Love Yourself Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 (edited) Hello, I was dumped by girlfriend of 4 years at beginning of June. Had the engagement ring hidden away, ready for the offering this summer. She knew it was coming because she told me which ring she wanted. I have not allowed her to see me ever again since the day she left. We texted a few things like moving out logistics but I did not text anything along the lines of how she broke my heart or how I couldn't sleep for most of June. I returned the ring last month for a fraction of the cost. The first 6 weeks of this breakup was hell, I could not figure out where my life was going. I have been doing great for the past few weeks and have really stopped giving a f what anyone thinks about me and just focusing on exercise, hobbies, intellectual development, etc. I am a very educated person with many interests and I have finally discovered meaning in my life. Maybe I will go into some of the things I've learned at another time. Tonight I was just thinking about the ex and how I never gave her my side of the story. I wrote a text/note that I may send someday or if she wishes me a happy birthday in August: Hi [ex]. I hope you're doing good. I just wanted to let you know that I am truly grateful for you bailing on us when you did. Thank you for not making me go through a divorce or taking my money or possibly my kids. I respect you for that. It was a good time in my life being with you and your family. Life goes on. Better times are always ahead. Edited July 23, 2018 by Love Yourself
Rockdad Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 I would say don't send anything anymore for any reason.
Author Love Yourself Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 Why not? I couldn't care less how she responds.
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Why not? I couldn't care less how she responds. Don't kid yourself. Of COURSE you care otherwise you wouldn't send it in the first place. 1
Author Love Yourself Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 Lol literally do not care. I genuinely want to thank her for making my life better.
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Lol literally do not care. I genuinely want to thank her for making my life better. Why? What do you expect to gain from it? My question is designed to make you THINK. Realize you're still obsessing over this woman. You need to get to the point where she never crosses your mind and you'll come to the conclusion that sending her ANY form of communication is not worth your time, effort, and emotional energy.
Author Love Yourself Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 I hope to educate a woman so that she doesn't f up some other guy's life.
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 I hope to educate a woman so that she doesn't f up some other guy's life. You're very altruistic. The world needs more guys like you.
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 You nailed it Normm. Perhaps when you're done educating her, you can go around giving motivational speeches to other women who need educating.
ThreeRainbows Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Writing is an awesome way to get out your feelings. Don't send it. I know you say you don't care, but it does seem that deep down you do. But also that you're growing stronger. This is good progress. You want to regain your self-respect. By sending that letter, you will lose respect in her eyes further, and in the long run, you'll feel worse. Best course of action? Stay NC. If she ever sends you a text or anything, delete it, ignore it, NC NC NC. THAT will feel like victory for you, because now you got the chance to reject her behavior. That will validate your self-respect much moreso than this letter. Good luck. 2
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 By sending that letter, you will lose respect in her eyes further, and in the long run, you'll feel worse. This THE main reason a dumpee should never contact the dumper. Even if they've got themselves convinced it will somehow make the world a better place.
Blanco Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 I mean, you know better than us how you feel, but if I read that sarcastic and passive aggressive note without context, I would think it was written by someone who's puffing out their chest to compensate for the hurt they're (maybe rightfully) feeling. 1
Gretchen12 Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 I'm not against sending her a letter but don't send that one. It's not smartly written. Sorry to say, if a guy I dumped had sent me that letter, it might illicit a smile or snort. It is a little bit funny in a cringy way. If you want her to feel bad, try a different angle. But maybe you're not mean enough? Then maybe don't try.
WinterRose Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Writing is an awesome way to get out your feelings. Don't send it. I know you say you don't care, but it does seem that deep down you do. But also that you're growing stronger. This is good progress. You want to regain your self-respect. By sending that letter, you will lose respect in her eyes further, and in the long run, you'll feel worse. Best course of action? Stay NC. If she ever sends you a text or anything, delete it, ignore it, NC NC NC. THAT will feel like victory for you, because now you got the chance to reject her behavior. That will validate your self-respect much moreso than this letter. Good luck. I agree with this comment. In the moment, it could feel good telling someone off. I feel like a day (heck, even an hour) later you'll probably regret it. Be the stronger, more caring person and hold back from sending that note. If you didn't care, you wouldn't send the message. You must be looking for some kind of response from her. If she doesn't reply (which happened to me with my ex-boyfriend), you may feel tempted to reach out more, which may only set your healing progress back (also happened to me). Your victory will come when you can show you are the best person you can be. Maybe then, when you have completely moved on, she will realize how stupid she was for giving you up.
springy Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I hope to educate a woman so that she doesn't f up some other guy's life. Ah! You’ve hit the angry stage. She did stop before she ruined your life, right? No need to educate her on that subject. I can appreciate how brief & to the point that message was; I totally expected a book. I think you are progressing well and that you should not give her the gift of contact. Just 100% silence! Hang in there. 1
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