lunarboy92 Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 It feels good to be able to write this as I truly feel isolated and alone. I fell in love with a bi guy I met back in May. I was just getting over my abusive ex bf (he was a top, we were both tops - barely hooked up) , and I was really excited about this guy - we went on a date, made-out, cuddled, it seemed like total MDMA - then after we started hanging out, all the non-verbal cues were that he liked me - he kissed me, cuddled me, was intense and showed a lot of affection and it felt right and natural. One night, eventually we went back to his place and he sckd me off, and asked for me to fck him and I at the time had no experience cause no one has ever given me proper gay sex education, so I was nervous. After that I told him, I liked him - he said that he can't be romantically involved with anyone cause he still doesn't see anyone to be as perfect as his ex gf. After this, I kept hanging out with him to harness the spiritual bond and connection - all because of the possibility that I would be able to express myself sexually towards him and he kept becoming more and more distance/emotionally unavailable which just pushed me harder. Looking back now, I realize that I have to take accountability for putting myself in a situation that would keep on hurting me. My friends hate him and think he's mean and emotionally manipulative, and that most people know how vulnerable and weak I become when I'm in love, and he should have put a stop to it before I had too. Anyways last night, I told him how much I love him and he always tells me he loves me but I explained that it's very frustrating for me to feel all these feelings and not be able to materialize them through sex, and he said to me that his "number one fear is to have re-occuring intimacy with a guy, and the only way he can have gay sex is from being wasted/drunk and on grindr, and it has to be a stranger" and then I said "Well I can't be friends with you, this is too hard for me" and he said that I was messed up/troubled and flipped it on me. A lot of people think he is gay, he's openly talked about the struggles of having romantic feelings for his straight best friends, and he says "The reason I have sex with girls is because it's easier, and I associate no pain with it"... Don't know what this means. Anyways -- I spoke to his ex GF and the girls he kept comparing me too, and they all said he's done this to a lot of people - and is a kind of push/pull technician and has a reputation for being toxic and emotionally manipulative, and using people to boost his own ego. I walked away last night and ended it... I'm heartbroken and I don't want to give in. I need to stop with all this unrequited love bull****! The thing is I am also queer and have had amazing sexual experiences with women, and romantic ones but I'm just not a pussy about guys and when I fall in love with a person - I HAVE No fear.
preraph Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 I'm sorry this is so painful for you. Let's strip away all the gender issues and being bi or not and just get down to basics because it doesn't matter. First of all, when a man tells you it's not going to work out or they can't commit or they're no good for you or you deserve better, believe them. This man has said he's still hung up on his ex. So all he's doing is having recreational sex. He has no capacity for anything else now. And it doesn't sound like he wants to choose this lifestyle either. Really, your letter isn't all that different from all the women on here who have written about guys who refuse to commit or get serious or have any obligation towards them. He's hung up on his ex. He's unavailable. Don't waste a lot of time on him. You'll only regret it. It will only drag out the pain. You can't make someone fall in love with you. You can't change him. Love can't change him. You just need to find someone who wants what you want and get to know them and see if they're the right person. Good luck, and don't let him ruin this year for you. Time is too precious.
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