me or talk to me at work. But I guess if I'm bitchy enough he'll get that too, I just don't want people at work to clue into it because i'm very bubbly and outgoing to everyone, and they will know something is up. I'm actually embarrassed I dated this guy at this point and would prefer the office does not know.

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