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Am I overreacting over this thing or am being played for a fool right under my nose?

theashley85

By theashley85
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theashley85 Member

theashley85

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Hi there, my boyfriend (which is OLDER than me) been together for almost 6 months,he has behaved like a true man with me, always very pleasing,loving,etc, he recently purchased his first house it's a very modest place, itÂ’s a home that he will eventually use for business(rent the home, efficiencys etc). My boyfriend is the kind of person that is way to nice, pleasing, giving, if he sees a lost puppy in the streets he most likely will try to rescue him. if a woman is sitting normal on the floor in the mall, he worries and thinks if something might be wrong with her and wants to help her.

 

 

So months ago,almost when we started dating, my boyfriend started talking to a women he now calls a friend and real state agent they met in a Latin restaurant (that's what it says his Whatsapp contact list),she is the one who helped him look for this house.He has talked to me about her since he started looking for a home to live in.So obviously she has been involved with him in the process of looking for a home etc, this woman has 4 adopted Kids and her aunt looks like one of those low class with little education type of person,so this past Saturday he had a house reunion/house warming party, his family flew in from south America(they are Latinos like me)he wanted his mom to meet me and visceversa, his mom came with his beloved aunt, her sister and her boyfriend which is older than her( he is 80) my boyfriend wants this man like a father.

 

 

So this past Saturday was the housewarming party, and he invited 4 of his friends, me my grandparents (my parents live abroad) and my aunt, so obviously my grandparents represent me in this moment, he also invited his friend the real state agent, and her aunt ( they are both from South America as well) so everything was good,everybody was talking,getting to know each other.But then I start to notice that this Real state agent friend of his is trying to win his family being all nicey nicey, then she started NOT ALL THE TIME but lets say if my boyfriend went to the kitchen, she sometimes went after him, and then she asked him : so did you do so-and-so to the bathroom, and he answered her very naturally (well my grandma was in front of him of course!)oh yeah come over so you can see. By the way this real state agent, looks nothing like a real state agent , when I first saw her she looked like a little girl, she is petite. But she does not have that professional look in her.My aunt was also looking at him when he was showing her the house rooms,bathroom etc,

 

 

We did not talk a lot cause he was trying to talk to everybody, his friends (mostly his friends) but still he could at least told me to come and sit near them or whatever I donÂ’t know ( I do admit he was very sweet and lovey dovey with me he came and kissed me,hugged me in front of his guest from time to time), he seemed stressed because he was fixing the house and looking for the food last minute, so I did notice that he was like anxious/uneasy and my aunt told me exactly the same thing. So I did not enjoy the party cause honestly I did not like this real state agent friend of his, I felt she was to on top of him, an her aunt looking at everything, its like if this was a competition to see who wins him over.

I truly believe that this girl might possibly like him, or is trying to win him over, that is the impression it gave to me maybe I am wrong and it’s her way of being, but I don’t have an instinct for nothing. plus my thoughts are she got him the home,perfect that is it, there should be no more interaction between them. but he calls her his friend. my boyfriend plans to rent one the room to someone so it helps him with the mortgage, and she was going to be the one renting it( the first option) so imagine she was going to be living in the same house (It’s like an efficiency). I find this weird for some reason, he told me it’s better for him to rent it out to someone he knows rather than to a complete stranger (I understand this) but she is not the only ”decent” person out there, there are many people willing to live in an efficiency/bedroom that are quiet and not troublemakers.

 

 

 

I talked to him about all of THIS ISSUE that I did not like her at all.That she was all over the place for my taste or for what I had seen in the house warming reunion,and so so,so he was kind of bummed that I did not like her, cause he in fact was planning to rent the bedroom to her and wanted me and her to get along, he was even going to present her to a male friend of his so we can all go out on a date. And I told him NO WAY!!, I don’t want that woman near me,Ok maybe I overreacted but I wanted him to see that I do not like this girl. I told him that I believed she liked him, and he was like” oh come on babe NO,she is my real state agent and friend.I also told him if you were going to rent this woman the room, you were going to have to choose between me and her,cause I was not going to tolerate this, or it was going to be the end, then he grabbed my hand and said ;”are you kidding me babe, of course I was going to choose you what kind of question is this” listen she is just my friend, and she does not like me or anything. (I don’t think he was going to say otherwise, would be very stupid to tell me ”oh yeah I think she likes me too”) He told me she is not going to rent the room anymore, cause first she wanted to get to know me (Cause obviously I will be LIVING THERE WITH HIM so she wanted to see how I interacted with her).

 

 

so when I started talking to him about the fact that I did not like this woman and the conversation developed to something else, he asked me if I wanted to move in with him. He was like listen you can stay and go to the house whenever you want, itÂ’s your house I can give you your key, if you want to move in right now with me,you can move today.

 

 

She seems like the type of woman, that throws the rock and then hides the hand, she offered to look for the food for the party Of course he PAID THE FOOD, she also found his furniture at the last moment etc, she was trying to win him, his mom,aunt etc. even MY AUNT SAW THIS!! Plus she was like oh I FINALLY GET MEET YOU ANABELLE!! she sounded like a fake person to me.I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s her way of talking, but seemed fake to me. THEY BOTH TALK THROUGH WHATSAPP he says she is his ''friend'', I donÂ’t like it but I believe there is nothing I can do. I just don't like any of this situation to be honest.

 

 

 

Then I was in the kitchen with my grandparents and she came in starts to talk to my grandma,the second time I was in the kitchen,my boyfriend was serving himself some food and his other male friend which was super nice, and all of the sudden she comes in and asks him something about the food or something, I donÂ’t remember what it was.Then one of his friends left and before leaving he asked this girl something and they both walked outside the house, and minutes later my boyfriend walked out as well.

 

 

By the way that everything has developed, do any of you think there might be something between my boyfriend and this girl that I donÂ’t know about? there has to be something wrong in this picture!!

Edited by theashley85
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Wow, you're a little drama queen aren't you? :-)

 

 

I think you put a lot of double meaning in everything you see. She was being nice to people there and you interpreted it as she is trying to win them over. You see her being interested in your boyfriend's renovation and you interpreted this as she is trying to take him away from you. I read your whole story and didn't see anything alarming. She is nice, she sounds extroverted, and you feel threaten by her somehow, I wonder why? She's prettier? younger? Why is she a threat to you at all? What does she have that you don't have?

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

The only thing that I would consider "wrong" is the fact that he has asked you to move in with him after only six months. That's way too soon!

 

Look, I do believe that a woman has intuition and she knows when another woman is after her man. But, has he given you any reason to doubt him? Do you have any reason to be insecure in this relationship - such that you think you have the right to tell him who he can/can't be friends with and start throwing around ultimatums?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You have only known your BF for 6 months. It's waaaayyyy too early for you to be moving in together. It's fine for you to have a key; but you also need to have your own separate address. Get to know him for a year or two before you cohabitate.

 

You tend to make a lot of assumptions about who people are based on how they look. You said somebody was low class & uneducated because you didn't like they way they look. You complain the relator didn't look professional in this social non-work setting. It's pretty judgy on your part.

 

You are not required to like this woman. You perceive her as a threat to your relationship with your BF & you fear he's going to leave you for her. He absolutely will if you act like a psycho about her. Let him introduce her to his friend. Do go on double dates. You can draw the line at her moving into the rental bedroom but otherwise be gracious or else you risk coming off as the crazy person in this triangle.

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

You are not required to like this woman. You perceive her as a threat to your relationship with your BF & you fear he's going to leave you for her. He absolutely will if you act like a psycho about her. Let him introduce her to his friend. Do go on double dates. You can draw the line at her moving into the rental bedroom but otherwise be gracious or else you risk coming off as the crazy person in this triangle.

 

This. ^^^

 

Because, reading not only what you have written but how you wrote it, she may have questionable motives, your boyfriend seems somewhat oblivious and for some reason devoted to you, while you sound like an insecure, and dare to say it, crazy woman...

  • Like 1
act00 Established Member

act00

Posted
Posted

I'm having great difficulty with your post. It seems on one hand, there is suspicion there is something going on with your BF and the realtor, yet on the other hand, your boyfriend seems very loyal to you, uninterested in her, and you're being paranoid.

 

Despite his being very busy as a host, he made the time to acknowledge you, look at you, touch you...in front of everyone...he was divided in his attention with his family, his friends, and keeping up on hosting duties (have you ever hosted a party? Exhausting!), and he took the time for YOU. You not only had family and friends at this event that you knew, but you were also able to mingle with the strangers and get to know them...you didn't require him hang on your elbow and hip and "babysit" you. Bonus points he didn't full out ignore you...that would be the "red flag"...if he ignored you, which he did not.

 

This woman was social and took interest and behaved normally in a social environment, or so it seems to me. She was a little more invested in the this, as a realtor and seeing the outcome of this "fixer upper." She may also be keeping up the "sell." This is not only a prospective second-time buyer, but word-of-mouth is her income and she's going to lay it on thick if it works for her.

 

Maybe, she has an attraction to your boyfriend and has her sights set on this guy, but your boyfriend does not seem to feel the same, and you don't describe any behavior FROM HIM that suggests it. You don't describe him showering her with attention and flirting while ignoring you. You describe the realtor being a bit more bold and inserting herself in his personal space...trying...seemingly failing in accomplishing her goal...an assumption of a goal.

 

I do believe your instinct is probably correct that she "has ideas" about your boyfriend...a crush...a potential mate. Nothing you describe seems to indicate your boyfriend has any attraction towards her.

 

I would have a problem if he took her on as a renter or roommate, however...I give you that.

 

I echo what Gaeta said...you may be reading waaay more into what's going on...and the reality is, women may fawn all over your boyfriend, think he's hot, flirt, try to "get" him...it's HIS actions and behaviors that are what matters. Has he flirted or behaved inappropriately with this realtor, other women, and/or so-called friends, or is he trying to brush off advances with some couth while being fully devoted to you and giving you the affection?

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