He wants and find himself ; he feels he has issues

[sneezy]

Hello everybody,

it s been a month since I ve been dumped in the "nicest" way. I ve had a 3 years relationship with a guy who is also my coworker..I now, not cool. We dated for 1 year and moved in for another 2 years..even got a puppy. We were very very much in love and still love each other.

 

Sure, we had our fights like any other couple but we always managed to work it out and keep our connection. We were very close ..even with our families and we also went on family holidays every summer and winter. His parents adore me and I know he still cares for us. The break up was out of the blue..he went hiking with his brother, was not feeling himself lately because of some issues at work and some little fight we had just before the trip. He said he needs time to think about him and us. After he got back he said he need to be alone for a while, he doesn't like himself anymore and has issues with himself (did some bad things and said some bad things due to alcohol) .

 

It came out of the blue for me and I said to him that I will respect his decision and that I hope he will be better and that indeed he has some drinking pb (not big, but unconformable for me and that is why we got into discussions over the years..) I took my puppy and moved out the same day he said he wants to be alone. He said he loves me but doesn't like himself. I suspected he meet someone but since our break up he is single..and I know for sure because we have a lot of common friends. He went jogging and lives alone in our ap.

 

In this month I met someone..very nice and he really likes me. We went for 2 or 3 dates and I told him everything that is happening and he is very caring and has a lot of patience. He told me he will be my friend in this time of my life. I went full no contact with my ex but he keeps asking me to see the dog , to take him for walks. I know he misses the dog but it s hard for me to see him..We never had any other conversations about us and I never asked him anything.

 

I moved to another ap with my dog and we started a new life just the 2 of us. I still miss him and love him, but Im not sure I could get over this. I understand he has his issues but the way it came out of nowhere is making me have big trust issues.. My friends tell me to forget about him and move on and I am trying ..I jog, go out , date and try to take care of myself.

 

I now he wants to be alone and I never begged or cried ..I just told him I will give him space and I hope he will be better. What I dont understand is why he keeps asking me to see the dog, to borrow him the stuff he need around the house..he calls me to ask about bills..i know it s platonic stuff but I told him not to contact me because it will make things a lot harder...

 

today it s been a month since our break up, are there any chances that he will realize what we had? ..we were really happy in love..he said he wants to be the men I deserve..is he just a liar..? is this an excuse? ..

Edited July 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Believe it or not most people who are pet parents miss their pet terribly when a break up takes place. To some it is akin to being separated from a child so that is why he misses the puppy dog.

 

You are doing right by going NC with him if he asks for space. I guess he needs to work out the bills since it's only been 1 month after break up so he needed to contact you. Next month you shouldn't have this problem. To prevent him from contacting you Block him so you don't have to worry about hearing from him. If he's dumped you and it's been over a month and he hasn't tried to get you back it doesn't look like he will. I would just be prepared to go it alone if I were you.

[sneezy]

hello,

this is exactly what im doing, the thing is I told him the dog is at new ap and he can pick it up if he wants because I know he misses him , I told him he can take the key from my mailbox and leave it after he takes the dog, because I dont want to have contact with him right now. He said he can wait until I get home (10 pm) ...I had a discussion with him and asked him if he wants to take the dog every month for 2...3 days, he said no. I dont understand hie behavior..We broke up 1 month ago and he never told his parents..his parents ask about me weekly and he says Im busy. I begged him to talk to him family because Im afraid I will run into them and I dont know how to behave. It s not fair for me to have him calling me anytime he wants to see the dog and if I give him an option to take him for walks he wont take it..I told him yesterday it s not ok and I said I also need time to move on and meet other people (I mentioned not guys ) but generally I also have to move on with my life. He said he will respect my decision but today he wrote me an email with some work related subject. I wasn't important and wasnt even my task..I never replied. I dont understand, he said he wants to be alone..its not fair for me.

[d0nnivain]

No he is not going to realize what he lost -- you -- upon breaking up. His "issues" are that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with you but was searching for a kind way to gently break that to you. He does miss your dog. So you either have to deny him the right to see the dog, give him the dog or put up with having to see him periodically.

[sneezy]

thank you for the answers, he just reached out to me 2 hours ago, admitting he feels like he did a big mistake and wants us to work on our relationship becuse he misses me and wants me to return home..I knew this will come and that s why I needed some advices but people around here only assume that men lie or dont care and want to break up. Honestly I wont return to this relationship right now.. even if I still truly love him, but it s clear to me that he doesnt know what he wants and has some issues..I dont trust his judgement anymore and feel that something did break between us..I was pretty hurt and managed tot stay positive and strong..For the moment I m better off..thanks for the answers. Have a great day

[d0nnivain]

I don't assume that men lie. I simply prefer not to take back people who break my heart. After 3 years this guy has done 2 about faces on you in a very short period of time which cost you both money & heart ache. How can you trust him not to do it again? You don't upend somebody's living situation on a whim, then say oops I made a mistake I want to get back together. I'm glad that him coming back makes you happy but seriously, I don't understand why you are willing to believe a word this guy says. Seems to me he can't make up his own mind. Plus whatever was wrong hasn't been addressed, let alone resolved so what is the point of going back? How is anything improved / different?

[sneezy]

I am not glad he came back because it makes things harder..and also said I dont want to return to this relationship because he is messed up..can never trust him again.. so I strongly agree with you ..