john9999 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 For the record I am 51 and the woman then I’m going to mention here is 50 So I met this woman through online dating and we could not get together because she left for another stage two days after we started messaging. We have a greed to get together when she returns and have been messaging daily since she left. I have asked for her phone number and given her mine but she doesn’t give me her number. And all messaging goes through the dating site. Is this odd? Or no big deal. Typically in a situation like this I would at least want to talk to somebody on the phone and have a conversation versus doing everything through messaging.
preraph Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 It's normal not to give out your number yet. But she has your number, so has she only messaged you through the site? I guess that's all she's up for at this time, then. It's her being cautious, I imagine.
FMW Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 She's just being naturally cautious, as most women are (and should be). Nothing to take personally. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 To answer your question, no it isn't weird to not give out your number to a stranger you haven't met, but expecting to chat everyday without meeting is a bit unreasonable. You do have reason to question whether she is who she says she is. I can't tell you how many times I have heard about people meeting someone online, and when it comes time to meet the person just happens to be out of town for a few weeks. It strikes me as a little suspicious. She may very well be telling the truth, but if that is the case then she should also be understanding that you don't want to invest your time messaging her every single day and potentially forming a bond before you have even had the chance to meet. My suggestion would be to tell her that she can contact you when she gets back to arrange a date, but until then you would rather scale back the chatting everyday until you have actually met in person. Believe me, there are A LOT of time wasters online, and some who just want someone to chat with everyday, with no intention of ever meeting. You need to be really assertive and clear so you don't fall into that trap, especially if you are looking for something more meaningful. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then at least plan to go on dates with other women in the meantime. Good luck. 3
Miss Spider Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Has she given any reason why she prefers to communicate through the site? It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for a phone number online, but everyone is different, and I suppose some people are not comfortable giving out their number right away. What constitutes “right away” varies from person to person. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 If this is really bothering you, you might consider telling her so. All that online messaging takes time ... and you're getting more and more invested in the relationship ... when you might in fact hate her voice. At least invite her to call you since you gave her your number. It makes sense that women are really cautious about giving out their numbers. She wants to make sure you are not a serial killer. The other cautious step people take in online dating is to meet first at a public place (not have the guy pick up the woman where she lives). 1
Author john9999 Posted July 20, 2018 Author Posted July 20, 2018 (edited) To answer your question, no it isn't weird to not give out your number to a stranger you haven't met, but expecting to chat everyday without meeting is a bit unreasonable. You do have reason to question whether she is who she says she is. I can't tell you how many times I have heard about people meeting someone online, and when it comes time to meet the person just happens to be out of town for a few weeks. It strikes me as a little suspicious. She may very well be telling the truth, but if that is the case then she should also be understanding that you don't want to invest your time messaging her every single day and potentially forming a bond before you have even had the chance to meet. My suggestion would be to tell her that she can contact you when she gets back to arrange a date, but until then you would rather scale back the chatting everyday until you have actually met in person. Believe me, there are A LOT of time wasters online, and some who just want someone to chat with everyday, with no intention of ever meeting. You need to be really assertive and clear so you don't fall into that trap, especially if you are looking for something more meaningful. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then at least plan to go on dates with other women in the meantime. Good luck. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I certainly am not messaging her she’s initiating this contact. I totally totally agree with you. There are plenty of women online, probably meant to, they just want some attention and really have no expectation to meet in real life. Fräulein no she’s actually in a relationship or even possibly married. One other suspicious thing here is that she messages me basically in the middle of the night. That just looks like she’s hiding something. Like they’re somebody she doesn’t want them to know that she’s talking to guys online. And you bet I’m talking to other women and setting dates. Edited July 20, 2018 by john9999 1
mortensorchid Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Keep you options open at this point. If and when you give a phone number to someone and they only respond through the dating website or app, that means they are trying to keep a distance from you. It is a REALLY bad sign if you meet the person and they respond to you still only through there. Even if it's just a polite "I had a good time last night" text. Eventually you will drift and it's done. But if they don't respond to your phone number before or after you meet, forget it.
rightondude Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 One other suspicious thing here is that she messages me basically in the middle of the night. That just looks like she’s hiding something. Like they’re somebody she doesn’t want them to know that she’s talking to guys online. Yep that's shady. Proceed with caution (or not at all).
Gretchen12 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 That could be me... traveling, not wanting to give out phone number. But then I'm perfectly fine not continuing to write through the website and then just meet up when I'm back in town. You can just fix a future date to meet and stop writing. If she's serious, she'll show up.
act00 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 It sounds suspicious to me. Anytime someone has a job that requires a lot travel or military, particularly when stating overseas, or they're out of state, the fraud-o-meter should be going up. The fact she texts in the middle of the night could be a time zone issue. She could be overly cautious about giving out her number to a strange man, and the number could link her to social media, etc., and that's fine, but the other issue could very well be that she wants to hold off on any voice conversation because she's really a man in Nigeria or has a foreign accent. Proceed with caution here, and TBH, it's a grand waste of time to text someone for so long without ever meeting. You may never meet because she's catfishing or bored, ego. Do you get any real life conversation or is everything more superficial and flowery, finding true love? Does she supposedly live in your area? Does she talk about the general area she lives or anything local? A restaurant in the area or anything like that? I guess when she has some financial crisis or brings up money, you'll know for sure. Anyway, I guess you can take her at face value and entertain chatting, but don't get wrapped up and attached or give up too much personal information. See other people. You should probably tell her that you'd rather meet in person than text and to contact you when she's back in town. If she stops writing, it's not a loss.
FMW Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 What's the timeline here? I was assuming this was something spanning only a week or two.
kendahke Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 For the record I am 51 and the woman then I’m going to mention here is 50 So I met this woman through online dating and we could not get together because she left for another stage two days after we started messaging. We have a greed to get together when she returns and have been messaging daily since she left. I have asked for her phone number and given her mine but she doesn’t give me her number. And all messaging goes through the dating site. Is this odd? Or no big deal. Typically in a situation like this I would at least want to talk to somebody on the phone and have a conversation versus doing everything through messaging. Yes and no. I can understand not giving out a phone number until you meet in person, but then again, she can get a google number if she doesn't want her real number given out. However, the going out of town right when you begin talking, for me, is a huge red flag warning sign. IME, effery is afoot when that happens. All my life, the relationships that fell apart fastest were with men who immediately had to go out of town.
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Red flags all over. Where I live we cannot locate someone by their cell number or even know their name. If I gave my phone number to someone and he became annoying nowadays all phone have block options. Messaging you only on the dating site in the middle of the night is indicative of a married woman.
coolheadal Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 I couldn’t have said it better myself. I certainly am not messaging her she’s initiating this contact. I totally totally agree with you. There are plenty of women online, probably meant to, they just want some attention and really have no expectation to meet in real life. Fräulein no she’s actually in a relationship or even possibly married. One other suspicious thing here is that she messages me basically in the middle of the night. That just looks like she’s hiding something. Like they’re somebody she doesn’t want them to know that she’s talking to guys online. And you bet I’m talking to other women and setting dates. Could be a scammer, they usually text late at night.. See what happens next? If you get a message to send her itune cards $100 or higher you know you have been scammed.
kendahke Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Could be a scammer, they usually text late at night.. See what happens next? If you get a message to send her itune cards $100 or higher you know you have been scammed. I doubt it's a scammer. They always try to move their target off of the dating site and onto phone/text interaction as quickly as they can. 1
Author john9999 Posted July 20, 2018 Author Posted July 20, 2018 all good comments. My gut tells me something is just is not right. I have been at this dating thing now for 10 years. I have learned alot.
Gaeta Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 all good comments. My gut tells me something is just is not right. I have been at this dating thing now for 10 years. I have learned alot. So you know when it crawls like a snake and hisses like a snake the chances are it's a ? yes, snake!
caveman621 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 I don't think it's unreasonable for her to not give you her number when she doesn't know you. It's a safety. If, when you finally meet there is no chemistry she blocks you on the site and that's the end of it. I'm not saying you would keep contacting her if you had her number and she asked you to stop, but I can certainly see why a woman might not want to take such a risk. Or could be some kind of scam. I would just do what you're doing if you like doing it. After you meet her if she THEN won't give you her number, that's a definite red flag. Don't put all your eggs in that basket. Keep looking!
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