Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 24, 2018 Author Posted July 24, 2018 He says he's not ready for a relationship. What's he's really saying is: "I'm not ready to be in a relationship, with you." Hard truth. Right now you want to feel like you can show him you're moving on by sending him a letter. That is you wanting your self-respect back, at least in my eyes. However, look at it objectively: If you send that letter, does he stand to gain? Yes. You just gave him attention. You just gave him a heads up. If you just go NC without sending it, does he stand to gain? No. But you do. This is real self-respect, and he will sense it. He will continue to reach out to you until you cut him off from his narcissistic supply - your attention. According to his recent social media posts (I know, I know. Slap myself on the wrist.), it doesn't seem he's really looking for a relationship at all right now. He's been posting screenshots of the "funny" dating app conversations where he just derails the conversation to be funny, and obviously the women just end the convo. I don't know if he is projecting or what, or why he is trolling these women in this way. I was sad initially to find him back on the apps, but now his intentions seem kind of weird. He seems to like the attention from his friends anyway. Probably what's motivating him. I know what you're saying now, but I'm conflicted. Obviously I won't be the one to reach out. Yet he always finds his way back somehow. I think it drives him a bit batty that I'm not the one texting all up in his business. Well, GOOD. He senses it and he's actually the one that needs me around when he's alone. Why does a part of me think it's a good idea to give him a heads up? It's just boiling inside of me, waiting to be said. Like word vomit. Sure, I could write it down and then burn it. Never send it. But that wouldn't necessarily free me of these thoughts. If I say it, then I never have to say it again and can move on knowing I stayed true to my authentic self. I know I don't need to put so much pressure on myself but right now I'm just trying to be the bigger person.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 (edited) According to his recent social media posts (I know, I know. Slap myself on the wrist.), it doesn't seem he's really looking for a relationship at all right now. He's been posting screenshots of the "funny" dating app conversations where he just derails the conversation to be funny, and obviously the women just end the convo. I don't know if he is projecting or what, or why he is trolling these women in this way. I was sad initially to find him back on the apps, but now his intentions seem kind of weird. He seems to like the attention from his friends anyway. Probably what's motivating him. I know what you're saying now, but I'm conflicted. Obviously I won't be the one to reach out. Yet he always finds his way back somehow. I think it drives him a bit batty that I'm not the one texting all up in his business. Well, GOOD. He senses it and he's actually the one that needs me around when he's alone. Why does a part of me think it's a good idea to give him a heads up? It's just boiling inside of me, waiting to be said. Like word vomit. Sure, I could write it down and then burn it. Never send it. But that wouldn't necessarily free me of these thoughts. If I say it, then I never have to say it again and can move on knowing I stayed true to my authentic self. I know I don't need to put so much pressure on myself but right now I'm just trying to be the bigger person. You are not ready to move on. If you're still stalking his social media accounts, you have not fully processed your emotions. Until you get all of the hurt out, your thinking will be faulty. Here's what you CAN do, if you understand that healing is the only way to 1. Feel better and move past this, and 2. Potentially get your ex back (but why would you want to?) 1. Process and feel all of your emotions. You have to let it go. Meditate on your heart area, and imagine the pain seeping out of a little hole. Do not focus on thoughts. They just prolong the pain. Focus on the feeling. Embrace it, dive deeper into the pain. This will speed up the healing process. 2. Anytime you catch yourself thinking about him, stop and redirect your thoughts. I like to think: "No contact, no contact, no contact." This is the healthiest thing for you right now. The more you think about him, the more you will hurt and stew. And somehow, he will sense it when you're over him. People give out emotional vibrations, and at the subconscious level, we're all connected. So trust me, this is a better way to "get him back," if that's what you want. 3. Go out and meet new people. Distract yourself a bit with hobbies and things -other- than stalking his social media. Don't rebound, but give yourself a new perspective. There are many other handsome men. Whatever he's doing on social media does not matter. It. Doesn't. Matter. I wouldn't get back together with him unless he does a full 180 - full apology, remorseful, etc. Like at your doorstep. Otherwise there has been no growth, and he will do it again. One more thing - I promise you, the anger will go away, the boiling feeling will go away, when you SHOW (not tell) him you've gone no contact. SHOW him. Edited July 25, 2018 by ThreeRainbows 1
preraph Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 We tried a few months ago to meet up but he changed his mind, citing it'd be too hard and he wasn't ready to see me in person because he was still attracted to me but didn't want to use me in that way. But he's fine communicating with me at a distance. Probably his way of putting up his own boundaries. He apologized but no, he hasnt asked me to see him since. So what that means is he has already decided you are not the woman he wants to be and stay with long-term. Yes, he's attracted. Men like sex. They like it with a wide variety of women. That doesn't mean anything. He is nice enough that he doesn't want to just use you for sex, but he already knows you are not the woman he's in love with for life, so you need to stop looking at his social media and move on. Good luck. 1
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 So what that means is he has already decided you are not the woman he wants to be and stay with long-term. Yes, he's attracted. Men like sex. They like it with a wide variety of women. That doesn't mean anything. He is nice enough that he doesn't want to just use you for sex, but he already knows you are not the woman he's in love with for life, so you need to stop looking at his social media and move on. Good luck. You have a point and this is something I mulled over last night (because my brain doesn't like to shut up before bedtime). He is comfortable putting up his boundaries about not meeting me right now even as platonic friends... and yet here I am appeasing him and only communicating via text messages, social media, or over a phone call. My actions are screaming, "Oh, you don't want to meet me? That's PERFECTLY FINE. I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. YEAH, LET'S JUST KEEP TEXTING LIKE WE'RE PEN PALS." Meanwhile he's out there playing the field because he thinks I'm OK playing the friend that is around when he's lonely, bored, have a moment of weakness. I understand if he's not ready to see me because it's too hard or makes him uncomfortable with his past decisions. If he's not done sowing his wild oats he'll want to keep seeing a variety of women despite how much he cares about me. But I think I must have been a bit delusional to think that this arrangement was perfectly justified because it suits his feelings better. Basically, I'm more worried about he'll feel when I go NC than what he's done to me, which is way worse since he dumped me. I know it wasn't easy for him and we talked about that quite a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that, yes, I was dumped. I really have a lot of thinking and decision-making to mull over, and whether I'm being a push over by accepting this kind of friendship. Maybe down the road, but right now it's bringing me false hope. How can he even appreciate me if I'm always around? It's true what they say, you don't know what you have until it's GONE. 1
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 You are not ready to move on. If you're still stalking his social media accounts, you have not fully processed your emotions. Until you get all of the hurt out, your thinking will be faulty. Here's what you CAN do, if you understand that healing is the only way to 1. Feel better and move past this, and 2. Potentially get your ex back (but why would you want to?) 1. Process and feel all of your emotions. You have to let it go. Meditate on your heart area, and imagine the pain seeping out of a little hole. Do not focus on thoughts. They just prolong the pain. Focus on the feeling. Embrace it, dive deeper into the pain. This will speed up the healing process. 2. Anytime you catch yourself thinking about him, stop and redirect your thoughts. I like to think: "No contact, no contact, no contact." This is the healthiest thing for you right now. The more you think about him, the more you will hurt and stew. And somehow, he will sense it when you're over him. People give out emotional vibrations, and at the subconscious level, we're all connected. So trust me, this is a better way to "get him back," if that's what you want. 3. Go out and meet new people. Distract yourself a bit with hobbies and things -other- than stalking his social media. Don't rebound, but give yourself a new perspective. There are many other handsome men. Whatever he's doing on social media does not matter. It. Doesn't. Matter. I wouldn't get back together with him unless he does a full 180 - full apology, remorseful, etc. Like at your doorstep. Otherwise there has been no growth, and he will do it again. One more thing - I promise you, the anger will go away, the boiling feeling will go away, when you SHOW (not tell) him you've gone no contact. SHOW him. "Whatever he's doing on social media does not matter. It. Doesn't. Matter." I can't believe I wrote a play by play of what he's doing on social media. For some reason I thought it would explain the situation better... You're right. It doesn't matter. I took it as a personal insult, even if it wasn't intentional, and internalized it. But after reading that I realize that I was so caught up in his antics that it started giving me severe anxiety. I know he knows I have seen those posts but I have not commented on them, and the right thing to do is just to never bring it up UNLESS it actually has to do with me, those other people's conversations are none of my business. I tell my brain to "STOP STOP STOP, Shutupanddance123!" I did this last night before bed when my mind started to wander and think of hypothetical situations. I think imagining what I'll say and do prepares for when it actually happens, but it also leads me down a road where the fantasies keep me disillusioned. I believe the emotional vibrations because I have proof that anytime we stop talking for more than a week he pops up again and is SO VERY INTERESTED in what's happening in life. Seriously, he asks me a million questions. Such a curious cat that one. I really think he's just trying to win my attention and once it's won he gets distracted by other shiny objects. I've been busy with work and school and trying to find my place in the world. I know I am venting here and expressing my thoughts, probably not very well, but I am also seeking professional help. This relationship literally forced me to seek professional help. I even thought about going on a trip just by myself, but I'm going back and forth with it because it was inspired by him when we were together. It's daunting to think I'll plan and go on our trip alone when that wasn't the original intention. Part of me worries I'll just be moping around the entire time, wishing I could turn to someone the share the experience with.
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 So, plan a different trip without him. I have been on at least2 dozen trips alone, and it is so liberating! What is there not to love? Just because you don't share the trip with someone doesn't mean that the memories aren't still happening. It doesn't lessen the moments you experience. Get out and enjoy the moments. Who knows? You may be in a relationship one day and have a much harder time being able to go on a trip alone. Enjoy it now while you have the opportunity! Don't wait for someone else to determine your moments/memories!
ThreeRainbows Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 You seem to be thinking a lot more clearly. You must be processing the emotions well. It's those suppressed heartbreak emotions that cause us to become all wonky. We'll do anything to avoid feeling the pain and get back into the love. Once we feel the pain, the worst is behind us, we can start to think again. Good job. You don't need his friendship. You are not a toy to be played with and then discarded.
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 So, plan a different trip without him. I have been on at least2 dozen trips alone, and it is so liberating! What is there not to love? Just because you don't share the trip with someone doesn't mean that the memories aren't still happening. It doesn't lessen the moments you experience. Get out and enjoy the moments. Who knows? You may be in a relationship one day and have a much harder time being able to go on a trip alone. Enjoy it now while you have the opportunity! Don't wait for someone else to determine your moments/memories! I've never been on a trip on my own before. No one else is available in the time frame I'm thinking of going. It's mostly the fear of the unknown and I'm introverted. I know this doesn't mean I have to be sociable to have a good time, but it definitely helps when I'm with company that I'm comfortable with. Too much alone time makes me feel alone and lonely.
stillafool Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 Do you have any friends who can travel with you?
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 You seem to be thinking a lot more clearly. You must be processing the emotions well. It's those suppressed heartbreak emotions that cause us to become all wonky. We'll do anything to avoid feeling the pain and get back into the love. Once we feel the pain, the worst is behind us, we can start to think again. Good job. You don't need his friendship. You are not a toy to be played with and then discarded. Honestly, it comes in waves. The beginning of the week I was an absolute wreck. Really, I felt so defeated that I cried in my car during lunch break. Yesterday wasn't as bad, and now that I see he's really only doing it to get the "likes" (which, we all know Internet likes mean nothing). I definitely think it's still a bit weird and he musn't be all that happy with himself if he's turning to social media to get this kind of attention and praise. Oh well. Hopefully by the end of the week I can get it together and discuss everything with my therapist about my options on how to heal myself.
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 Do you have any friends who can travel with you? I've asked but there's either the issue of time or money so no, no one is available.
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I've never been on a trip on my own before. No one else is available in the time frame I'm thinking of going. It's mostly the fear of the unknown and I'm introverted. I know this doesn't mean I have to be sociable to have a good time, but it definitely helps when I'm with company that I'm comfortable with. Too much alone time makes me feel alone and lonely. I am an extreme introvert. Time off and money were always reasons people I knew couldn't go with me either, and I figured why wait for them to live my life? Why wait for anyone? Why wait for a partner to do it now? Best thing I could have ever decided for myself!! Not being with someone else doesn't take away all the interest and beauty out there to enjoy. I hope you try it. 2
ThreeRainbows Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 I've never been on a trip on my own before. No one else is available in the time frame I'm thinking of going. It's mostly the fear of the unknown and I'm introverted. I know this doesn't mean I have to be sociable to have a good time, but it definitely helps when I'm with company that I'm comfortable with. Too much alone time makes me feel alone and lonely. It is so so healthy to get out of our comfort zones. Think of this as a challenge for you to undertake. It will help you grow! And, that lonely feeling you're talking about? That's interfering with your relationships. It keeps you attracted to people who are not healthy, and causes emotional dependence in the relationship. When you feel that way, the best thing you could do for yourself is to sit with the feeling. Embrace it. It will get better! 1
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Posted July 25, 2018 It is so so healthy to get out of our comfort zones. Think of this as a challenge for you to undertake. It will help you grow! And, that lonely feeling you're talking about? That's interfering with your relationships. It keeps you attracted to people who are not healthy, and causes emotional dependence in the relationship. When you feel that way, the best thing you could do for yourself is to sit with the feeling. Embrace it. It will get better! I think have co-depedent tendencies, not only in romantic but also platonic relationships. I always had things to do, places to go, and people to go with when I was younger. Then one of my main sources of support moved away and I became somewhat of a recluse. Only within the last few years have I tried putting myself out there and being vulnerable. So of course when people take advantage of that, or aren't self aware enough to know what it is they want, it feels like it hits me way harder because I am invested and don't take those kind of relationships for granted. I'm sensitive in the way, I guess. It's taken me years of putting myself out there, often times being uncomfortable in so called "normal" situations, and I've learned quite a bit from it. 1
preraph Posted July 25, 2018 Posted July 25, 2018 You have a point and this is something I mulled over last night (because my brain doesn't like to shut up before bedtime). He is comfortable putting up his boundaries about not meeting me right now even as platonic friends... and yet here I am appeasing him and only communicating via text messages, social media, or over a phone call. My actions are screaming, "Oh, you don't want to meet me? That's PERFECTLY FINE. I'M TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. YEAH, LET'S JUST KEEP TEXTING LIKE WE'RE PEN PALS." Meanwhile he's out there playing the field because he thinks I'm OK playing the friend that is around when he's lonely, bored, have a moment of weakness. I understand if he's not ready to see me because it's too hard or makes him uncomfortable with his past decisions. If he's not done sowing his wild oats he'll want to keep seeing a variety of women despite how much he cares about me. But I think I must have been a bit delusional to think that this arrangement was perfectly justified because it suits his feelings better. Basically, I'm more worried about he'll feel when I go NC than what he's done to me, which is way worse since he dumped me. I know it wasn't easy for him and we talked about that quite a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that, yes, I was dumped. I really have a lot of thinking and decision-making to mull over, and whether I'm being a push over by accepting this kind of friendship. Maybe down the road, but right now it's bringing me false hope. How can he even appreciate me if I'm always around? It's true what they say, you don't know what you have until it's GONE. Whether you can be friends really depends on how painful that is for you and whether you can move on or if it will just keep you involved enough to wait and hope, which would be a mistake. He's made a conscious decision you're not the one. Now, what I do advise you start immediately is dating other guys. This will cheer you up a little and distract you so it's easier to let him go if you need to. I wouldn't be surprised if it makes him jealous, but that also doesn't mean much. It's "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you," which is all too common. It's happened to me quite a lot. Sometimes you get a spike in interest, but it doesn't last long-term and will just mess up getting serious with other guys if you don't see it for what it is. 1
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Posted July 26, 2018 (edited) Whether you can be friends really depends on how painful that is for you and whether you can move on or if it will just keep you involved enough to wait and hope, which would be a mistake. He's made a conscious decision you're not the one. Now, what I do advise you start immediately is dating other guys. This will cheer you up a little and distract you so it's easier to let him go if you need to. I wouldn't be surprised if it makes him jealous, but that also doesn't mean much. It's "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you," which is all too common. It's happened to me quite a lot. Sometimes you get a spike in interest, but it doesn't last long-term and will just mess up getting serious with other guys if you don't see it for what it is. I really don't mean to harp on this, and you guys can take out the pitchforks on me if you want. But I had mentally been preparing myself the past few days in case I needed to send a message of no contact if he did contact me. So far it's been a few days and I haven't heard from him. Last week he practically messaged me every day. Curiosity got the best of me, so I went to check what new posts he had up. Not only did he remove ALL of his followers including friends and family and me, but he changed his profile picture to a random picture and made his account private. I can still see from his post count that's public that he didn't remove the photos. But now he sits at 0 followers. I just thought this was SUPER weird. He only had a few dozen people following him to begin with. I KNOW, I KNOW. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT HE DOES ON SOCIAL MEDIA. He initially only made it to share vacation pictures. But am I the only one that thinks after posting his shenanigans on dating websites he all of a sudden does a 180* and removes everyone and goes private? Perhaps I'll never know. I've tried talking to other men, but as soon as they propose a date my walls go WAY up. I retreat and can't do it and essentially just log off and leave it alone. I guess this means I'm not ready yet, even if I know going on one date doesn't mean I have to commit to anyone right away. Again, the attention from other guys can be nice but it's fleeting. They are there one minute, gone the next. I just end up comparing them to my ex OR thinking how long it'll take to date them before they break it off...Even if I'm totally upfront with being casual and not ready for anything serious since I'm coming off from a break up. I don't think that's fair to them either... Edited July 26, 2018 by ShutUpAndDance123
CantTakeMySmile Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 Yes, I agree that it sounds like you are not ready to date. There is no hurry, so just wait until you are! You will be at some point. No need to rush it.
stillafool Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 You are definitely not ready to date other men but you do need to find something else to keep you so busy you don't have time to think about your ex. He is moving on.
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Posted July 26, 2018 Yes, I agree that it sounds like you are not ready to date. There is no hurry, so just wait until you are! You will be at some point. No need to rush it. You are definitely not ready to date other men but you do need to find something else to keep you so busy you don't have time to think about your ex. He is moving on. I'm pretty sure it's just a futile attempt to not be lonely. I know there isn't a timeline to this but it's definitely chipping away at me and I feel bad for even trying to date.
preraph Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 It sounds like he got tired of having to deal with things. you don't have to get serious with someone right now but it just doesn't hurt to stay real social so that you don't just have your mind on looking backwards all the time because that gets to be a really bad habit. Good luck.
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Posted July 27, 2018 It sounds like he got tired of having to deal with things. you don't have to get serious with someone right now but it just doesn't hurt to stay real social so that you don't just have your mind on looking backwards all the time because that gets to be a really bad habit. Good luck. Quite possible he got tired with dealing or maintaining the page. His behavior, at times, is inconsistent. That's what I remember from our relationship... how he would be so hot. Couldn't get enough of each other. Making plans in advance. Asking me to go on short trips to meet friends. Other times he would be ice cold. Would cancel on me because he wasn't feeling up to it. Putting up hard boundaries. Being short with me when I would ask how he was doing. It made me feel pretty terrible because all I wanted to do was support him when he was going through a tough time. Little did I know part of that reason had to do with me, and there wasn't anything I could've said or done to rectify it. Thanks. I just don't feel motivated to do anything right now and it's a horrible place to be in. I know the only thing left to do is move forward and stop re-living the past. But I feel stuck in limbo. I don't have the kind of social support he has, so it has been tougher for me to truly move on and see that the world is still ripe with opportunities if I remove these rose colored glasses. Right now it feels like the clock for me has stopped. Happiness is not anywhere near here. Even though he liked me, I could even sense at times he wanted out and even he COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY he wanted out. At least in the end I got a reason. I should be so lucky. Others get ghosted and never receive an answer. But I don't feel so lucky. The inconsistency really tired me out and played with my emotional strings. I always felt like I was walking on egg shells around him. Any kind of conflict would make him retreat. I was always BURNING myself to keep him WARM.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 27, 2018 Posted July 27, 2018 If it's any consolation, I'm right there with you with the "walls up" thing. It's been a while since my ex dumped me now, and I thought I was ready to move on. Surely am over him, but there's this new fear. This guy asked to date, and my walls went way up. I rejected him, and then came around again, then rejected him, then came around... think he's lost interest now, lol. It's like I'm afraid he'll break my heart like the last guy. What do we do about this? 1
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted July 30, 2018 Author Posted July 30, 2018 If it's any consolation, I'm right there with you with the "walls up" thing. It's been a while since my ex dumped me now, and I thought I was ready to move on. Surely am over him, but there's this new fear. This guy asked to date, and my walls went way up. I rejected him, and then came around again, then rejected him, then came around... think he's lost interest now, lol. It's like I'm afraid he'll break my heart like the last guy. What do we do about this? I'm the same way. It's like any guy I had talked to, despite showing positive attributes, I just couldn't remove this generalization that all guys will eventually have wandering eyes and leave. I know not all men are like this, but I've had a history of break ups where this very premonition happened. Could be my choice in men.... But I have very hard boundaries in the beginning. It's only after we've spent time together that I start to open up a bit. They convince me this is something special. Expressing some vulnerable moments a bit at a time. But the ones that were so open at first eventually put their walls up, and pull away without communicating, which IME always leads to a breakup. It's just tiring and keeps happening. At this point an amicable break up would be a welcome change. I haven't checked his social media as often the past few days. I still don't have an answer for when and if he reaches. The stop start stop s.h.i.t makes me regress. But I've been advised to write a no send letter with everything I always wanted to say but didn't, because I didn't want to rock the boat.
Author ShutUpAndDance123 Posted August 1, 2018 Author Posted August 1, 2018 I really appreciate the responses to my first post. I have this continued dilemma and wonder how I should approach this. Haven't spoken to my ex in over a week. He broke up with me a few months ago. Contact is light at times, heavy at other times. Few weeks ago he went on vacation and made a social media page to post his pictures. After a week of posting he suddenly made it private and removed all of his followers including myself. It was weird but I didn't acknowledge it with him. I was also distraught to find out through his social media that he's clearly also moved on and is dating others. I didn't acknowledge that either, though I'm sure he's aware that I saw it. He texted me last night, when he knew I'd probably be sleeping, and asked to catch up tomorrow. Well, I only saw that text this morning. I know this is a cycle I need to break. He pops up randomly when he feels like chatting so we chat and catch up. I'm cordial, we crack a few jokes and that's that's that. Like normal friends do... Except the problem is I still have feelings for him and cannot be his friend right now. Especially since I felt terrible the entire week after finding out he was on dating sites again. I need to be kind but firm... how do I tell him I need him to limit his contact. His messages are never about meeting up or wanting me back. His life is currently in flux and so he is only open to casual dating anyway. Pretty sure he thinks I'm doing fine as a friend but I'm not. If we catch up once in a while I'm OK, it doesn't deter me too much... but sometimes he'll reach out every day for a week then disappear and that kind of behavior sets me back. Makes me think the situation is something it's not.
ThreeRainbows Posted August 1, 2018 Posted August 1, 2018 I really appreciate the responses to my first post. I have this continued dilemma and wonder how I should approach this. Haven't spoken to my ex in over a week. He broke up with me a few months ago. Contact is light at times, heavy at other times. Few weeks ago he went on vacation and made a social media page to post his pictures. After a week of posting he suddenly made it private and removed all of his followers including myself. It was weird but I didn't acknowledge it with him. I was also distraught to find out through his social media that he's clearly also moved on and is dating others. I didn't acknowledge that either, though I'm sure he's aware that I saw it. He texted me last night, when he knew I'd probably be sleeping, and asked to catch up tomorrow. Well, I only saw that text this morning. I know this is a cycle I need to break. He pops up randomly when he feels like chatting so we chat and catch up. I'm cordial, we crack a few jokes and that's that's that. Like normal friends do... Except the problem is I still have feelings for him and cannot be his friend right now. Especially since I felt terrible the entire week after finding out he was on dating sites again. I need to be kind but firm... how do I tell him I need him to limit his contact. His messages are never about meeting up or wanting me back. His life is currently in flux and so he is only open to casual dating anyway. Pretty sure he thinks I'm doing fine as a friend but I'm not. If we catch up once in a while I'm OK, it doesn't deter me too much... but sometimes he'll reach out every day for a week then disappear and that kind of behavior sets me back. Makes me think the situation is something it's not. Block him. It's really the best thing for you. 2
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