BaileyB Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 1. Why is it constantly down to me to draw boundaries why can’t she? 2. It’s not always a bad choice I’ve got into bed with friends before and other people I’d never have sex with I’m going to be blunt... 1. YOU are responsible for your own behaviour - always. If your friend decides to rob a bank and you go along with it, how far do you think you will get in the court of law when your defence is “But he said it was ok. Why do I need to be the one to say “No. I don’t think this is a good decision.”” 2. Why are you sleeping in a bed with women that you are not dating/in a sexual relationship? It’s immature and irresponsible - particularly if you have been drinking. I have to say, I think my 10 year old niece has better judgment, and is more mature and more responsible. I don’t mean to be unkind or disrespectful, but grow up! 1
Author Gaylehannah Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 I’m going to be blunt... 1. YOU are responsible for your own behaviour - always. If your friend decides to rob a bank and you go along with it, how far do you think you will get in the court of law when your defence is “But he said it was ok. Why do I need to be the one to say “No. I don’t think this is a good decision.”” 2. Why are you sleeping in a bed with women that you are not dating/in a sexual relationship? It’s immature and irresponsible - particularly if you have been drinking. I have to say, I think my 10 year old niece has better judgment, and is more mature and more responsible. I don’t mean to be unkind or disrespectful, but grow up! Why is sleeping in a bed with another girl irresponsible if she’s my friend
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Why is sleeping in a bed with another girl irresponsible if she’s my friend Because you are a boy. And she is a girl, who has feelings for you. Add some alcohol, and hands start to wander... judgment is impaired... next thing you know, she thinks you are her boyfriend or she is pregnant with your child. Seriously, what makes you think that it’s a good idea to sleep in bed with a woman who is not your girlfriend?
alphamale Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 ...why does this happen when we’ve had a drink? because you're secretly gay?? 1
Author Gaylehannah Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 because you're secretly gay?? I know 100% I’m not gay I like men too much
ElKay Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 If you had a boyfriend and find out he likes to sleep in bed with a woman and spoon with her, you'll be alright with it? Try to put it in another perspective and you'll see it's not a "friend" thing when one of you is attracted sexually to the other.
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Because you are a boy. And she is a girl, who has feelings for you. Add some alcohol, and hands start to wander... judgment is impaired... next thing you know, she thinks you are her boyfriend or she is pregnant with your child. Seriously, what makes you think that it’s a good idea to sleep in bed with a woman who is not your girlfriend? Lol. For some reason, I thought you were a guy... So pregnancy is not a worry then... Ah, well then... I have most certainly slept in beds when traveling with my friends. Never once, have we held hands or cuddled. That fact that she is a lesbian and attracted to you makes it even more obvious why you should not be sleeping in the same bed with her... It's like playing with fire... Somebody is going to get burned.
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 So I became friends with a girl about 8 months ago now and found out she is gay I have no issues with that I also found out she has feelings for me when she told me this I told her I had no problem being friends with her but nothing more would ever happen, yet somehow whenever we get drunk we always ending up holdin hands and if she ever stayed at my house she would sleep in my bed and would end up spooning me or leaving her hand on my thigh and at times I will do this to her too. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to lead her on or anything but also if I’m straight why does this happen when we’ve had a drink? Thank you She could be bisexual and not except it. I believe peop,e full across the spectrum of colors where one end is pure homosexual and other end is pure heterosexual and most fall in between and how there fall depends on nature and experiences. She could have a relationship with you if she would understand what she wants in a relationship.
act00 Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 This friend of yours is gay and apparently has some feelings for you as well. This immediately puts her in the category of a man in the case of a hetero relationship, when YOU are not interested in a romantic relationship with this person - no cosleeping, no cuddling, no innocent flirtations, no holding hands...no. Period. I've shared a bed with my female friends. I've rolled over to spoon only to realize, this is not my boyfriend/husband, and roll back over. The same has happened to me. People in a platonic relationship do not spoon. We realize our error and roll back over. If you have an attraction, you pretend not to notice...you let these acts continue. I'm going to echo everyone else. YOU are responsible for drawing your own boundaries. YOU are the only one who can draw a clear line -- friends only or more than friends. You, as you claim to be 100% hetero, are leading her on by cuddling with her voluntarily, when you roll over, spoon, and keep your hand on her thigh...this leads her on....and frankly this makes no sense to me as a hetero female, as I can't imagine spooning a female friend or having that level of intimacy...not with a platonic guy friend either, but with a platonic guy friend, the boundaries are more clear...no cosleeping. Boy/Girl=no. You need to draw the line, and understand this could cause her to pull back and fade away, and it will hurt, but I suspect these tipsy nights where she can get a little bit of something...some hope...is what's part of what's keeping her around. When a line is clearly drawn, she may move on, but you can't keep on with this behavior. If you're not interested in her in that way, you don't act in a way that suggests boyfriend/girlfriend, or girlfriend/girlfriend as the case may be. Think of any unwanted advances from anyone in your past life...a customer, a classmate, a coworker, a guy that's crushing on you...do you go along or do you draw a boundary? Do you behave this way with any of your other platonic friends? This woman is no different. If you want her as a friend, treat her as a friend...not a romantic crush or potential girlfriend. No one knows the motivation of your friend, and if she were posting, I think the suggestion would be to give up the ghost, this person isn't interested in her romantically and she needs to accept that and stop behaving in such a way because it's just far too painful and this "friend" of hers is stringing her along. You're the one posting - you have control over this. Simply stop behaviors that suggest any potential of romance.
coolheadal Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 So I became friends with a girl about 8 months ago now and found out she is gay I have no issues with that I also found out she has feelings for me when she told me this I told her I had no problem being friends with her but nothing more would ever happen, yet somehow whenever we get drunk we always ending up holdin hands and if she ever stayed at my house she would sleep in my bed and would end up spooning me or leaving her hand on my thigh and at times I will do this to her too. I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to lead her on or anything but also if I’m straight why does this happen when we’ve had a drink? Thank you How did you meet her? Most people don't just come out and say what they like or don't like. She kept that from you and now you find out she likes you. Your straight and into boys she's not and into the same sex. She's trying to get you into her romantic. You need to figure out what you want in life? Or just tell her no and you mean it. Don't start drinking and going out with her as you going to not get the type of friendship you seek from her. She's after you for love and your after her for a friend.
stillafool Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 Why is sleeping in a bed with another girl irresponsible if she’s my friend Because this girl wants to have sex with you and you say you don't want to have sex with her but somehow your posts aren't relaying this. TBH, you sound like a tease that gets off on this chick wanting you and refuse to do anything about it but ask questions that make no sense.
Gaeta Posted July 23, 2018 Posted July 23, 2018 So, I have not read anywhere if you are enjoying it or not?
Author Gaylehannah Posted September 16, 2018 Author Posted September 16, 2018 So whenever me and my friend get drunk we always end up staying at each others houses and sleeping in the same bed and sometimes this can lead to other things or if she gets drunk she’ll always text me to stay at hers and I do the same. When sober we’d never be like this how come it’s only when we’re drunk? Thank you
MaleIntuition Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 So whenever me and my friend get drunk we always end up staying at each others houses and sleeping in the same bed and sometimes this can lead to other things or if she gets drunk she’ll always text me to stay at hers and I do the same. When sober we’d never be like this how come it’s only when we’re drunk? Thank you Because you are both cowards?
Author Gaylehannah Posted September 16, 2018 Author Posted September 16, 2018 Because you are both cowards? Cowards how?
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 You blame the alcohol for your actions. For certain people drinking makes them horney / amorous. At the time they don't really care who their partner is, they simply want affection. Since you two see each other out after you have been drinking, try getting together sober on a date & see if you have any real, sustainable chemistry.
BaileyB Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 You received many responses in your previous post. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/660661-what-do-i-do
FMW Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 Drinking lowers your inhibitions and you are more likely to do exactly what you want to do.
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2018 Posted September 16, 2018 I don’t get why I’m being portrayed as the bad person here? It’s hard to just completely shut her of from my life she is a good friend of mine. You guys are acting like it’s a nightly thing it only happens when we’ve had a drink. Also 9 out of 10 times it’s her instigating it not me, she knows nothing is ever going to happen between the 2 of us. What’s the harm? 1. Why is it constantly down to me to draw boundaries why can’t she? 2. It’s not always a bad choice I’ve got into bed with friends before and other people I’d never have sex with I know 100% I’m not gay I like men too much Have you considered that you may be bi sexual or that you like the attention? Your friend is grooming you & you are letting her. When you explore she doesn't want you to stop because she wants to have sex with you & is waiting for you to get with the program. With your inhibitions down you can explore this side of your sexuality that would otherwise remain in the closet. You justify it by saying it just happened because you were drunk. Maybe the 1st time but after that when you agreed to the sleep overs you both knew what would happen yet you chose to share a bed anyway. Especially if you have a couch, a spare room, an air mattress or some floor space, you two are making a CHOICE to cuddle. You repeatedly make that choice because you refuse to acknowledge that part of you wants to explore this aspect of your sexuality You are the one who has to draw the line because she wants to draw it to include sex. If you want platonic friendship only then you are responsible for enforcing that boundary. By continuing to allow these cuddle sessions you are in essence being a tease. She does not know nothing will ever happen between you. Every time you get in a bed with her she is one step closer to getting what she wants -- sex with you. If you are truly a friend stop doing that. It's mean.
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