Why is my ex still talking about me?

[Mumra]

It has been nearly 3 years since I cut off communication with my ex. However, we have a mutual friend who told me that my ex still follows my facebook page and constantly compares me to her current boyfriend. The comparisons are always basically saying that I'm better than the current guy.

 

If my ex has a boyfriend, even if she felt that I was better in some ways, why would she express these things to someone who she knows will eventually tell me?

[Lotsgoingon]

Your friend is not helping you by reporting what your ex says.

 

You might want to tell your friend that you appreciate the praise, but you'd just skip hearing about any thoughts from your ex.

 

We don't know the context of your ex's remarks ... I once dated a woman who told me publicly and told others I was "the best man she had ever dated." ... And she later broke up with me because she wasn't turned on by me.

 

Your ex might be saying, you have strengths that the current bf lacks ... but that means nothing. She might also be saying, she's totally turned on by current bf and won't leave him for the world.

 

Really your friend could keep quiet. It's not helping you ... and it's not rude to tell the freak to keep quiet on this ...

[Mumra]

Great points you've made. And yes I have to tell the friend to cease the messages. And you are right, it could mean that she's totally loving the bf as she should, but she has been contacting me indirectly over these years by texts and anonymous phone calls, even though I ignore the attempts. It's just weird if she loves the guy why keep focusing on me.

 

I'm only asking because I trying to put myself in her shoes, but I would never do these things. I am with my gf and I would never call her, text her, ask about her.

[marky00]

Pretty normal.

 

I bumped into an Ex after 10 years or so. She admitted to me she Facebook stalked me for years. She was the dumper.

 

I guess there is a difference between someone stalking your profile and someone picking up the phone and saying they want to meet you in person to see if an old flame can be rekindled.

 

I think your worth more than being stalked don't u?

 

I get that dumpers feel awkward picking up the phone and calling a dumpee. But that's just too bad. If I loved someone and realised I had made a mistake, I would pick up the phone and tell them so.

[Jamess1]

The lack of knowledge of "intersexual dydmamics" I witness here is unbelievable

 

A woman who wants to be with you will never confuse you.You are what is called a plan B, a back-up plan, and this is based on science

 

The survey results are here : https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/nearly-half-women-relationships-plan-4323872

 

Half of all women have a ‘Plan B’ - in the shape of a man whose arms they can run into if their current relationship turns sour.

 

A study carried out among 1,000 women found a substantial percentage have managed to keep another man waiting patiently in the wings should they end up single.

 

What they don't mention is that your ex upgraded from you 3 years ago, a woman will always leave you for sm1 she deems is better than u, 'higher value' but after 3 years with these men/man she hasn't being able to get commitment/marriage from plan A, and she is getting older/ she is realising she cant compete with other younger women for her ideal man. She begins to repriorities what she should be finding attractive in a man.

 

She will try a little bit longer with her plan A, bt she wants to know if her plan B's are still available, aka 'orbiters': men she knows find her attractive, who hit on her, and these include ex's but who aren't her 1st choice, she doesnt completely reject them but just enough to keep them hoping, keep them interested, keep them wanting to try harder, waiting for plan A mess-up.

 

Your ex is 'gaming' u, teln friends who she knows will tel u abt what she said is nt a mistake, it calculated and intentional, it's female game : evaluating her plan B options

 

It goes without saying, never ever take an ex back, most husbands get little to no sexs becoz they were a woman's plan B after she failed with the plan A guys.

[ThreeRainbows]

Great points you've made. And yes I have to tell the friend to cease the messages. And you are right, it could mean that she's totally loving the bf as she should, but she has been contacting me indirectly over these years by texts and anonymous phone calls, even though I ignore the attempts. It's just weird if she loves the guy why keep focusing on me.

 

I'm only asking because I trying to put myself in her shoes, but I would never do these things. I am with my gf and I would never call her, text her, ask about her.

 

 

I suspect it's narcissism. Not the full-blown personality disorder, but that's what's going on. She knows you've moved on, so now she's jealous.

 

 

 

It isn't love. It's ego. Forget her and move on.

[Mumra]

Pretty normal.

 

I bumped into an Ex after 10 years or so. She admitted to me she Facebook stalked me for years. She was the dumper.

 

I guess there is a difference between someone stalking your profile and someone picking up the phone and saying they want to meet you in person to see if an old flame can be rekindled.

 

I think your worth more than being stalked don't u?

 

I get that dumpers feel awkward picking up the phone and calling a dumpee. But that's just too bad. If I loved someone and realised I had made a mistake, I would pick up the phone and tell them so.

 

She wanted to be the dumper, but I guess because I would just detach or have a take it or leave it attitude, she kept coming back. It seems more based on her ego. I didn't have to dump her because I maintained a loose connection emotionally.

 

She seemed like the type who liked to try to manipulate emotionally and became crazy when it didn't work on me. She knew that I would hear that she was with someone else and I guess expected me to contact her out of jealousy, but I just went on with my life. Now I receive anonymous calls, texts, messages from mutual friends, etc. Just weird behavior.

 

I try to understand by putting myself in her shoes, but I can't understand, because I wouldn't do these sorts of things. Especially dating someone else.

[Mumra]

The lack of knowledge of "intersexual dydmamics" I witness here is unbelievable

 

A woman who wants to be with you will never confuse you.You are what is called a plan B, a back-up plan, and this is based on science

 

The survey results are here : https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/nearly-half-women-relationships-plan-4323872

 

 

 

What they don't mention is that your ex upgraded from you 3 years ago, a woman will always leave you for sm1 she deems is better than u, 'higher value' but after 3 years with these men/man she hasn't being able to get commitment/marriage from plan A, and she is getting older/ she is realising she cant compete with other younger women for her ideal man. She begins to repriorities what she should be finding attractive in a man.

 

She will try a little bit longer with her plan A, bt she wants to know if her plan B's are still available, aka 'orbiters': men she knows find her attractive, who hit on her, and these include ex's but who aren't her 1st choice, she doesnt completely reject them but just enough to keep them hoping, keep them interested, keep them wanting to try harder, waiting for plan A mess-up.

 

Your ex is 'gaming' u, teln friends who she knows will tel u abt what she said is nt a mistake, it calculated and intentional, it's female game : evaluating her plan B options

 

It goes without saying, never ever take an ex back, most husbands get little to no sexs becoz they were a woman's plan B after she failed with the plan A guys.

 

Great feedback James. I know it's game, dumb game, but this isn't a sucker writing. I can't control if she is trying to game me, but she just gets ignored. I can only control what I do. She tried to rush me into a relationship and when I refused, she began to try to manipulate me. When the manipulation wasn't working, she began to be crazy and I cut all communication with her.

 

Is her current bf plan A, could be and should be. But throughout, she still contacts me indirectly by anonymous calls, text's from others' phones, etc.

 

The messages meant to get back to me is the latest tactic.

 

Orbiters would've picked up the phone or called her, I ignore all attempts.

 

But you're correct, women and hypergamy is real.

[Mumra]

I suspect it's narcissism. Not the full-blown personality disorder, but that's what's going on. She knows you've moved on, so now she's jealous.

 

 

 

It isn't love. It's ego. Forget her and move on.

 

It's so hard to discuss these things online because few people truly know of NPD, so a lot of the feedback actually taunts/downplays the experience a person has with a true Narcissist.

 

This is my second run in with a woman with NPD. Kind of glad now that I experienced the first one, because I'm well prepared for any others that I run into.

 

I couldn't divulge the entire situation, but she is full blown. Once I experienced the gaslighting, the projection, the rewriting of history and reality, the stubbornness, etc. I cut all communication once I realized, this is a Narcissist.

 

In Narcissistic lingo, she is hoovering me. I guess she thought I would chase after hearing she was with someone else, but I just went on with my life. And you are right, it's all ego.

 

Awesome feedback.

[marky00]

 

I try to understand by putting myself in her shoes, but I can't understand, because I wouldn't do these sorts of things. Especially dating someone else.

 

That's probably why u broke up. You two are very different and don't think the same way.

[Mumra]

That's probably why u broke up. You two are very different and don't think the same way.

 

True. She was such a crazy person. The incompatibility between us was like night and day.

 

No matter I'm just going to keep ignoring everything.

[ThreeRainbows]

That's probably why u broke up. You two are very different and don't think the same way.

 

 

Because he has self-respect, and compassion. Most people only have one.

[stillafool]

Great points you've made. And yes I have to tell the friend to cease the messages. And you are right, it could mean that she's totally loving the bf as she should, but she has been contacting me indirectly over these years by texts and anonymous phone calls, even though I ignore the attempts. It's just weird if she loves the guy why keep focusing on me.

 

I'm only asking because I trying to put myself in her shoes, but I would never do these things. I am with my gf and I would never call her, text her, ask about her.

 

She is just showing people why you aren't with her anymore, because she is not a good gf. She is never satisfied and always thinks the grass is greener somewhere else. Let her eat cake.

[Mumra]

She is just showing people why you aren't with her anymore, because she is not a good gf. She is never satisfied and always thinks the grass is greener somewhere else. Let her eat cake.

 

You're right on point. Sometimes people try to expose crazy people because they want some revenge. In this situation, I just chose to fade away and ignore her. She's crazy so she'll inevitably expose herself as she has been. It's almost unbelievable.

[Mumra]

Because he has self-respect, and compassion. Most people only have one.

 

Two character elements that repel Narcissism. Thanks.