coolheadal Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 You did the right thing by throwing this one back, she's a gold digger. If I agree to meet up with a man, I let him choose what he wants to do (drinks, coffee, dinner). What we end up eating (if anything), that's his decision. I don't push because I just don't. Correct! I agree with you there. Let the man decide and the woman shouldn't push the man into something else he doesn't want to do.. Good one!
preraph Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 Oh, I'd blow someone off for that. She sounds like she's selling herself to the highest bidder. You know, there is such a thing as meal prostitutes. Good riddance!
Penguin_hugs Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 I think short coffee dates are fine for first dates. Particularly if you don't know the person before. As stated- you can tell if you like someone fairly quickly. If it was a first date with someone you had known a while then I'd say you could do more things like outings suggested by other posters or dinner. I met my BF at a speed dating event . We were actually chatting for 20 mins before the event started and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed chatting to him. Our first real date after that was coffee on the Sunday afternoon that week- but I think that was the perfect scenario as we just wanted somewhere to keep chatting to see if there was even more of a connection. In fairness we could have been anywhere chatting- I think the coffee went cold it didn't really matter what the activity was- but it was December and cold- so coffee is logical. A fancy dinner date was saved for date 2!
maldoror Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 i refuse to ask a girly to drink coffee it would just be too predictable 1
brigit87 Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 Well when I was dating that's what I had encountered. I had ask her could I come up or wouldn't it be nice if I cooked dinner. She said no she wanted to dine out always. That was costing me a lot of $$$. In the end I drop her because I didn't see anything coming out of this just cost and nothing else. High price woman for lost end results. Odd woman also but that was a lesson learn. Dating sucks. Just like you encountered women who wanted to use you for money I encountered men who wanted to use me for sex. It's a scary process and everyone is guarded.
Versacehottie Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I don't think she wants to use him for money or a free meal. I think it's as she said, 'she wants to see who is serious about her' and is using that as the test. That's where she goes wrong. For some guys it's unaffordable or really not their style and it's too limiting and demanding, especially when she is not budging an inch about her phone number. Just foreshadowed more demanding stuff from her in the future and that she abides by a lot of "rules" and expectations in her head about dating that are only in HER head and not productive. In addition, don't think this will actually get her to find out if a guy is serious or not. A guy friend of mine takes girls to $200 dinners all the time. He is serious about almost none of them. Cannot imagine he would go on a coffee date at all--too predictable and not something he would do. So to limit stuff like this is not really reflective of what she wants it to be reflective of. maybe broader strokes like low-key but engaging date (which yes for some people I get would be coffee) vs high investment (time, money or whatever) date would be better. I still think she would "fail" by insisting on a high investment date, which is stupid for so many reasons. Including that some guys don't "feel" high investment until after they've met a girl or after they've been hooked in a bit. She is telling OP a lot about herself in this demand: that she is rigid, short-sighted, stubborn, simple-minded, fails to see others perspective and wants intensity even if it's faked. I wouldn't want a guy to fake over the top me if it's not who he is. Some guys like to start more low-key but they are real about what they do if they stay in it. On a first date I wouldn't expect a guy to be "all in". Funny, i bet the girl who acts low key and flexible gets a lot more of the type of high investment/creative dates than the one, like her, who acts uppity. It's all about being meaningful--which includes how both go about planning the first date.
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 As for facetime- how does that work for first impressions? I feel as though video chat is like another form of texting where certian things can get lost in translation, only in this case, you aren't able to have any anticipation or "mystery" in the first date. The idea of facetime giving you some anxiety? Like it might spoil your chances? Facetime isn't anywhere near like texting, it's like as if you just ran into them in person. You see what they look like, hear the tone of their voice and how they interact with you. I don't get how anything would get lost translation or destroy any mystery. In the old days you didn't text, you saw them, talk to them and asked them out...seriously it's really not that much different. Way easier than going by a damn profile picture and a few text messages. I think it's a way to spark more interest, and it can also flush out the ones that doctor or use old photos that lead you on. My friend got duped when all the guy's photos didn't show him smiling...he ended up have very few teeth...she was pissed.
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