mejustme Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 (edited) Why is it that something can feel so great, but be so wrong. Loving more than one. BF and I have been on again off again for the last 5 years. I met another guy in between breakups. BF and I have been back together since this past December. OM and I have know each other for 1 year. I love my BF very much, but I don’t think I am in love with him anymore. Our break up in September was a doozy . I left and didn’t return as I have in the past. This last fight was a terrible one over my time or lack there of for him. Long story short, he wasn’t spending every Friday night on the football field where my son played football and my daughter cheered. I was done at that very minute. I went total NC for almost 4 months. First time I’d ever done that. And this was the first time he came back begging and pleading. Problem is, I was seeing the OM and I haven’t stopped seeing him. My feelings are growing more and more for him and I enjoy him. I don’t know what to do here. Any sound and non judgmental advise would certainly help. Please and thanks Edited July 23, 2018 by mejustme
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Why is it that something can feel so great, but be so wrong. Loving more than one. BF and I have been on again off again for the last 5 years. I met another guy in between breakups. BF and I have been back together since this past December. OM and I have know each other for 1 year. I love my BF very much, but I don’t think I am in love with him anymore. Our break up in September was a doozy . I left and didn’t return as I have in the past. This last fight was a terrible one over my time or lack there of for him. Long story short, he wasn’t spending every Friday night on the football field where my son played football and my daughter cheered. I was done at that very minute. I went total NC for almost 4 months. First time I’d ever done that. And this was the first time he came back begging and pleading. Problem is, I was seeing the OM and I haven’t stopped seeing him. My feelings are growing more and more for him and I enjoy him. I don’t know what to do here. Any sound and non judgmental advise would certainly help. Please and thanks It doesn't seem like much of a contest to me... You say that you are not in love with your boyfriend any more and you are clearly interested in the new guy. But, it's not really fair to your boyfriend, as you should be evaluating that relationship without the influence of the new man. It's hard to make an accurate assessment or consider the future of a relationship when you judgment is clouded by another relationship - particularly when it is an elicit affair that has all the excitement of a new relationship (your boyfriend can't possibly compete). The thing that concerns me most is actually the fact that you have said your relationship has been in again/off again for five years. Healthy relationships are generally not on again/off again... I would be concerned about what affect this kind of relationship has on your children (assuming they have a relationship with this man). I'm also curious how you find time to manage two children and their activities, and relationships with two different men. Perhaps, it would be wise not to be dating anyone for a while... to spend time with your children and figure out what you want for your life... 1
sandylee1 Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 End it with your BF and focus on the other relationship. I reckon you and the BF have reached the end of the road. It'll be much less stress not having to lie. 1
Author mejustme Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 It doesn't seem like much of a contest to me... You say that you are not in love with your boyfriend any more and you are clearly interested in the new guy. But, it's not really fair to your boyfriend, as you should be evaluating that relationship without the influence of the new man. It's hard to make an accurate assessment or consider the future of a relationship when you judgment is clouded by another relationship - particularly when it is an elicit affair that has all the excitement of a new relationship (your boyfriend can't possibly compete). The thing that concerns me most is actually the fact that you have said your relationship has been in again/off again for five years. Healthy relationships are generally not on again/off again... I would be concerned about what affect this kind of relationship has on your children (assuming they have a relationship with this man). I'm also curious how you find time to manage two children and their activities, and relationships with two different men. Perhaps, it would be wise not to be dating anyone for a while... to spend time with your children and figure out what you want for your life... Thank you for your honesty. I agree that I need time to focus on what I want and need. Please note that I spend a bunch of time with my children and I do not go on dates and such while they are home with me. I chose to have my dates on nights that they are with their father. Also, please note my children are 15 and 17...they don’t want to spend too much time with any parent at this age.
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 he came back begging and pleading. Problem is, I was seeing the OM The problem isn't really the OM. When you dump someone and they come back pleading it's already run it's course. Why would you go back to such a person if you've already decided it's best for you to move on? Do you try again simply because they're desperate and they're begging you to stay with them? That's not a solid foundation for a relationship. It's pitiful. You're not doing either one of you any good. It's going to end for sure, and all you're doing is stringing them along which is far more painful in the long run than holding firm on your decision which was made for good reason.
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