Female-Female: If she starts to be less available

[AlphaState]

If she starts to be less available, and schedule our meeting 3-4 weeks later, what does it mean?

 

 

So I am 30, she is 38, we are both women. I am the more feminine one if this helps

 

Current Problem:

She starts to go from 10 to 1, hot to cold. Dont initiate texts and calls anymore. No more "good morning" and "good night", no more telling me where she is, what she does etc. (she used to do these automatically) Still replies to me, but takes hours to reply another.

 

Some Background:

We know each other through a dating app, for about 3 months now (means in these months we talk on dating app, then moved to Whatsapp, phone calls). We text everyday until 19 July.

 

Went out 6 times. She initiated everyone of them, and always tried to extend the meet up by going elsewhere until we were both tired till like 12am? 1am? She always takes me home first before she goes back to hers. Anyway I dont know whats considered a "date" so I said "meet ups", but nvm about that.

 

In one of those 6 meet ups, we did grocery shopping together. She invited me to her place and she cooked dinner for us. I slept on her bed on the same day because I was tired before dinner and she told me to sleep on her bed. When i woke up she was already cooking. We took a nap and nothing happened. Other times we went for movies twice and had dinner. All 6 times, she didnt touch me at all. We also talked on phone occasionally in the first month, we can talk until 3am even though we have work in the morning.

 

Herself:

She finds me very interesting and creative. and funny. And said she likes me annoying her. She has depression however, and told me shes not ready for a relationship or commitment until she gets better. I didnt rush her into one. .

 

Myself:

I am in touch with my ex gf A and she knows. We have a mutual breakup so we are still good friends. I was away for 1 week in June to celebrate A's bday overseas. She isnt too pleased. Once she asked me what im up to, I jokingly said I went dating, then she texted me and expressed that she's not pleased with me hangin out with my ex. She thought I had chosen my ex gf and patched back. I quickly called and said i was going to the gym, and expressed my interest that I like her, and explained im not getting back with ex. When I asked if she likes me, she said we just know each other. She said she thinks this ex issue seems complicated and doesnt want to get involved. I also learnt that she told her student about me (a student thats close to her, she's a lecturer), that im still in touch with my ex. I told her my ex knows about her existence so nth to hide.

 

Last Meet Up:

Last meet up was 13 July. I was with my ex to attend a seminar. She knew (and was not pleased days before). On the same day, she texted me to ask to meet as shes in the area. I said no im at the seminar and it will end rather late. She kept asking and said she can wait so eventually I agreed to meet. We had dinner and then a movie. That was the last time I saw her.

[AlphaState]

kinda lengthy but I dont know how to summarize it

 

From July 15 onwards that is when I think I screwed up, especially 15 to 18

 

15: I started to ask her why isn't she affectionate with me when we went out. She said with gf yes.

 

16: I also started to mention casually about the sexual bets we made during World Cup. She said she will take me to a romantic dinner if she lose. She lost. so she was like ok, and asked me what flowers I like again (she asked me once before a week before).

 

17-18: I started to flirt with her more and ask her sexual questions, she answered all. Like where she likes to be touched, etc. but nth too much I think. I was trying to be playful and cheeky. She brought up being no strings attached again and said she doesnt want to commit. (but i know she’s not the type to have sex unless it is with a gf)

 

19: She texted good morning and I responded. Nothing from her until 1230am and she said sorry shes busy. I took a day to respond to her and said no problem go get busy. Then we dont text for 2 days. I am trying to give her space.

 

23: I suspect maybe it is her depression, I sent her a text in the evening, told her I realized she hasnt been talking the past days and im not sure whats gg on. Told her I want her to know that shes not alone (about her depression). Whatever happened and if she needs me to listen I will be here. She responded at 1230am and said sorry and told me dont worry about it, shes been busy with work.

 

25: I replied tryin to sound cool and casual and said lets hang out to do some sports when shes less busy. She suggested some sports and i was like cool lets do it at my gym. She asked when? I said on a Sat or Sun.

 

26: She then started to sound like it is a doctor’s appointment by telling me:

 

"Next available Sat is 18 August, if not 25 August after 2.30pm"

 

like thats 3-4 weeks later! she never schedule things like this, usually it is like hours to days. I must admit i agree quickly and try to find time to meet.

 

I haven't replied her because im still thinking what to reply. I dont wanna sound needy, clingy, desperate. Yet I want to let her know i have other girls to go out with as well (which is true) and im not going to fit into her schedule all the time.

 

But what happened with the cold, silent, non-initiating treatment now? is it because she thinks im demanding about the dinner (I actually dont care about the dinner, but want to be more intimate), or im too available for her, or is it her depression? Lost interest?

Edited July 27, 2018 by AlphaState

[glows]

She said she's not wanting anything serious. You're hella serious with the diary there. I'd say cool it and spend your time with other people and stop giving her the time of day. I don't think you're really listening when she says she's not wanting to commit. You're in a world of your own there.

[act00]

The fact that you're not only still friends with your ex but you attend vacations, seminars, and overnights with her is not going to go over well for a lot of people. If this relationship is important enough to you that you can't put some distance, it's going to take longer to find someone. She said she didn't want serious, but you seem to. You haven't been physical after 6 dates? Now she's blowing you off. Take a hint and move on. Don't mention to her you have other women you can date. That won't accomplish anything. Just date and move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

She’s not interested, OP.

 

Also, you are going to need to put some space between you and your ex if you are serious about dating others. Not too many people are going to be comfortable with that cozy friendship you have with her. Just the way it works.