Want ex girlfriend back

[Naterich15]

I don’t know how to write this without sounding pathetic and hopeless. Started dating the most amazing woman back in September 2017. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one. I have never had that feeling before. What I didn’t know is all the stuff that was about to hit me head on. 2 months into the relationship she told me that she was a recovering alcoholic.

 

It didn’t really bother me, what did though was the fact that she lied about where she was going every morning. Telling me that she had “work meetings” every morning. But it was AA meetings obviously that she was going to. I made the mistake of talking to my roommate about it and he basically told me everything I didn’t want to hear, which I believed him and let that influence a lot of things. We dated for 7 months and broke up 3 different times in that period.

 

I never wanted to do it in the first place, I loved this woman and would do anything to help her. I got to easily influenced by other people’s opinions and didn’t listen to my own. I love this woman and would do anything to be with her. After the last time we broke up she ended up meeting someone else and that just threw me overboard and really depressed. I cut off all contact with her for 2 months in hopes to reconnect and find a way to get back together.

 

Well that didn’t turn out the way I expected. I broke silence and called her the other night. It was like a phone call from hell. All she could talk about was how amazing and successful this new guy is. He’s a lawyer and I’m a bartender mind you. They just got back from an amazing vacation with his kids and her kids. She kept saying how their going to move in together soon with all the kids and be one big happy family. This what not the phone call I was hoping for. She let this guy know right off the bat about how she was an alcoholic and gave him a much better chance than me.

 

I don’t know where I went wrong but now I can’t even get out of bed. If I do it’s to go and drink! All I can think about is wishing that was me, I love this woman to death and it was a huge slap in face to hear all that and how quickly she could move and start a new life with someone else.

I have never felt this low in life and drinking is the only thing that helps numb the pain. Any help would be great.

Edited July 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to BBU

[Doost]

Date a woman with out kids who is hotter and younger. This will make you forget the single mother and her drama.

[Naterich15]

even after the last time we broke up she would still call me in the mornings and want to hangout, and for some idiotic reason i fell for it. She was already talking to this person but we would still hangout. When I talked to her the other night she said she did that to get back at me for breaking up with her. I did not think she would move on this quick and already wanting to move in with this guy. He has 3 kids of his own and she has 2. Her kids were amazing to be around and spend time with. I never wanted to breakup the first time, could see myself spending my life with her. Now I have to accept the fact she found someone way better off that can take care of her. The entire 3 hours I was on the phone she talked about all these amazing things with her new relationship. Going on big vacations, moving everyone in together, her telling me she’s been way more happy being with him and that everything is going in the right direction. Apart of me wants to think she’s doing this on purpose to get back at me. Or is trying to put all her problems on someone while she can.

[Highndry]

You didn't even date the woman 6 months, and I don't know why you would want any part of that train wreck. Put down the booze, man up, and find a woman more deserving who doesn't play games. Besides, why would you want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with you?

[Gretchen12]

You cut off all contact for 2 months. What did you expect? Actually by breaking up with her, you motivated her to more actively find a new relationship. And you left her alone for months to build that new relationship.

 

She learn from the mistake she made with you and she was honest with the new guy. You should also learn from your mistake. Next time don't cut off a woman for 2 months if you still want to be with her.

[Juha]

I am sorry you are hurting and missing your ex but to be honest you did the right thing for yourself.

 

Possibly you are just missing her because you have not found someone you like very much to date right now and think back to her. She does not sound like a good person as she sounds vindictive towards you and wants to pay you back for breaking up with her. I would move on and not look back at her as anything but a huge bullet that you dodged...

 

From what you have posted she really does not sound all that great to me.

Reason why she is "SO" happy with the new guy sounds like because he has money and spends it on her. Does not sound like she really likes him, just his money. From what you posted it sounds like she is a user and would look for the best deal for herself.

 

Guy with lots of money and is willing to spend it on her and her kids. Willing to take care of her and her kids. Of course she is going to tell you she "LIKES" him.

 

Get yourself together and go meet a nice woman to date, not a vindictive women who wants to use people because of their money...

 

I wish you luck

[d0nnivain]

Your relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She had to hide who she is from you. Plus an alcoholic shouldn't be dating a bartender. I'm sure her AA sponsor was quite concerned about your profession. The way your buddies were buzzing in your ear saying bad things about her, she had to be getting grief on her end.

 

Next, in the very short time you were together, you broke up 3 times! That is the sign of a bad dysfunctional relationship showing that you two are fundamentally incompatible. If your relationship was a customer you would have had to have cut them off as being obviously & visibly intoxicated. The signs were all there.

 

However, since you & she have only been apart a few months the fact that she's already taking her kids on a vacation with her new guy tells me she makes rash decisions, so maybe she's not all you think she is.

 

Finally learn the real function of NC. It's a tool designed to help you heal. If you want to fix a broken relationship you must talk, communicate & work together. Going off & giving somebody the silent treatment in the hopes they will miss you & come back is manipulative game playing.

 

You will live to love again. Put her behind you. Learn to be more independent & keep your own counsel. You recognize that the influence your friends exerted over you was not good for you. In time you will meet somebody else.

[Kelliousme]

You cut off all contact for 2 months. What did you expect? Actually by breaking up with her, you motivated her to more actively find a new relationship. And you left her alone for months to build that new relationship.

 

She learn from the mistake she made with you and she was honest with the new guy. You should also learn from your mistake. Next time don't cut off a woman for 2 months if you still want to be with her.

 

I agree. That's what I'd do if I was her too. I wouldn't stick around waiting for you to come back, I'd try my best to move on. If you loved her, you should've stayed with her instead of being influenced by your "friend's" opinions. I mean, she told you the truth... perhaps you should've tried to understand why she lied at first. But oh wells. Nothing you can do now but be happy for her and move on.

[smackie9]

Give it 6 months and by then you won't give a rat's butt about it anymore.

[coolheadal]

I don’t know how to write this without sounding pathetic and hopeless. Started dating the most amazing woman back in September 2017. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one. I have never had that feeling before. What I didn’t know is all the stuff that was about to hit me head on. 2 months into the relationship she told me that she was a recovering alcoholic. It didn’t really bother me, what did though was the fact that she lied about where she was going every morning. Telling me that she had “work meetings” every morning. But it was AA meetings obviously that she was going to. I made the mistake of talking to my roommate about it and he basically told me everything I didn’t want to hear, which I believed him and let that influence a lot of things. We dated for 7 months and broke up 3 different times in that period. I never wanted to do it in the first place, I loved this woman and would do anything to help her. I got to easily influenced by other people’s opinions and didn’t listen to my own. I love this woman and would do anything to be with her. After the last time we broke up she ended up meeting someone else and that just threw me overboard and really depressed. I cut off all contact with her for 2 months in hopes to reconnect and find a way to get back together. Well that didn’t turn out the way I expected. I broke silence and called her the other night. It was like a phone call from hell. All she could talk about was how amazing and successful this new guy is. He’s a lawyer and I’m a bartender mind you. They just got back from an amazing vacation with his kids and her kids. She kept saying how their going to move in together soon with all the kids and be one big happy family. This what not the phone call I was hoping for. She let this guy know right off the bat about how she was an alcoholic and gave him a much better chance than me. I don’t know where I went wrong but now I can’t even get out of bed. If I do it’s to go and drink! All I can think about is wishing that was me, I love this woman to death and it was a huge slap in face to hear all that and how quickly she could move and start a new life with someone else.

I have never felt this low in life and drinking is the only thing that helps numb the pain. Any help would be great.

 

Well sounds like she had kids and you didn't have them. So she met a guy who had money and kids and sky the limit. Don't think she'll be back to you anytime soon. You did what you did and now move on and forget her she's gone out of your life. So rub that into you mind. So act on it. Stop drinking your just damaging your body over a woman that won't be back in your life for what would you do that for? That's the biggest mistake ever. No one is worth that pain and sorrow. You move on to greater things and most of all your a bartender you'll meet so many types of people you can connect with or another way..

[ThreeRainbows]

I'm sorry your relationship ended up like this, but let me tell you - if you can get yourself over the heartbreak, you will meet someone else. I promise. She's not the only one.

 

But to get out of this mess, you need to stop numbing the pain with alcohol. The only way out is through it. Sit with your feelings, cry, get it all out. You'll feel much better afterwards.

 

 

Also - life is not all happy for her. Or, if it is, it's just temporary. That's just what she wants you to think - dirty trick, really.

Edited July 27, 2018 by ThreeRainbows

[Naterich15]

As nice as it is to here all of these comments from everyone, In my own screwed up head all I do is think about her and picture her with this new guy sheÂ’s going to move in with. The only thing that seems to help is too drink until I blackout and forget about everything. Myself finding out from her that she was an alcoholic doesnÂ’t bother me. I wish she would have just told me sooner. I had so many amazing time with her and her kids. In my head itÂ’s a minor detail but IÂ’m 24 and sheÂ’s 35, everyone might laugh at that but IÂ’ve always dated older women. When I met her I knew she was the one instantly. Things could have turned out differently if I wasnÂ’t listening to people around me and made my own decisions. She expressed all of what sheÂ’s been through in life and what led her to drink. ItÂ’s no excuse but I donÂ’t blame her, sheÂ’s been through a lot of messed up things. ThatÂ’s what I love about her the most is that she was able to get through all of that. When I spoke with her the other evening she told me she was 8 months sober. When we were dating she relapsed twice and I saw stuff no one should ever have to witness. It was a very scary time. I told myself it was my fault that I did this to her. Eventually I figured the easiest thing to do was to start drinking just like she did. I sit here tonight writing this hoping for a way to get back with her. The fact that she could move on after 2 weeks of us breaking up and approximately 4 months later when I called her she tells me she loves someone else and her loyalty is to him. She tells me heÂ’s a former alcoholic 12 years sober and thatÂ’s itÂ’s been easier to open up because apparently she said I wouldnÂ’t understand it all. I do understand coming from a line of alcoholics in my family. Her telling me that heÂ’s this big hot shot lawyer (IÂ’m just a bartender) taking her and her kids on vacations with him and his kids. Already planning on moving in together after 4-5 months of dating. To me it sounds like sheÂ’s just trying to use someone for her own good. Not sure how after 4 months you suddenly fall in love again and already want to move in together. Maybe the lawyer will come to his senses and realize sheÂ’s using him for her own personal gain........ side note the first 2 months we dated she kept telling me she had her own place but wouldnÂ’t let me come over, turns out she had to move back in with her mom and there is a very toxic relationship there. Currently her children still live there while she stays with her boyfriend most nights. But there all moving In together soon to become one big happy family after 4-5 months of dating. This triggered me to start drinking until I blackout and forget about it all. I wish I had the mind frame like everyone else to easily forget and move on. I still think about her 24/7 and it wonÂ’t escape hense the drinking. Sorry for the rant thanks everyone honestly!

[Soflovd]

Hey I hope things get better for you. I feel some of your pain. Its hard, her new guy may have the money. Money isn't everything, if its that easy for her to run off and wanna move in with this guy. Move on, I know its easy for everyone to say but you need to find it in you to forget. Be the better person, make her want you, that money the new boyfriend has won't make up for personality and quality of a relationship. Sure it can provide security and thats what she likes but you need to improve and show her you're the better person. use this as a lesson. Im on the same path right now and its hard but using these forums and reading others have the same hurt and feelings as me is pretty comforting for the nights when no ones here. When you can talk to family... friends... trust me this helps