Stone Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 It's been 11 months:( My b/f wouldn't sleep with me when I was pregnant, he gave me every excuse in the book then said after I had the baby then he wouldn't have such an issue with it:o Now I've been fixed, it's been 2 months and still nothing. He is not cheating, I know he swears he isn't I've snooped:confused: and even hired a Private Investigator... nothing. I know I am not unattractive, I get hit on all the time. I've tried everything and keep getting rejected to the point where I am afraid to try due to rejection.. this is truley hurting my feeling I feel very unloved and I am about to just go out tonight and have a One Night Stand ( I know that won't fix anything, but I miss intamacy so much) I talk to him about it all the time, he says he loves me but he just does not feel the urge to have sex:o I am taking this personally what should I do
Art_Critic Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 you could argue that he is still feeling overwhelmed from being a dad for the first time. or you could argue that he he feels a little trapped... But I think that the Abuse and Alcohol have a lot to do with it. Alcoholics by nature are not very nice people.. I know because I am one.. I've been sober over 18 years now and I know the anger and pain that I had inside me that I took out on other people. He is punishing you .. The relationship seems to have run it's course.. If you talked with him about this issue and gotten no results then you might think about finding a decent relationship that isn't built on Alcohol and Abuse and that is built on love and respect. Try talking with him about it .. Ask him to be honest with you ( We are almost never honest as active alcoholics ) If you can break his wall down you may find out the real issue here
Author Stone Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 That is a great point.. he is doing better in the Alchol department though, ever since his drinkning buddy moved away & the baby has been born he has been home not at the bars. but just because he isn't there everyday doesn't mean he is sober by anymeans:o In Addition to the Alchol problems he is also Bipolor
Art_Critic Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 In Addition to the Alchol problems he is also Bipolor Ugh .. Sorry about this.. You must feel like your life is a roller coaster at times. Also with us Alcoholics.. We have to be sober not dry for at least 90-120 days before our behavior starts to change. It takes that long for the fog to fade. Sober meaning that we are working on ourselves and working a program and dry meaning just not drinking.. A dry drunk has all the same behaviors as if he was drinking.. He needs to work a program in order to get sober
Author Stone Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 Thanks for your advice.. I think I will go out tonight:o
Kitteney Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 let me see if I have this straight.... this bipolar alcohol abuser who isn't getting help is just your boyfriend? if so, your first priority is to ditch him asap. (if he were your husband, i would say divorce his @$$ and fight for sole custody.) with him gone, your baby moves to the top of the list. i hate to pull a Dr. Laura on ya, but your child should remain your first priority until they are old enough to be on their own--even it if means that you might miss out on some nookie. protecting your children from potentially dangerous people is paramount. my own mother didn't/couldn't do it for me, and i live with the effects of that every day of my life.
Author Stone Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Actully regardless of how he is with me he is a WONDERFUL father. to the baby and my 5 year old son. My little boy has several disibilities due to a stroke in 2002 and my b/f is the best thing that happened to him. He even has special days with him every Wendsday night he takes him golfing, movies, arcade ect. He is a T- Ball coach on his league for disabled kids. I coulnd't imagine ever having a better father for my children.. witch is why I even stay with him:o I could not do that to my little boy:( My b/f is the world to him and he is AWASOME with the baby. He changes diapers, watches her cuddles her all night ect and has started a college fund for both of them. He doesn't drink infront of the kids. The problem is with us, he is a ****ty partner and my needs are not being meet and I am hurt and resentful. He has put a huge wall up and I can't break it down. I am EXTREAMLY lonley and unhappy but I stay for my children:o
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 He doesn't drink infront of the kids. Now that is a great father Alcoholism is a progressive disease so that won't last long .. He will .. Just give him time he is a ****ty partner and my needs are not being meet Key words.. If Mom is not okay then the kids are not okay .. MOM needs to be okay in order for the kids to be okay. You need to really look at things and drop the rose colored glasses
Barby Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Hey Stone!!!!!!!!!! Wow I haven't seen you or your posts around in such a long time!!!!!!!!!! I had been wondering about you, wondering how everything's going for you/your family. I'm glad to see that you're back but I wish things were going better for ya though! So eleven WHOLE months w/ no nookie from your man?? That just can't be normal for anyman!!! OMG:confused:!!! Do you think other than his drinking that there could be other issues going on....?!?!?!? Could it be that maybe he's gay?!?! Maybe he realized that he's really attracted to men? Could he be getting it somewhere else? (sorry, just trying to come up w/some ideas). Honestly it doesn't make much sense that a normal healthy man, who's obviously very capable of an errection, sexual intercourse, ect, ect (the new baby is proof enough); who lives w/ his girl, wouldn't be interested in having sexual relations. :eek: :eek: :confused: I understand that you do not/will not leave him because despite the intimacy issues and whatever other issues may surface between the two of you...he's a wonderful man for your children and (just re-stating what you said)...you wouldn't do that to your son. Sadly many are quick to suggest the "pack your bags and run" answer....and in some cases this is (or seems) to be the best route to go......but not always...in your case I think (in my opinion anyway) would be to honestly sit down and explain how you're feeling to him. Let him know that you are feeling un-attractive to him, explain to him that despite the fact that you know having a one night stand will do only harm and no good...that you feel he's pushing you to the verge (well only if you really do feel this way). Let him know that you can't tolerate the lack of physical affection and intimacy. Good luck, I hope it gets better between the two of you!
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