samski3409 Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 so i had a great night last night. i went out with some friends and a awesome girl that I've been talking to.ended up bringing her back to my house and had some fantastic sex!! i wake up this morning feeling great and for the first time in a long time my ex was not the first thing on my mind this morning. then it happened just like clockwork,after 6weeks of N/C i get a call at 8:30 this morning from my EX! Just a few weeks a ago i deleted her info from my phone so i almost picked up the call but i recognized the number right before i did.(it was a close one) she leaves a voice mail which consist of her say that she misses me like crazy and that i was right about everything and that she loves me.she says she wishes she could make it better!! WTF!!! Now, after this girl dumped me i stuck around for a few months trying to "fight" for our relationship because i wasn't willing to let something that i thought was so special just go away. suffice to say that never worked and ended up prolonging my pain and making me look stupid. but the call from her today hit me like a ton of bricks,i mean i was freaking shaking listening to her msg. i don't know what to do now.my mind tells me to just leave it alone and continue the N/C,but my heart is aching now to call her. what would i say? i have no idea.this just really sucks,as soon as i start to move on this happens. i swear that they can sense when you're finally letting go. i don't know,i thought that I'd post this so i can get a little feedback from my peeps on the LS!!
LittleMiss Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 If I were in your situation I wouldn't call her yet. I'm not too sure about the details of why you two broke up or anything, but don't give in yet. She could be messing with your head so just wait and see if she tries to contact you again. After a while if she is really trying then I would hear her out and she what she has to say. I know it's hard to just ignore her msgs, but try. Right now that ball is in your court. If you give in that easy it will let her know that she has control over the situation.
Author samski3409 Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 i think you're right. I'm just going to wait it out a bit. i really don't want to get my hopes up too much! i know I'm still so much in love with her. hearing her voice killed me. i think that if i did contact her now my emotions would be too screwed up to say anything good.damn, i miss her!!
LonelySoul Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 The typical story...Did NC, Got laid, slowly moving on and POW the EX is back! If you want to resurface all those feelings go ahead. If you think and feel she's worth a second chance, only you would know. It's not easy to say goodbye to someone you love so easily. You were moving on because you had no choice but now the ball is in your court. If you still have feelings for her and you feel in your heart that she's being sincere about her missing you and loving you than I say go for it. But I will tell you this, consider everything she put you through, sometimes it's better just to move on. If it didn't work out the first time, most likely it will fail the second time. Only time will tell and don't make so easy for her.
off2sea Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Sam, I had a similar situation, but with an email. I read it about a hundred times, analyzed it, re-analyzed it and then mistakenly crafted a response. Of course I then started checking my email every 30 seconds for about a week. No response from her. I then realized I was foolish for responding and thinking it might lead to some communication. Walk it off, go back out with the new person, enjoy your friends. You are on the right track, it'll blow over in a few days.
Author samski3409 Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 off2sea, that's exactly what I'm afraid will happen if i do return some kind of response. one of the best things about me having no contact with her is I'm no longer wondering if she'll call me,cuz the last time i spoke to her i told her not to contact me.for a long time after the break up we were still talking but it sucked because the second i thought things were going well with us, a weekend would come and I'd hear nothing from her until Monday morning or something. Man EEF that ish!!! that sucked.i don't want to go back into some situation like that again.
sanne Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 yea cmon man, do you really want to go back to her? all of the problems you had before WILL STILL BE THERE.
jhurtinct Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 please try and stay strong for your own good, how many times has this happened before? if any
Author samski3409 Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 please try and stay strong for your own good, how many times has this happened before? if any well,this was the first time i ever really stuck with the N/C for any extended time. so i guess it never really happened like this,but while we were talking she'd say all the same things and still never did anything to keep me.just strung me along..
jhurtinct Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 i've been doing for 6 1/2 yrs atleast 5 or 6 times always hoping for the best because there is a child involved and i want so bad for it to work. i'm doing it again, be stronger than me. its always great in the begining promises for everything and unfortunitly for all it always ends for the same reasons, not saying it will happen to you and you don't know if it never has before, just procede with extreme caution, and step back and look at why it happened to begin with. good luck
smile95 Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Take it from someone who has gone back 6 times to this!!!! It seems ok now since she is being sweet, but that will fade. I think they do this to see if they still have you and the control. Please stay strong....I know it is hard, but if you respond, it will set you back so far. Stick with NC. SHe is just wondering why you are not after her anymore. She needs an ego boost my friend!
bigacesteve Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 My ex did the exact same thing. She was pleading with me to take her back, saying just how unhappy she was without me. I let her back in and the following day she changed her mind and I was back to being in bits again. Another ex did the same thing to me years before. I should have learnt my lesson but that heart of ours is difficult to ignore when someone you love suddenley wants you back. The problem is that they don't love us and we need to understand that and keep away. If I was you, I'd ignore the message and see if she makes any real effort to get you back. Leaving a message is like putting the ball in your court. You didn't ask for this so let her do the work, if she doesn't then forget it is my advice.
RecordProducer Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 She might have had a weak moment. If she were stable and certain about her decision, she wouldn't have left such a message on your phone. She would have asked you to call her and when you do, she would tell you that she wants to meet you and talk about ressurecting your relationship. I am not saying this is the only way, but she was the one who broke up and you can't go back to her at her desire just to be dumped again. I would suggest that you wait for her to call you again and then ask her what she wants. If she still wants to get back together, request some time to think, e.g. one month. She will appreciate what she lost more, plus if she still wants you after a month, it's possible that she is being serious about the whole thing.
jonybgood Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I think she may be having second thoughts about what she did, but like Record Producer says in her last post she may not be serious. If you call her immedietly that only puts you in the position of jumping every time she says jump. Even after all this time. If you want to stay in her thoughts, but don't want to seem desperate you could send her a card that just says you are thinking of her. Don't mention getting together, or your relationship or anything like that. Just an "I hope you are doing well" kind of thing. Make the effort to send a real card through the mail. She will love getting it, and it shows more class and effort than a e-mail or phone call. Then if she wants to talk to you she will contact you, but you must make some hard decisions here. Are you willing to open yourself up to her again? Can you forgive each other for past problems? Or is there much more baggage to contend with now? Is the relationship going to be the same as it was or are there going to be different boundries this time? It sounds like you have pretty much moved on to a degree. Are the feelings you got when she called truly what you think they are. Make sure before you make any rash decisions based upon emotions that may or may not be real. Do these things for yourself. "To thine own self be true."
RecordProducer Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 The only way to prevent her from playing with your heart is to say "No." People don't respect servility.
hoppy28 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 wouldnt also sending a card maybe send the wrong message........ex: your holding on, your needy, etc??? i was pondering with the idea of sending this woman a card saying "happy b-day, hope all is well". in fact im not sending in in hopes shell come crawling back. more so to say what i feel i need to. she kinda blew me off after a month of being pretty much together. i never really got to say "i wish you well"............and it left me here confused. why am i even considering this??? i suppose i just dont like the way she handled things and "ended" it. part of me still just wants to have "one last talk". i cant call her.....i just cant. would sending a card make me look like a fool??
jonybgood Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I don't think sending an I hope you are well card will send the wrong message.The reason I recomended the card is that from you previous post's I got the impression you wanted to continue the relationship and build it into something stronger, your last post does not send that message at all. what do you want from this woman? If the message is that you are indeed thinking of her, and want a future with her, then the card will not send the wrong message If the only reason you want to continue this relationship is to make her come crawling back to you then as I said earlier maybe you should ask the tough questions and let it go. If revenge and closure is your only motivation then you are not being a real man, only the kind of person who lives to be one up on their partner. Never a good recipe for success. Take it from someone who knows - either accept the moment for what it is and love her where she is right now, or let her go. Don't think about her, don't call her, continue NC till she doesn't ever call you again. Live right for yourself not for someone else. As long as you are living to see her come crawling back, or to get her to admit that she did things wrong then you are indeed living for her. In order to really achieve peace in this time you must learn to really forgive and let go. If you abslolutely have to say one last thing (once again from experience) then write her a letter saying all the things you want to say then as you said wish her well. don't make it an ugly, accusing letter. Re-read it a few time before you send it to make sure the message is the one you want to possibly leave her with the rest of your life. Then send it and continue to move forward with your life.
hoppy28 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 johnybgood...........the post above yours was my first on this topic. i think you have me confussed for the original poster.....?? i was just wondering if it sent another message or not.
jonybgood Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 Hoppy - I am really sorry, I SEE.... I just got the last post and I got confused in my old age. You were talking in the first person and well.... please accept my apology. This would be a good place for one of those smiley things that I am just learning how to use.
hoppy28 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 johnybgood...............of curse apology is excepted!!!!!
Author samski3409 Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Hey, Thank you all for your feedback!!! Well, I just had an awesome weekend and i hope you all did too. just so you guys know i haven't contacted my ex in any way so far. I swear i listened to the msg she left me like 6 times and every time i really felt like calling her,but i didn't. i thought about her a lot but for the most part i had some good times and even hooked up with that girl i was talking to again. now don't get me wrong ,I'm still not where i need to be: emotionally and mentally over my EX,but I'm slowly getting there. As for contacting her,I'm still going to hold off on that.Maybe she will make a real attempt at being a serious part of my life again and maybe she won't.I'm just finally getting the feeling that I'm going to be just fine either way. Thanks again my LS peeps.I'll keep you posted!!
RecordProducer Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I really liked Johnybegood's points related to self-esteem and it just occurred to me that if you really want to get over someone, you will. We usually surrender to our misery and drown in it. Actually Samski was not clear about what to do, because he would want to be with his ex, but doesn't want to be dumped again as a product of her whim. I agree that NC and someone to console you are the best combination for break-up survival.
Drivetildriven Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I'll bet everyone wishes they were in your shoes right now, but it sounds like she's already done some damage with just that one message. Play it cool, you've got a lot to carefully consider. If she is sincere then she will make more than one effort to get in touch with you. Like Lonely Soul said, right when you start to recover, Bam! the ex does something like this and you could be back to square one in the blink of an eye. Whatever you do, don't make yourself easy or desperate and just play it cool. God be with you and I hope it works out. Off to sea, You're right about the checking the email every thirty seconds, I've been there too!
Author samski3409 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 I really liked Johnybegood's points related to self-esteem and it just occurred to me that if you really want to get over someone, you will. We usually surrender to our misery and drown in it. Actually Samski was not clear about what to do, because he would want to be with his ex, but doesn't want to be dumped again as a product of her whim. I agree that NC and someone to console you are the best combination for break-up survival. ohh, i could sure use some consoling by you Recordproducer! j/k i had to say it!
Author samski3409 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 so a saw the EX on the way to work this morning!! damn,i live in the biggest city there is and i have to see the one person i don't want to see! I'm pretty sure she didn't see me though,not that i would have minded if she did cuz i must say I'm looking freaking good these days!hehehe
Recommended Posts