Highndry Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I think it's weird. I've got nothing to hide, but I still don't like people handling my phone. It feels like an invasion of privacy. Just because I'm dating someone doesn't mean they get unchecked access to every nuance of my life. You sound paranoid to me. Every gf I've had since I've owned a cell phone has had access to it. Heck, oftentimes I would leave it in the house as I was out working and I had no care in the world if my ex looked at it. She used it at times to call friends and such. No big deal whatsoever. The gf I had before her, the love of my life really, was an open book, and I was the same with her. We had each other's email passwords and everything, and it didn't matter. We didn't snoop on each other, nothing. It was natural. 1
coolheadal Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I am curious about others interaction with their SO's phone. I see many posts on here regarding "we have access to each others phones" "I was looking at her phone the other day" "I saw on his phone this girl texted him" etc. How many people dating have access to their SO's phones? And what phone habits raise red flags? My boyfriend often keeps his phone on silent around me. Ill see something pop up on his screen when were together occasionally, but his phone wont make a sound. Mostly this is when we are in the car, or sitting on the couch watching tv, and at night. However sometimes I will have just come over and his phone will be in the kitchen and I will hear it go off. So why have it on silent sometimes? Is this a thing? He also told me recently he has my number saved to a certain sound so he knows its me when it goes off. Why do this? I know he has a code on his phone, or he uses the finger print. So how do other people have such easy access to their partners phone? Is it normal that my boyfriend and I do not use each others phones? I do trust him mostly, but I have been cheated on in past relationships that I think have damaged me to the point where I'm not sure I will ever fully trust another person. (To give some background my ex bfs mom was dying, eventually in hospice before her death, and my boyfriend would go 12-14 hours without returning texts, saying he was at the hospital all day with his mom, which of course I believed. Right before she passed away, I found out on four separate occasions he drove an hour and a half to go to his ex gf's house and have sex/be with her all day, then tell me he was at this hospital. so yeah I'm pretty damaged.) How does conversations like that even come up, "hey can I use your phone?" What about the fact that phones have the fingerprint access now? I don't feel the need to search my boyfriends phone, but I see so many posts that mention having access to partners phones, and I'm curious if that's normal now days? Yes your damaged over the cell phone of your ex and I hope he's gone out of your life as well. Cheats do not belong with you at all. No one wants a cheater. I know CELL phone with a woman is private so it is with me. Passcode lock. I do not want anyone in my phone. Same goes with them and me. Still you need to trust the person your with if you feel they're hiding something then you don't need to be with them. I am not hiding but I do know women has friends only but we talk about things in general. I do not have anything like other than that to talk to them about. Now if a guy is turning off the ringer or is acting strange around you then you have to wonder what else is he during. My current gF her cell has passcode lock she tells me she doesn't have anything to hide. I did catch her today outside in the rain talking but again could be her gf buddy. I do not get along with her. That's another story. Like I said if you feel something is up you need to confront them ASAP. Don't let it go..
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 (edited) I had access to my bf’s phones. It has nothing to due with jealousy or insecurity. Sometimes it was just easier to look stuff up on their phone when mine was dead, in the other room, or vice versa. Other scenarios, like when they wanted me to check something for them while they were in the other room. Or take pic with their phone. List goes on. I never snooped. They trusted me and I trusted them.NBD Edited July 25, 2018 by Cookiesandough
coolheadal Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 Privacy Married don't have secrets then having a password not going to hurt. Passcode in iphone and android. Still should have one become if the device is stolen you can be safe to know they won't be able to crack your code. Single and free have a password and passcode. Those dating it's up to you for our own protection. Secrets an etc. Trust is hard to come by those who are married they're okay with their trust. Those who are not have secrets and etc might not want to share the info on their phone. My current GF passcode on her cell I don't know it and I don't want to know it. I am not giving up my code either. Privacy.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I would think it's weird if password wasn't offered to me at some point in a serious relationship. In fact, it was offered after about 3 months if a guy had serious intentions. I am not into people that require excessive privacy. Not all of them are cheating but I want to know that I can look if I need to. 1
bene Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 The topic of phone or computer passwords has never come up in my relationship. We have never discussed having or not having access to each other’s phones. Of course we sometimes borrow each other’s phone when one wants to take a photo or look something up and doesn’t have their own phone at hand. But the phones are locked with touch ID and I think it’s common IT literacy these days to protect your smartphone with a password or fingerprint or something similar. I have facebook, email accounts, photos of my life and whatnot on my phone and I would never keep it unlocked in case I forget my phone somewhere or someone steals it. To be honest I’m surprised that locking the phone is considered only in the context of relationships. Of course if someone acts secretive and takes extra care to hide their phone and conversations then something is up but I doubt that publicly having the password to their phone would change much as a cheater would probably figure out something.
No_Go Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I would think it's weird if password wasn't offered to me at some point in a serious relationship. In fact, it was offered after about 3 months if a guy had serious intentions. I am not into people that require excessive privacy. Not all of them are cheating but I want to know that I can look if I need to. Oh no, here I disagree . I’m NEVER sharing passwords with anyone, have stuff that is just for my own eyes (mostly gross things - like medical sites) that are noone’s business. There are ways of no being secretive without being overexposed. BF has stuff that is not for public eyes on his devices We’re openly talking about everything so I don’t have the need to access his porn or exes pictures, plus I trust him completely. If I didn’t, what’s the whole point of a relationship?! 1
No_Go Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 You either trust or you don't. Having passwords & access to the phone is not trust. It may be transparency but if you really have to look, there are problems. ^That. If you need to look because you’re suspicious, time to let this one go. Even if there is nothing, obviously trust is not there. I had an ex that I caught messaging multiple women on dating sites while discussing marriage. Not cool, but this experience still doesn’t make me wanting transparency’ from BF now... Different people, one not responsible for the other. Plus I’m sure the ex would have done it even if I had access, I’d have just caught it a bit earlier, not huge gain.
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I would think it's weird if password wasn't offered to me at some point in a serious relationship. In fact, it was offered after about 3 months if a guy had serious intentions. I am not into people that require excessive privacy. Not all of them are cheating but I want to know that I can look if I need to. What would you *need* to look ? and if you develop a *need* to look maybe it's an indication you're not in a good relationship. 2
Shining One Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 As an IT professional who is often required to focus on information security, my views on this are probably a bit "tainted". My company phone (which is my only phone), tablet, and laptop are completely off limits without question. I had an ex who tried to access my phone once and I ended up having an unpleasant conversation with the CISO the next day at work. As far as my personal electronics are concerned, she doesn't get my passwords, but she gets access to most of the devices with her own credentials. This means she can make use of the devices herself, but she doesn't get access to my files.
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 (edited) Well in every situation I had, we weren’t like: “Hey. We’re serious now. Don’t you think we should have each other’s passwords?” “Of course, babe. It’s 1234 and Banana69. See. I’m clearly not cheating on you and you can always look if you don’t believe me. “ It was an extension of being in a long term rship these days where everyone is on their phones and everyone is looking for convenience. “Oh hey, can I use your phone real quick? Mines in the other room” “Yeah” “Oh wait, nvm it’s locked” “the passcode is 1234” Or *Typing on MacBook* “Banana69? Really?” I suppose there are people who are super private and will never share with or trust their partner 100% for their own reasons and that’s fine Maybe they have some really weird porn saved on their phone or their partner doesn’t like it and they don’t want to clear their browser. I really don’t understand what the big deal is, but I’ve never been in the position so it’s hard to say if I’d be suspicious or not. I’d probably be curious at the very least lol. Edited July 25, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 When I need my phone I go get it in the other room. If my phone is dead I recharge it. If I need an info and I don't have my phone I simply ask my bf to look up that info for me. I think can I use your phone mine is in the bedroom is an excuse to put your hands on his. It's like a confirmation to yourself that he must be trustworthy he allows you on his phone. 2
Shining One Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 Maybe they have some really weird porn saved on their phone or their partner doesn’t like it and they don’t want to clear their browser. I really don’t understand what the big deal is, but I’ve never been in the position so it’s hard to say if I’d be suspicious or not.Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend to have access to their bank app. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend to change share permissions on their DropBox/OneDrive/iCloud account. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend browsing their shopping history to see what they bought them for an upcoming birthday. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend messing with the thermostat in their house/car. Those are all real life examples from friends / associates / clients. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 100% not an excuse, Gaeta. I can only recall one time it happened in detail and that was in my last relationship. We were in his room and I needed to get pictures on his phone. He was on his laptop in his bed and I was next to him. I wanted some pictures he took with his phone on mine, so I asked if he could send them to me and he said “yeah, pick the ones you want” and he handed his phone to me but I said “it’s locked” so he told me his passcode He told me his other password because I guess he thought it was cute since he had changed them to my nickname. Anyway, who cares? I still don’t see why I should have to charge it if we want the information immediately and they have nothing to hide. What’s the big deal? It’s not about snooping. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 (edited) Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend to have access to their bank app. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend to change share permissions on their DropBox/OneDrive/iCloud account. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend browsing their shopping history to see what they bought them for an upcoming birthday. Maybe they don't want their boyfriend/girlfriend messing with the thermostat in their house/car. Those are all real life examples from friends / associates / clients. I guess my bf trusted me not to steal from him or tamper with things/snoop. You’d definitely need to trust your partner to do it Edited July 25, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
Gaeta Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 100% not an excuse, Gaeta. I can only recall one time it happened in detail and that was in my last relationship. We were in his room and I needed to get pictures on his phone. He was on his laptop in his bed and I was next to him. I wanted some pictures he took with his phone on mine, so I asked if he could send them to me and he said “yeah, pick the ones you want” and he handed his phone to me but I said “it’s locked” so he told me his passcode He told me his other password because I guess he thought it was cute since he had changed them to my nickname. Anyway, who cares? I still don’t see why I should have to charge it if we want the information immediately and they have nothing to hide. What’s the big deal? It’s not about snooping. There is no big deal he offered his password to you. OP feels she should have her boyfriend's passwords as if she's entitled to them. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 (edited) —————————- Edited July 25, 2018 by Cookiesandough
Blanco Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 You sound paranoid to me. Every gf I've had since I've owned a cell phone has had access to it. Heck, oftentimes I would leave it in the house as I was out working and I had no care in the world if my ex looked at it. She used it at times to call friends and such. No big deal whatsoever. The gf I had before her, the love of my life really, was an open book, and I was the same with her. We had each other's email passwords and everything, and it didn't matter. We didn't snoop on each other, nothing. It was natural. I've got nothing to hide, but at the same time, that doesn't mean I should feel obligated to just give whoever I'm dating all access to all parts of my life. When I was living with my last girlfriend, I'd often leave my phone in other rooms, sometimes even leave it behind while she was still there. Yet I wouldn't have been pleased to walk into a room and she her just going through it. I've never asked or expected a girlfriend let me have access to her phone, or let me know passwords. Why would I? I trusted all of them, and to me, part of truly trusting them is letting them have some aspects of their life that I don't have unquestioned access to.
ElKay Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 Since I was slightly insecure, I would purposefully not check my now-exboyfriend's phone even if he was browsing something to show us. He had to ask me to look at it at one point to see a funny convo while I was looking away. Having been insecure, I didn't look since I prefered trusting rather than looking and accidentally finding something that I will misunderstand. I gave him my phone and unlocked it because I wanted to show that I trusted him. He didn't appreciate it at all..
Purrrfect Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 I absolutely agree if someone is being secretive with their phone it’s a huge red flag. I will never forget an incident with a guy I had dating off and on for a bit after my divorce. He was majorly secretive with his phone and absolutely refused to let me see it. My phone was dead and I wanted to look up movie times. We had a fight over it. He left. I called my friend and asked her if she thought it was weird how secretive he was with his phone. She said yes red flag A few weeks later I found he is cheating on me with this “friend.” They had met at a party we all wound up at and they started seeing each other. He turned out to be a prolific liar and cheater. I found out he had a profile on Adult Friemd Finder- another reason he didn’t want me to see his phone So there’s my experience with someone who is very secretive with their phone. If someone has nothing to hide they would let you see it 1
anduina Posted July 29, 2018 Posted July 29, 2018 Since the ex was sexting with his ex which is why I dumped him, my fiance gave me access to his phone without me asking for it when we initially became exclusive. In return, he has access to my phone without him needing to ask for it. He proved to me that he's a compassionate and understanding man which was the last step in me falling head over heels in love with him. I haven't felt the need to check his phone.
bachdude Posted July 30, 2018 Posted July 30, 2018 I lock my phone with a password because, if I lose it, I don't want someone to access all of my files on the cloud. And it is often on silent because I turn it down for meetings etc. and forget to turn it back on. If an SO asked for my password, I would assume they don't trust me. It's weird to feel like someone has to confirm you aren't cheating, like an investigator, and starts combing through your stuff. Even with nothing to hide, it feels like a violation of privacy.
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