stillafool Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 I would have offered to get take out and stay home with his dog and watch a movie. Poor puppy. OP, this would have been your chance to see if the pup was really sick or if this was just another lie. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 update: He did respond. He told me he had to take his dog to the vet at 2am last night and got into a lot of detail. He also admitted to uploading a new pic and said he is only exclusive with me and not to worry. As there seemed to be a lot going on with his texts, I decided to call (rather than text) to talk to him. I first expressed concern about the dog and then brought up the dating app. He told me he just "did it" no real thought behind it and he didn't want to be on the app because it's so time consuming and assured me he is only exclusive with me. I asked him if he felt comfortable if we both deleted the app, but I also told him I didn't want to tell him what to do. He jumped on that and said yes definitely, that's a good idea lets both delete! He then brought up he still wants to get together today and will still pick me up, but has to keep a close eye on the dog/not leave her home along for too long. I agreed to this plan. Still seems a little sketch, so I will procede with caution. However this is his first "blunder" and all of his words and actions in person are fine.. it's just the complications of technology and apps. Bolded ^^^^ I would not like that response at all. You want him to pick you because he's inspired and into you....not because dating is hard and "time consuming". That sounds like settling and actions look like still looking. Proceed with caution. good luck 1
Dodgersfan11 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I would proceed with caution with this guy, I mean, if you hadn't of look at dating profile and seen that he's uploaded a brand new photo/called him out on it, he probably would have never deleted it and would still be fishing around. Its a dating app, not some friendship forum or linkedin account, once people become exclusive, deletion of their profile makes sense.
Phase_shift22 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I gotta say that, while OLD and apps do allow you to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time, some of them, seem to encourage you to become a serial dater. For example, I met someone online then deactivated my account; I would get emails from that site stating "if you're not satisfied with your current squeeze, come back!" From their perspective, I suppose I can understand, since they are in a business of trafficking eyeballs to their sites. I guess what I'm getting at is, whatever threshold you would use to judge if someone is into you/committed should be raised a bit for someone you initially meet online before you completely open up.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 He could delete this app but still be active on other dating sites and apps. I just don't see how a man that is excited about a new, exclusive gf goes on the app and uploads fresh pics. Proceed with caution. How I feel as well. That is just strange.
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 So ThisIsIt606 How was the date? How is the dog? 1
salparadise Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 There's a reason why he doesn't want to have sex yet....and it has nothing to being more committed. Wow I have never in my life have heard a guy say that to me. I thought that was odd too. They did have sex sometime after that... but he said he wanted to wait initially. I'm not sure why or what it means exactly. The thing that strikes me is how all the women assume the worst (pic upload) and say dump him immediately. I agree completely that the pic upload was a boneheaded thing to do... but he knew she was still on the site and that she'd see it, and the other factor is that SHE was still on the site! I just see it as a confusing and uncertain situation, sort of like when you meet someone on the sidewalk or a hallway and both move in the same direction, then both switch directions at the same time... it's awkward, but not an egregious faux pas. I mean seriously, there are some hard assed women in this place. Zero tolerance... if you suspect anything, dump. I wonder how it would be if the genders were reversed? Would women expect a guy to give the woman the benefit of the doubt? I'm anxious to hear how the date went as well. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Posted July 29, 2018 So ThisIsIt606 How was the date? How is the dog? The date went well overall. There was some tension at the beginning because I was still confused by the picture chance and I knew I had to bring up physically deleting the app together which made me a bit anxious. He talked a lot about his rough night with the pup, taking her to the animal hospital. Turns out she has a problem that's breed specific (back issues) which may need surgery. We could only do our first activity and he had to cut the date short as he was going to drive the pup to his parents' so they could provide 24/7 care while he's at work/take her for all sorts of med exams. Regarding the app, I asked to delete it together and he said he already did on the way over (showed me his phone and there was no app). I told him the physical profile needs to be deleted or else it still looks like he is available so he re-downloaded the app and deleted the profile in front of me (I then did the same). He asked if I felt better and I said I guess, but still skeptical.... We then went about the date as normal, walking around holding hands, arm around each other etc. After we finished activity #1 he apologized for cutting it short and asked if I was free later in the week. We decided on two days, one of which happens to be tonight, a double date with this brother and the brother's wife. He texted after the date that he was sorry again for cutting it short, thanked me for going out with him (we went to a specific event he's been wanting to do) and said he's glad to see me tomorrow. He also later texted me a pic of the pup at his parent's place later that night and gave me a brief update about her. So, everything seems to be OK 1) pup story checks out as I know some people were skeptical 2) he deleted his profile no problem 3) asked me out again/double date with his fam. I'll still keep an eye out of course for suspicious behavior but I think all things considered, things are in a good place right now. 2
JuneL Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 So he actually initially thought deleting the app on his phone without actually deleting his profile would do? 5
Author ThisisIt606 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Posted July 29, 2018 So he actually initially thought deleting the app on his phone without actually deleting his profile would do? yes. I used to think that too until I heard of all these "dating horror stories" from friends. For example a couple A and B could be in LTR and the guy (b) deletes the app (but doesn't go into settings to delete the profile because he thinks removing the app is enough). This created drama for them because another female friend found the boyfriend (B) in her list of matches. The girlfriend confronted her bf and he said he deleted the app and had no idea he was still "active" on the site. But anyways, this didn't happen to me because he deleted the profile/no other apps on his phone. I'm not delving into this little incident any further, it's in the past and dealt with. Only thing now is to move forward and keep my eyes open.
Miss Spider Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 This guy is really sketch... He’s so full of it. Why you’d even wanna date him anymore is beyond me. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 He's a liar. This won't be the last time he lies to you. No way in hell I could stay with a liar. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 This guy is really sketch... He’s so full of it. Why you’d even wanna date him anymore is beyond me. I have to agree. I would not have a good feeling about this guy at all. Be cautious OP; he's a sneaky one. 2
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 No, things are not in a good place. You are letting him get away with lying to you, and trying to cheat, because you don't want to give up the love. Your boundaries are weak. If you don't get some self-respect fast, he will leave you heartbroken. GL. 1
Purrrfect Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I do agree it’s odd he asked you to be exclusive yet updates his dating profile app. Doesn’t make a lot of sense. I agree with the other reply, proceed with caution. Honestly he knows you caught him and he should delete the app. I would wait and see what he does. You have only been dating a month 1
Gaeta Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 yes. I used to think that too until I heard of all these "dating horror stories" from friends. For example a couple A and B could be in LTR and the guy (b) deletes the app (but doesn't go into settings to delete the profile because he thinks removing the app is enough). This created drama for them because another female friend found the boyfriend (B) in her list of matches. The girlfriend confronted her bf and he said he deleted the app and had no idea he was still "active" on the site. But anyways, this didn't happen to me because he deleted the profile/no other apps on his phone. I'm not delving into this little incident any further, it's in the past and dealt with. Only thing now is to move forward and keep my eyes open. You are being EXTREMELY naive here! That is why you often have stories of men taking advantage of you. EVERYONE knows you have to delete a profile first before deleting an app. That lie is as big as his nose in the middle of his face, He'd have to be a complete internet illeterate to not know that! I'd expect that from a 65 year old man but certainly not from a man of your generation. I am ready to bet this boyfriend of yours is on another dating site. In a matter of 48 hours he lied to you twice. 1. About why he uploaded new pictures and 2. Thinking deleting the app was enough to delete him from the dating app. . 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 From my extensive dating experience, I have never had this type of thing end well. I used to forgive a lie or omission, it all seemed resolved and in the past. I would be happy and relieved. Only for the issue and lies to resurface again in another form. Usually it got to the point that it couldn't be ignored any longer, even with the most positive spin on the situation. Nowdays, I just don't waste time. 4
Highndry Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 From my extensive dating experience, I have never had this type of thing end well. I used to forgive a lie or omission, it all seemed resolved and in the past. I would be happy and relieved. Only for the issue and lies to resurface again in another form. Usually it got to the point that it couldn't be ignored any longer, even with the most positive spin on the situation. Nowdays, I just don't waste time. Exactly, because it's a character thing. By deleting the profile he didn't just miraculously change his character. That's the problem here. This guy is shady, and he wasn't magically cured. He asked her to be exclusive, then willfully and knowingly updated his profile. That's a huge transgression. Exclusive does not mean continuing to sample the menu.
hippychick3 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 OP, now is the time to cut ties and walk away. You're only going to become more attached over time, and I don't see this ending well. Nothing he said explains or excuses the fact that he PUT UP NEW PHOTOS of himself on the dating site. This was very intentional. He wanted to put feelers out there for other women AFTER he told you (lied to you) that he wanted exclusivity. These are not the actions of an honest and loyal guy. And, deleting his profile/app after you caught him does NOT change the fact that he did what he did. 1
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 OP, now is the time to cut ties and walk away. You're only going to become more attached over time, and I don't see this ending well. Nothing he said explains or excuses the fact that he PUT UP NEW PHOTOS of himself on the dating site. This was very intentional. He wanted to put feelers out there for other women AFTER he told you (lied to you) that he wanted exclusivity. These are not the actions of an honest and loyal guy. And, deleting his profile/app after you caught him does NOT change the fact that he did what he did. So spot on. But we can't convince you if you won't listen to us. Your last post made it seem like you had decided to just look the other way. He didn't even give you a real excuse. You don't want to lose this new relationship so badly, you're willing to ignore something huge. That is major insecurity. Did you know having strong boundaries is what makes men fall in love with us? Where are yours? I'm afraid I will be seeing you over at the Breaking Up forum in the next few weeks. So sad, because a man is never worth your self-respect. 1
coolheadal Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Using the dog now to cover up his tracks. Delete the app doesn't mean he can still go to his computer and access the account of use a different device such as a tablet. He needs to delete everything and cancel too the app account.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Granted I have never had a dating app but until I read this thread, I would have thought deleting the app was enough. So I'm not going to say that he's definitely lying. I think that he deleted the profile with you is some transparency. I stand by my initial response that continuing to dating him with a healthy level of skepticism is OK.
Arieswoman Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 OP, I first expressed concern about the dog and then brought up the dating app. He told me he just "did it" no real thought behind it Whaaaat? He just "did it without any thought behind it"?? So does he also sleep with other women with no thought behind it?? I wonder how many other things he does "with no thought behind it". Do you still believe in Santa Calus and the Tooth Fairy ? This guy is playing you for a fool - please get out now. I'm sorry. x 1
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Granted I have never had a dating app but until I read this thread, I would have thought deleting the app was enough. So I'm not going to say that he's definitely lying. I think that he deleted the profile with you is some transparency. I stand by my initial response that continuing to dating him with a healthy level of skepticism is OK. A dating app is just an app allowing you to access your dating site on your phone. OKcupid has an app, POF has an app and all the other dating sites have an app so you can log on from phone. Deleting your POF app on your phone doesn't delete your POF profile, you can still access it through your pc or ipad or you can simply re-install your app on your phone the minute your bf/gf turn their back. Example: if you delete your bank app on your phone it won't delete your bank account. Same thing.
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Thank you for the explanation Gaeta but I really never thought about it so while there are some very suspicious things in here . . . nobody "accidently" changes the picture on the profile . . .since the guy has now deleted everything, maybe just maybe he's on the up & up. Only time will tell which is why ThisisIt606 has to stay vigilant & if she sees anything else fishy she needs to take that as the guy blowing the 2nd chance she is giving him. I realize most of you say don't even bother with the 2nd chance but sometimes that is tough. If he goofs again & she sticks around, as the saying goes at that point she would not longer be a victim but a volunteer.
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