youngconfusedme Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I got married young at 18 to a man that was 10 yrs my senior. This was 4 yrs ago and now I have changed jobs to a job I love and feel like I am taking control of my life, I am losing weight and bought a sports car. And now one of the men I work with is interested in me, he knows I am married but everytime I see him my heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest and I get those butterflies in my stomache. He however is not interested in a relationship only the fun part if you get my point which is fine w/ me b/c I don't want a relationship I just don't want to be alone. He has been to my house and we have made out but no sex oral or reg. Me and my husband are going through a rough patch but he is a good man who loves me and when I started all the changes he has gotten concerned but is supporting me while I figure out if I still want to be married, b/c I am not usually a liar and these feelings that I have for this other guy are making me very confused.He doesn't know about the other guy and that the other guy has inspired the changes by making me feel alive again. Here is the kicker when I told the other guy that I was considering leaving my husband, but I didn't want a relationship with him ( I really don't my problem is that I have been tied down since I was 16) now my "lover" is acting distant but still comes around. I don't know what to do. Please don't judge me please just help me I was raised right I know the cliches ... the grass isn't green, don't make make a permenent solution to a short term problem and so on... I just need advice.
Bryanp Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Hello, Let me see if I have this right. The OM has no desire for a relationship but just wants to get in your pants. You say you were raised right but apparently you see no problems bringing your OM to your home and making out with him behind your husband's back when he is at work? What is wrong with this picture? How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Clearly you have no respect for your husband since you have not told him the truth and have no problem bringing another man into your shared home behind your husband's back. Why not be honest with your husband that you wish to screw another man just for the sex and you have no problem betraying him and your marriage. Move for divorce so your husband can find someone else who can respect him and respect a marriage because surely you cannot.
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Sounds like you got married too young. People do alot of changing in their 20's and you've been with someone since you were 16, you've not experienced life on your own. This could be a factor now, a need for independance and growing. Not too sure what to say about OM but for him backing off from you either means he's hurt that you're not considering him in your future or maybe the fun is over as you'll be more available once (if) you end your marriage. Have you thought about going to marriage counselling with your husband? He sounds like a good guy and if you love him (we all go through phases when the feelings are more intense than other times and during the rough patches is when most question the relationship and if it's worth staying in) work together to fix things. Good luck and keep posting!
TMCM Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Ask yourself why are you hiding the truth from your H that you have a very strong emotional attraction towards another man? Does he have a violent streak that makes him a danger to you and/or the OM? or Do you want to keep your options open so that if you decide that you want to remain married to your H you can easily do so? If it is the former then you have a valid reason for keeping the truth from him, BUT if its the latter then you are 'controlling' him by denying him the complete facts of the situation. In any case, your H deserves to have a woman who can love him and if you feel that you are no longer that woman then you should seriously consider divorcing him so that he will have the opportunity to find another one who will. TMCM
Confused1307 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I know how you feel. I have been in the same type of situation and can totally understand your feeling. I too am so confused about my situation that I just don't know what to do. I was young when I got married (18) and I have been married 10 years and my husband too is 8 years my senior. I just feel alone a lot and it's like someone gives you a touch of life back and It's on....It'll be okay..
Author youngconfusedme Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 I was reading my original thread and it was confusing, kinda like how I feel right now. I feel that I have the young bride/girl disease where you hit your 20's and become obessed with the idea that you are missing out on life. The OM was spice to a dull life but he is distant now and that has given me a chance to step outside the situation and see that he isn't worth it especially since he isn't that into me. I am not going to tell me H and ruin his life and mine over a little indescretion.
Author youngconfusedme Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Confused- what happen in your situation. B/c I don't know how strong me resolve is, as it has gone untested
Confused1307 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Read my former post Labled Confused in mid August...then let me know when you are done. I know exactly what you mean by the spice to the dull life.
Dean3922 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 The OM was spice to a dull life but he is distant now and that has given me a chance to step outside the situation and see that he isn't worth it especially since he isn't that into me. But what happens when the next guy gives you some attention? Sounds like you still want someone other than your H. A big problem....
Bryanp Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 If the roles were reversed, would you want your husband to tell you about his little indiscretion of how he brought another woman to your home and made out with her or keep it a secret? Either you have honesty and respect in your marriage or your don't. It is doubtful your marriage will last with such an attitude.
crazy_grl Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I am not going to tell me H and ruin his life and mine over a little indescretion. Your interest in the OM is a symptom of problems in your relationship. Not telling your husband may make things smoother in the short term, but ignoring the issue and hiding the fact will, in the long run, give you the result you're trying to avoid (ruining both of your lives). You need to sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him you want to work on your relationship, and that one of the reasons you think there's a problem is that you were kissing another man. Then he can choose whether he wants to remain in the marriage. Lies and deception will only tear your marriage apart slowly and more painfully.
Embarassed Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 My husband no longer wants sex. He says he misses being single. Here's the problem (besides that). I love sex. I love being touched and kissed, and shoot, even the rougher stuff. I adore sex. I adore feeling adored. We were away last weekend, and one of the single guys at the party was eyeing me like I was on the menu. It felt so nice to be desired again. My husband did give it up that night, but I can't decide if he actually wanted me, or if he just realized I am still sexy because other people noticed it. I suspect he's back to looking at porn, because this is what happened before we got married and he pulled back and said he wanted to be single - or missed it. He's sworn to me he wouldn't do that, because I have strong feelings about it, and because it takes away from us in a big way. To me, looking at some unknown chick and spending all of his sexual energy on her - while leaving me high and dry - is cheating. So now I'm angry, and I'm feeling very alone, and Lord help me, I want some attention. I'm not an attention monger or anything, but I think I like the normal amount of notice that any woman would. I find myself, for the first time in my life, considering cheating. I do not want to do this. I love my husband, even as he's being a bit of a buttnugget right now. I value my marraige. But how do I get over this hump? (no pun intended)
Embarassed Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I'm so sorry for jacking this thread!!! I thought this was a seperate new thread! Is there a way to splinter my question off into it's own?
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