Norfolkgirl Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I have a lovely partner we very In love and just moved in together. One thing holding us back is my worried a bout his ex. When we first met he said how awful she was turned out he exaggerated his he said cause he was still bit bitter. But though apparently she was still not great but took him for them to break up and date again before he noticed. Non of his family like her or his friends again nd said she was bad for him. InNovember me again nd nd him had big fallout and ended it he had never said he loved me and had been like 8 months together. We had a 3 way Convo with his ex and he admitted to always will love her but in a caring way not in love and he had told me he didn't love her so this was shock.this was first time hey had spoken in a year and was only cause I started speaking to her and they haven't spoke again sincce they not friends or anythingm i left him and within few weeks he said he realised I was what he wanted and he wanted me back.and he realised he was in love with me but had been avoiding the feelings as was scared of it. We got back togethera and everything was different he was so loving and wonderful he hadn't been before u could tell now he wanted this. But I just can't get over his ex and worrying that he may have loved her more or what if he does love her but with me as I'm better to him and not cause he wants me more or what if think he doesn't love her but if they hung out he'd realise old feelings. All this crap goes through my head and I'm not an insecure person I love who I am and know I'm a great gf but there's something I can't seem to get over here. He says he loves me more and happier than ever was with her doesnt seem keen on her at all seems to have dislike and want her forgotton. Really need advice befoRe ruin happiness.
act00 Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 This ex seems to be a major source of conversation. She needs to be removed from your relationship. If this ex is a constant source of conversation, then there are some problems. Either he's not over her and brings her up, or you're incredibly insecure and are constantly bringing her up so that he can assure you he chose you and it's over. Maybe it's both, which is feeding your insecurity. Either way, the situation isn't good and this relationship could be doomed, particularly if this is your issue, and he has to constantly assure you and defend himself. WHY did you have a three-way conference call with the ex?? What was the purpose of that? I would be concerned if they still "hang out." Everybody has a past, and the sooner you figure that out and let go of your jealousy and insecurity, the better off you will be. There will always be fond memories and good times...yep, you have them too. Does it mean you still want your ex? No. But you have a past and so does he. Get over it. As long as your boyfriend doesn't trash-talk his ex constantly or talk about how great she was constantly, compare, and as long as he doesn't behave in a way that suggests he's not over her, then you have to let it go...the past is the past. He's with you, not her.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 Why were you even in contact with his ex to begin with? And how on earth did a three-way call with her materialize? That is beyond bizarre. 2
2much4 Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 Tbh it might be easier to change boyfriend than to get over the ex. I don't blame you for being insecure. You already broke up two times, once because he wouldn't tell you he loved you.....and then he tells you he will always love his ex? I know I wouldn't be able to get over it, even if he completely changed his behavior. 1
kendahke Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 Your relationship has 3 partners mainly because you insist upon her being in the middle of it. You need to just break up with him because you will never be satisfied with anything he tells you. You are always going to think he's lying to you and that's not way to live out the rest of your life or raise children in that mess. He may or may not be over her; he may or may not love her more than you---none of that matters when you've already written the narrative you're choosing to go with because you insist upon keeping his ex in the middle of things. Leave him both alone and find someone who doesn't have so much baggage.
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