Sweetas Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 (edited) Hey. Ok please remember in no way do I want to portray myself as gods gift to men, if we ever were as such “a gift to men” lol. I’m fiercely independent, private, not great at communicating the big things, not as affectionate as I could be, I’m on the move constantly, like my alone time and I can be a total pain in the ass but I’m also a giving, loving, loyal, passionate, good looking, smart, funny and honest 42 year old women. I love people and generally people love me. My last 3 relationships have been 12, 7 and current 2 years and I haven’t really been single for more than 2 months since I was 18. Men in general say I’m hot as, sexy, a milf (hate that terminology) and men constantly look at me when I’m out and often ask me out or compliment me. Now these men of course are going on my looks alone, they don’t put up with the real me every day lol. Every relationship I’ve had I have felt so desired and wanted sexually by my partner but the man I desire, want and love for the 2 years just doesn’t seem to make me feel this way and I’m god dam at a dead end. I am 42 he is 30, he’s me man and he’s in every way hot and so loved by me. He loves me and he shied that every day but he doesn’t desire me. He doesn’t look at me like like he’s just wants me, he doesn’t want to have sex very often and it’s almost as if he’s embarrassed of himself when we are in public. He is socially awkward which is do hard for him but I just want to catch him looking at me like he wants me, smack me in the bum cheekily, sexy me lol Omg this sounds like I think I think I’m hot as to all and I’m needy lol. I'm not at all a drama queen, needy, attention seeking person but what do I do!!! Don’t say dress up, foreplay as I’ve tried and tried and yes I backed off too but nothing is working?????? HEEEELP Edited July 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Romantic_Antics Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 I am 42 he is 30, heÂ’s me man and heÂ’s in every way hot and so loved by me. He loves me and he shied that every day but he doesnÂ’t desire me. He doesnÂ’t look at me like like heÂ’s just wants me, he doesnÂ’t want to have sex very often and itÂ’s almist as if heÂ’s embarrassed of himself when we are in public. Based on what you said in this quote, I got the impression that he may not be fully comfortable being in a relationship with someone who's 12 years older than he is. Not too long ago he was 28 when you were 40 and when you were turning 18 he was 6. I only say that to give you some perspective on the age gap and some insight into his possible mind set. Some people have a harder time immersing themselves in a relationship with someone who's more than a decade older than them, especially men. What did he have to say when you talked to him about his apparent lack of desire?
Author Sweetas Posted July 26, 2018 Author Posted July 26, 2018 (edited) Thankyou very much for your honest reply. I began to think that the age gap may of been a contributor to the desire or lack of, but the desire didn’t go away it has just never been evident to me from him. Before we started to date I was extremely critical on the age gap having my prior relationship to a younger man end one factor been that he initially thought that I was enough and that he wanted me weather I had his child or not. This changed and he deserved to have children but I did not want any more and I was honest about that from day one to day we split 7 years later. So age was a huge thing and we made sure that we had most things spot on before going in fully fledged if that makes sense. He has said the old “your way to good looking for me” and that people probably think “what’s she doing with him” but after 1 year of me telling him my truth that he was my best looking man in the world and that he run rings around most men when it comes to the way he looks after me, that’s when he became so much more confident and it’s great. Some say age is just a number and I’m not one of those people as I know that as much as you love, want, need someone your needs and wants also change with age so age is a major player in a relationship. Also keeping in mind that he persuaded me for months and I haven’t thought about the GAO for at least a year as everything else is pretty great. Edited July 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Sweetas Posted July 26, 2018 Author Posted July 26, 2018 When I talked to him last about 2 weeks ago he said that I have no idea how much he wants me and that he’s always staring at me but sex wise his reasons list things such as works been full on he’s tired and he is in the mines and travels weekly, together time is rare and he’s a 7.30 bed mate I’m more 11. Desire wise he doesn’t think there is an issue no matter how many times we talk about it.
stillafool Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 I think he likes the emotional connection he has with you but is not sexually attracted to you. An emotional bond is a powerful connection and can keep people together when no sex is involved.
Lotsgoingon Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 You may well be quite "hot" ... but that doesn't mean that this guy finds you sexually appealing. There is a difference. There is such a thing as "chemistry"--not just how attractive or beautiful a person looks ... but rather what happens when two people interact or hold hands or touch. I dated a woman who was flat-out gorgeous ... when we kissed, nothing. Felt like I was kissing the inner tube of a bicycle. We didn't have chemistry. Sounds like perhaps you and this guy don't have chemistry. BTW: it's not unusual at all for people to have chemistry with someone who on paper ... doesn't seem all that hot at all. Plus, the dude is actually over-praising you ... I don't get that. Don't get sucked into the constant praise if you doesn't follow through in the relationship. Pay attention to the actions--not the words. 1
stillafool Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 You may well be quite "hot" ... but that doesn't mean that this guy finds you sexually appealing. There is a difference. There is such a thing as "chemistry"--not just how attractive or beautiful a person looks ... but rather what happens when two people interact or hold hands or touch. I dated a woman who was flat-out gorgeous ... when we kissed, nothing. Felt like I was kissing the inner tube of a bicycle. We didn't have chemistry. Sounds like perhaps you and this guy don't have chemistry. BTW: it's not unusual at all for people to have chemistry with someone who on paper ... doesn't seem all that hot at all. Plus, the dude is actually over-praising you ... I don't get that. Don't get sucked into the constant praise if you doesn't follow through in the relationship. Pay attention to the actions--not the words. I swear the same thing has happened to me. I dated a guy who was so gorgeous that women would just swoon. However, whenever he kissed me I had to fake it because I felt absolutely nothing at all. Then I dated a man who most women would consider okay looking but the chemistry with him was off the hook so much that his mere presence had me panting. 2
alistoga Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 If people are calling you a milf, that's not a compliment. 1. they are saying you look old 2. they are saying you dress slutty or at least too sexily for your age This is real life, not sex in the city.
kendahke Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 Everyone has a right to their preferences in a lover, including him. You're not his. Withdraw gracefully.
stillafool Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 Most men are looking to date younger. Yeah, and from what I'm seeing lately a lot of women are too.
TheFinalWord Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 Omg this sounds like I think I think IÂ’m hot as to all and IÂ’m needy lol. Im not at all a drama queen, needy, attention seeking person but what do I do!!! DonÂ’t say dress up, foreplay as IÂ’ve tried and tried and yes I backed off too but nothing is working?????? HEEEELP Probably age gap. Not saying this to be mean, but the reality is age gaps where the woman is a lot older is not as socially acceptable (in the USA), so it probably makes him feel a bit awkward when he is out socially. At 30, he may be looking to have children and a family. You're a bit older and he may not see that in the cards.
coolheadal Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 Hey. Ok please remember in no way do I want to portray myself as gods gift to men, if we ever were as such “a gift to men” lol. I’m fiercely independent, private, not great at communicating the big things, not as affectionate as I could be, I’m on the move constantly, like my alone time and I can be a total pain in the ass but I’m also a giving, loving, loyal, passionate, good looking, smart, funny and honest 42 year old women. I love people and generally people love me. My last 3 relationships have been 12, 7 and current 2 years and I haven’t really been single for more than 2 months since I was 18. Men in general say I’m hot as, sexy, a milf (hate that terminology) and men constantly look at me when I’m out and often ask me out or compliment me. Now these men of course are going on my looks alone, they don’t put up with the real me every day lol. Every relationship I’ve had I have felt so desired and wanted sexually by my partner but the man I desire, want and love for the 2 years just doesn’t seem to make me feel this way and I’m god dam at a dead end. I am 42 he is 30, he’s me man and he’s in every way hot and so loved by me. He loves me and he shied that every day but he doesn’t desire me. He doesn’t look at me like like he’s just wants me, he doesn’t want to have sex very often and it’s almist as if he’s embarrassed of himself when we are in public. He is socially awkward which is do hard for him but I just want to catch him looking at me like he wants me, smack me in the bum cheekily, sexy me lol Omg this sounds like I think I think I’m hot as to all and I’m needy lol. Im not at all a drama queen, needy, attention seeking person but what do I do!!! Don’t say dress up, foreplay as I’ve tried and tried and yes I backed off too but nothing is working?????? HEEEELP Sounds like you have your man where you want him to be. But something else is a mist in your life together with this man you have. Thus leads you here to us all for help. So no sex everyday common, did you have it prior or what has changed between you two? Have you changed in anyway? Or has he changed? Something going on there. Forget the hit on the derriere, you need to focus on him and what's going on in his mind? You already shared your wants your needs and your desires? What about him? Ask him what he wants from right now when he's with you?
preraph Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 He's not going to keep you. I'm sorry to say it. But that age difference is bothering him in more ways than one. I doubt he really wants to take it public. I mean, it's not a huge difference for some people, but it is for others. And so much depends on both of your life experiences and maturity. Like if you aren't a mother and he's not a dad, maybe you're a closer match, unless he wants kids, which is likely. But if you have kids and he doesn't, you're at different experience and maturity levels. Anyway, you'll find someone more well suited, sounds like. Good luck.
Noproblem Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 Based on what you said in this quote, I got the impression that he may not be fully comfortable being in a relationship with someone who's 12 years older than he is. Not too long ago he was 28 when you were 40 and when you were turning 18 he was 6. I only say that to give you some perspective on the age gap and some insight into his possible mind set. Some people have a harder time immersing themselves in a relationship with someone who's more than a decade older than them, especially men. What did he have to say when you talked to him about his apparent lack of desire? would you say that perspective to the men who date girls 12 years younger than them! Which is the norm in societies! The double standard and shaming presists! How dare her be with someone who was 6 when she was 18! But it's ok for her to be with someone who was 24 when she was 4! How about maybe this guy is awekward and shy! and not the age gap that is making him like that! Maybe he does not know how to show his feelings! Maybe he does not like how other men wants her! ETC ETC ETC! (not the electron Transport chain!) 1
kendahke Posted July 28, 2018 Posted July 28, 2018 would you say that perspective to the men who date girls 12 years younger than them! Which is the norm in societies! The double standard and shaming presists! How dare her be with someone who was 6 when she was 18! But it's ok for her to be with someone who was 24 when she was 4! How about maybe this guy is awekward and shy! and not the age gap that is making him like that! Maybe he does not know how to show his feelings! Maybe he does not like how other men wants her! ETC ETC ETC! (not the electron Transport chain!) In OP's follow up post: he deserved to have children but I did not want any more I think this more than anything else is the reason why he backed off.
Noproblem Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 In OP's follow up post: I think this more than anything else is the reason why he backed off. I thought she was talking about her ex who she was honest with from day one but later on, she decided to end things because he wanted kids and that's why she was critical about being involved with another guy who was younger than her but he persisted until she succumbed and now he changed. But don't most men change after they get their prey? OP: He works in the mines, so he is not a white collar kind of guy..... his life is mostly around other men, they either work very hard or drink beer after work and jokes around, someone said something bad in front of him about his woman around him and he got upset. A real man will be proud of you, a shell of a man, will get upset and withdrawal after nasty comments from others. Why would you want to stay with him then? If you feel he does not want you anymore; he does not deserve you then. End it and move on! You said you are nice looking, so you won't have a problem finding another person. Better luck next time! You deserve better! but life won't reward people who accept less and wait around until they despair
damni Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Sorry to say I agree the age gap is the problem here. Also the fact you don't want children may be on his mind as he is now in his 30s. Unlikely this is a forever relationship.
alistoga Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 Yeah, and from what I'm seeing lately a lot of women are too. lol, interesting. In your local area or are you talking more about celebrities? Or both?
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