Shining One Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I am tired of the disappointments. There are nothing but left, right and sideways. It's probably why I am in the state I am in, feel like I'm broken in a million little pieces from all the self esteem blows I have taken. Trying to put them back together but ... It's been so hard.You need to work on this. Not every thing should be a blow to your self esteem. This guy simply isn't compatible with you. That's not even a rejection. 3
Versacehottie Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 You need to work on this. Not every thing should be a blow to your self esteem. This guy simply isn't compatible with you. That's not even a rejection. Agreed ^^^^ OP, what I would say is you need to work on how you characterize things because for everyone that influences what conclusions and beliefs are created about yourself for yourself. This guy didn't have intentions to "date" so it is far from a failure and certainly not a rejection. That's why I recommended that you outright verbally or over message reject him and say you are looking for different things, bye. Knowing where YOU draw the line and not handing over your self esteem to some guy who never was a serious prospect. If you were talking about someone who rejected you after 5 or more dates, ok then that I can see would be a blow to how you feel about yourself. So practice characterize events more in line with the reality that is in front of you. In this case, one way to characterize this sequence of events is: a) Friend told me her OLD dating story which encouraged me to try bumble and try meeting people that way. (I'm persistent, put myself out there, and take advantage of opportunities & find a way to get back up after previous disappointments, the act of doing this shows that I have hope, I'm hopeful). b) one of the first guys i match with is confusing. I can't tell exactly what he wants but it seems like sexting or just hooking up. That's not why I'm here (I have boundaries, I have standards, I'm BETTER than this, we are on different pages, I know how to move on to get what I want). c) momentarily feel bad about this guy, i had been somewhat excited about him (this is just life, this is just the process of weeding through people to get to good people, what he does doesn't reflect on who I am especially in such an obvious case, I wasn't even a factor in the way he acted, i'm fairly sure he does that with all the people he matches with, I'm not interested in that) Hasn't happened yet but would recommend d) keep trying and move on (i am still hopeful about meeting the right guy for me, at the same times it's not the only thing that makes me me, there are xyz and so on, I am much more than who decides to date me, a guy needs to show he is worthy of my time and attention, glad i only wasted 10 minutes and a day afterward on that one, maybe i will try some activities to balance out how i might meet some guys since OLD/bumble has a more detached nature to it) Those are just some potential examples. When something doesn't go your way, you need to find a way to minimize it and not turn it into your whole world and your whole existence--especially in this case. Reality: you cannot believe your romantic life is f*cked because some guy just out for pix spent 5 minutes trying to get them from you and now you have no dating options, nothing will ever work out for you, like EVER. See where your head goes and how damaging it is to you. Think of how that story would be if you told it in a humorous manner. You need a shift in perspective and your perspective on life will change. My friends and I laugh hysterically over these attempts by guys. They are funny and pathetic on the guy not you. Doesn't mean they won't try or that it won't happen again. Take it with a grain of salt. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I am tired of the disappointments. There are nothing but left, right and sideways. It's probably why I am in the state I am in, feel like I'm broken in a million little pieces from all the self esteem blows I have taken. Trying to put them back together but ... It's been so hard. I feel sad to hear you say this. If I was 100% honest, I can tell that's how you felt for a long while in posting here. So maybe you need a break from dating. Take the pressure off yourself. I really think you need to work on yourself because you do go to a dark place about dating. Maybe don't need the break but can work on changing how you view the world, catastrophize things or have black and white thinking. If your self-esteem is in pieces (i would agree that is how it comes across as fragile), you should find ways to build it up. I don't think you will find that in the attention of a guy. It's something you give yourself and believe in yourself. I get that it's hard and hard to keep going. I strongly believe that it is hard to attract the best person for you when you are not your best self. Internally and externally. Even if you are doing ok externally, you cannot hide the internal from people for long--consequently drawing the wrong sort of people toward you, bottom feeders You want love so you've got to keep trying (when ready) and do it in some different ways rather than the same ways that haven't work. that's not all on you but it's changing the actual ways you date people, your thought processes, your choices in who to date, etc. Work on the formula, it needs some tinkering. My honest observation is that the biggest thing you could do that would help your outcomes is to work on your negative thinking, which could come off toward others as bitter, hopeless, cynical and that you have a low personal opinion of yourself. This is not to say you are a broken person or that something is "wrong" with you. But i also think it's important to send out a message that attracts people to you and gets you a wide net of possible people. Having hope and belief in yourself will shine out if you improve on it. Good luck & hang in there.
brigit87 Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I've never sent a dic pic though. Sad that THIS is considered good manners. 1
hotpotato Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 If I told every potential date what I honestly wanted to do to them, I would never have sex. It's funny, with many gf's I've said "How would you react if I said I wanted to do X,Y,Z on our first date?" after I just did it. They all said they would slap me/run. Most women don't want brutal honesty. I've had many say they were surprised we had sex so soon with me. I'm sure it wouldn't have happened if I said that was my plan. I've never sent a dic pic though. I'd rather them run than be stuck in a hairy situation. Trust me, i've been in them. Some of us value honesty and not just randomly whipping it out. 2018 men who don't send dick pics are a catch. How sad. 1
nospam99 Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 2018 men who don't send dick pics are a catch. How sad. LOL Then why was I dateless Friday night? Oh ... wait. It was because my date was Saturday. Oh - then why am I currently dateless this Friday. Oh ... wait. Dungeons and Dragons night. Then why am I currently dateless NEXT Friday? Maybe the grass in already greener. I guess I'll continue keeping 'it' in my pants or at least not send any pix of it.
brigit87 Posted July 24, 2018 Posted July 24, 2018 I guess I'll continue keeping 'it' in my pants or at least not send any pix of it. Good idea. Maybe OLD is not the way to go if you want anything other than cheap sex.
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