goodfella Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I need some advise from you guys/gals. I am going though a really tough time over my ex and have been hanging on for love and hoping to get her back for some time. This is now not possible as she has a new fella, i am starting to accept this but feel that she has used me and had it too easy. I feel as though im the only one who is suffering! I feel i need some closure on the situation and i know sounding needy, sufering, hurting etc is the last thing my ex wants to hear and will probably drive her feelings/memories of me further away, but you know what?.... does it matter? as i am on a stict NC rule and i dont think i will ever see her again. Anyhow i wanted to right her a letter saying how i think she was not fair to me and i hope she reliases so, i suppose it will help me to know that shes knows why i feel so upset and why i cannot be "friends" to her as i think she cant understand this. Tony T put the whole sort of thought process i have i one short paragragh is a previous post. Quote - "She is just being selfish, that's all. It's much easier for her to let herself down slowly than it is for her to leave you cold turkey. It also helps her ease her guilt if she lets you down gradually. But you can bet every penny in your bank account that once she finds somebody else, all that lovey dovey stuff will be over and you won't see her again. Don't buy in this charade. It happens all the time. Many females don't like to step off of one rock until the other foot is firmly planted on the next. Oh, yeah, she may be confused. But she's not so confused that she didn't break up with you. What she's doing now is cruel...to you! I hope you're not sucker enough to buy into it." Post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t24634 I bought into it unfortunatly, i only wish i had found this site years ago! I know i should just forget and move on, but it just really bugs me that she has aways come out on top so to speak, with the break up being her decision and now her jumping to greener grass being hers aswell . It was terraible seeing her with her new b/f, laughing and flirting whilst i was in the same bar....only for her to come over and hug me give me 20 secs of her time, then walk back off into the arms of her now significant other. Christ! i was her significant other and only port of call for so many years, and spent all of my time offering all i could (stupid i know) i find it amazing unbelieveable how she can do it. Should i or not? I dont want to rant at her i just want her to understand my point of view. Full story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t69752/ Thanks in advance!
sanne Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 write the letter, but don't send it. make your own closure. ultimately we have to provide ourselves with our own closure in one way or another, we cannot rely on our ex's to do it for us.
FWIW Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 DONT DO IT!!! For the sake of your dignity, PLEASE don't do it. She will NEVER bother to see things from your point of view, so you'll not only achieve NOTHING but you'll be making a wimp of yourself. You'd regret it in years to come. Be strong. Avoid her, treat her coolly. Move on and act like it. She's hurt you enough, now it's time for YOU to take charge of your feelings. Good luck!
Author goodfella Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 thanks for your advise! i think i have already lost about all of my dignity as humanly possible with this girl so a letter wont really make that much difference. The problem that she will never see my point of view is the whole problem i have....i want to point it out to her, if not for me but for the benefit of the next guy she may do the same to, just so she knows how you can hurt someone alot with your actions. i dont know i probably wont send one...just frickin pis*ed and dissapointed with her and myself
Mz. Pixie Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 You're not really hoping for closure, you're hoping that contacting her will spur her to want to get back together....... She's given you closure by not calling you- that tells you all you need to know.
KANSAN Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Don't send it. Keep what dignity you have left. She does'nt need to know your feelings and you do'nt have to teach the next guy, what you have to do is learn from this move on with your life and live well. The best way to teach her is to let her dig her own grave. You just be the best man you can be, now so you do'nt scare off a potential winner wile wasting time thinking about someone who does'nt really care about you
Author goodfella Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 Thanks all, i wont send the letter. In a way i would of sent it to get some kind of response or explaination from her but i know now that i dont need that and need to look forward and move on in my life. This is the first time i have really experienced any real heart ache in my life over someone. It just didnt hit me how cruel & cold people can be when faced with breakups and love. I thought i knew this girl very well.....its amazing how some people can change! God forbid i will never do anything like it, i deserve better from peolple i have taken the time and effort to hold dear in my heart.
suegail Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 I think it's good if you've decided to not send the letter. I agree with the others on that. As hard as it is, (and i know it's hard) she's found someone else and you have to find a way to accept it. I know you're very upset right now and anger is one of the stages of grief, but I hope for your sake in time you'll work your way out of feeling angry at her. I hope you'll see that she hasn't done something purposely cruel - her feelings for you changed. I'm sure she didn't plan it that way, but it just does happen in life.
Author goodfella Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 I am not all that angry at her its more i feel a bit betrayed by her. I care alot for this girl and im happyish knowing she has found happiness in someone else. If only we had both fallen out of love life would of been so much simpler My only dissapointment with her is that she didnt have the decency to treat my feelings with some respect and acted a bit more maturely, which is what i wanted to convey in the letter. Oh well life moves on....i will be happy again and i truely hope she is happy too. I will always have my memories of the good times! Thanks for all you're advise people on LS! I hope it all works out for everyone of you on here.
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