bxmblebee Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 okay so i really need some advice here. this is probably going to be a really long post but i really need help sorry! I have just recently turned 18 and decided to get tinder as a sort of joke with my friends because my parents are so strict with me about boys (not allowed to ever hang out with them or date or anything). because of this i am a HUGE virgin in everything. i've never kissed a guy or eve gone on a date before so we thought it was funny. anyways fast forward a week after having tinder and i actually start talking to this guy. now i don't see myself as being attractive at all really but he is always complimenting me. he is turning 19 soon so we are very close in age. after talking for about 2 days we went on a date to the movies and i had a great time it was kind of awkward at first because i'm a pretty awkward person. also i don't know if it matters but i got to the theatre first and decided to buy the tickets for us because i didn't want him to feel obligated to buy everything. so we were the first people in the theatre which gave us the chance to talk a bit before the movie started and it was really good. during the movie we kind of kept looking at each other and smiling and i was going to lean my head on his shoulder but second guessed myself and didn't want to scare him or something so i didn't do it. after the movie he asked if we could hang out a little longer so we went to a nearby arcade and spent another half hour playing games and laughing a lot but had to leave because i had curfew. after we finished all our tokens i think he was hinting at inviting me on a second date because he suggested i keep the points card and that we can come back and get more tickets to get a cool prize. im oblivious as hell and i didn't realize until after the date what he was trying to hint at. so we leave the arcade and he drives me home. on the way to my house we talked about a second date and how much fun we had. this btw was my first date ever so i was EXTREMELY nervous. on the way to my house he asks to hold my hand and we held hands all the way to my house. at this point i felt really good about the date as we became pretty comfortable with each other. anyways we get to my house and he asks to kiss me but ive never kissed anyone before so i was NERVOUS but i really wanted to! so we kiss and i nervously laughed SO much i probably looked insane. so i go home and am shaken out of my mind that this all happened. so we texted a bit that night and planned a second date for 3 days later because he is going on a trip in a week and will be gone for 2 weeks. we have been texting constantly since the date and he tells me he's excited to see me again and i'm excited to see him too but i don't know what to expect because i'm so new to dating and boys and such. so i'm not sure if this is too fast or not because he is going to be gone for two weeks so i think its fine but i want other opinions. i like him and hanging out with him and my friends think its because we kissed but i was having a great time before then so i'm not really sure what to think. i'm not sure what is too little or too much someone give me some advice please
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 Sounds like a great date. You enjoyed talking to each other. He wasn't overly pushy. He asked to hold your hand on the ride home and ASKED to kiss you. You seem to have enjoyed the hand-holding and the kiss. He’s treating you with a lot of respect. He stayed in contact afterwards. And you both want to see each other again and are planning on it. That’s an amazing date! No need to worry about being inexperienced. In fact, the excitement of the inexperienced person ... is so much fun for a partner. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you laughing about a kiss. If a woman were to laugh at a kiss (and I knew she wasn't mocking me), I would feel great. That means she's relaxed and feeling joy. Also tells me she's open ... not pretentious. Totally cool all around. Just to give you some context, ... highly experienced daters also get nervous when out with someone for the first time and indeed during subsequent dates. I'm not nervous about going out with someone early on, that simply means I don't really like them. If there is a rule about pacing, the rule is do as much or as little as you are comfortable doing. It's OK to say "no" and to tell him to slow down. Never do something more than you're comfortable with to simply please him. For you, I would say hold off on sex until you're more comfortable and know him a lot better. But kissing is great. Kiss to your heart's content. Sounds to me like as awkward as you feel, you are reading him quite well and reading (interpreting) the situation and energy between the two of you quite well. So go out and enjoy ... you can take a chance like resting your head on his shoulder in the movie. Just from your description here, it seems like this guy is not rushing things and is very much in sync with you. If you start to touch each other more, go only as far as you are comfortable. A good partner will respect your wishes and comfort level. You've had a great first date in your life! Congratulations!
nospam99 Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 I'm surprised noone else answered already. I think you're doing fine, young lady. Keep it up as long as you're feeling comfortable. (Use the force .... or are you too young to grok?)
Mrin Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 Good on ya. It sounds like a terrific first date and you did just fine!
CollegeKid101 Posted July 26, 2018 Posted July 26, 2018 Sounds like he's into you. If he's texting you afterwards and telling you he wants to go on a date, trust me, he's into you. Have fun! If by some chance he flakes on you, you're 18! Don't sweat it. You will have hundreds, if not thousands of guys, approach you in your life still! EDIT: Your friends sound jealous! Don't listen to them.
Author bxmblebee Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 Sounds like a great date. You enjoyed talking to each other. He wasn't overly pushy. He asked to hold your hand on the ride home and ASKED to kiss you. You seem to have enjoyed the hand-holding and the kiss. He’s treating you with a lot of respect. He stayed in contact afterwards. And you both want to see each other again and are planning on it. That’s an amazing date! No need to worry about being inexperienced. In fact, the excitement of the inexperienced person ... is so much fun for a partner. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you laughing about a kiss. If a woman were to laugh at a kiss (and I knew she wasn't mocking me), I would feel great. That means she's relaxed and feeling joy. Also tells me she's open ... not pretentious. Totally cool all around. Just to give you some context, ... highly experienced daters also get nervous when out with someone for the first time and indeed during subsequent dates. I'm not nervous about going out with someone early on, that simply means I don't really like them. If there is a rule about pacing, the rule is do as much or as little as you are comfortable doing. It's OK to say "no" and to tell him to slow down. Never do something more than you're comfortable with to simply please him. For you, I would say hold off on sex until you're more comfortable and know him a lot better. But kissing is great. Kiss to your heart's content. Sounds to me like as awkward as you feel, you are reading him quite well and reading (interpreting) the situation and energy between the two of you quite well. So go out and enjoy ... you can take a chance like resting your head on his shoulder in the movie. Just from your description here, it seems like this guy is not rushing things and is very much in sync with you. If you start to touch each other more, go only as far as you are comfortable. A good partner will respect your wishes and comfort level. You've had a great first date in your life! Congratulations! Thank you for your reply! it's been really good so far.(i'll post an update soon) but we have since gone out on two more dates and he hasn't really pushed me at all to do anything i wasn't comfortable with because he understands that i'm very new and such. on our first date he seemed fine with the laughing because he knew that i was nervous. however i did feel like we were moving a little bit too fast after the second date so i talked to him about slowing it down and he agreed with me.but he was still a little eager to meet my family and friends so i wasn't quite sure how to really deal with that. we went on a double date with one of my friends and he seemed fine with that. i think he wants to introduce me to his friends but i'm a bit nervous as i'm a bit of an awkward person when it comes to meeting new people. and thank you! 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 14, 2018 Posted August 14, 2018 People don't care about awkwardness as much as you think. I'm betting your awkwardness is just nervousness ... People are interested in assessing character, as in are you a good person, a kind person, someone who treats this guy well ... So don't freak out about meeting the family. So this guy sounds really serious to be bringing family into this so early ... God, I delayed introducing people to my family ... partly because I felt so "awkward" doing so ... and partly because ... well ... my family was quirky. Usually the worry is the guy is going to want to go sexual really fast ... but this guy is going into meet-the-families really fast. Interesting. Keep checking in with yourself. Keep going at your pace. Life is about making adjustments ... we start on a project ... and we pay attention and adjust all along the way. So glad you posted. So eager to hear more!!!!!!!
Author bxmblebee Posted August 14, 2018 Author Posted August 14, 2018 Thanks to all that replied i appreciated the input! its been about three weeks since i posted this and had a few more things that i wanted opinions on. 1. on our second date he suggested meeting my family. (it's a long story but it seemed like a rational idea at the time) anyways i told him that it probably wouldn't be a good idea just because of the situation and the fact that it was literally our second date!! i also talked to him seriously about slowing things down because we were going a little too fast for my liking ( especially after we made out in his car ) he seemed fine with my decision and agreed with what i was saying and we were fine from there. 2. date number three: we went to an outdoor movie at night as a double date with my friend. on our second date he talked about how really wanted to meet some of my friends and go on double date with them and such. we went and he was really cute and sweet the whole time. he was kinda acting like my boyfriend not like it was our third date. i was fine with it . 3. his vacation: he's been gone about a week now. right before he left we were talking fine. (we had a date planned for a couple days before he left but he hurt his feet pretty badly and couldn't come ) also for 90% of that week we were just both really busy with work so we didn't talk like crazy but talked when we could. so then he leaves for vacation. i wish him well on his trip and all seemed good. he didn't message me at all from then and it had been like 3 days so i texted him and he said he was busy which i completely understand being on vacation with family is something you want to enjoy away from your phone. and personally i'm a person that doesn't really need to text someone all the time or anything i'm just able to pick up from where we last left off talking and be fine. the reason i feel weary is that i wanted to send him a cute simple message like 'i hope you're having a good trip ' or something but i don't want to seem needy or annoying. i also don't want him to feel like i dont care at all though so i'm not sure how to go about it.
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