Met up with ex-bf on Sunday night and have not heard from him since

[lostloveinla]

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up during the summer of last year. We were together for 4 years and loved each other deeply but had many issues that we couldn't resolve. We continued to talk/text/see each other on and off for a couple of months after that but decided to end all contact at the end of August because it became so draining without the commitment.

 

We met up again in March and realized that we still loved each other. However, we were both seeing other people and due to the timing and fights (about our past, other people), we couldn't make it work.

 

Fast forward to Sunday. I texted him to say hi since I bumped into his best friend at a cafe. He responds pretty fast and asked if I had time to meet up that night for dinner. I agreed. We had a wonderful time together - it was fun and lighthearted and we talked about our past and how we still love each other.

 

Then Monday and Tuesday rolls around and I hear nothing from him? He usually follows up but this time he didn't. I guess I don't know what to make of the situation? Can someone help me shed light on this?

[Adiron]

He's either undecided or he decided against.

[Mrin]

How did you leave it? Did you say you were going to see each other again? Or stay in contact? Are either of you seeing anyone else?

[basil67]

Did he tell you that he'd call you? Did you make any kind of agreement to keep seeing each other?

[lostloveinla]

He said that we should definitely meet up again and left it at that...I guess I am not sure what to make of it.

[ExpatInItaly]

He said that we should definitely meet up again and left it at that...I guess I am not sure what to make of it.

 

Eh, this doesn't sound promising. It sounds like the Friend Zone.

[d0nnivain]

He wanted to catch up. He doesn't hate you. You had dinner. He got his fix. He has no need to continue interacting with you. He'll pop back up in another 3 months but this will never be more.

[stillafool]

I agree he just wanted to catch up, see how you are because you were a special part of his life. He has more than likely moved on to another girl by now; but will always have fond memories of your time together and would like to see you from time to time to catch up. There isn't anymore to it than that.

[Estuaire]

He could also be waiting for you to reach out

[lostloveinla]

He did finally reach out and asked why he didn't hear from me. He said he thought we had a good time and wanted to start seeing each other again. I know he's dating other women. In fact, we ended trying again last time because we were still seeing other people and he wanted to continue seeing other women while trying to work it out with me. Ugh. I'm so confused and don't know what to think. Should I let go?

[isolatedgothic]

You saw each other for 4 years. He knows you. He knows who you are and what you're all about. It's not like you just met. My concern is that he would want to start up with you again, entangle your heart, but still see other people as well.

 

Maybe that is a conversation you can have with him. I think that kind of arrangement would be harmful to you, just from what you have written. If he wants to see you again, then it is going to be best to cut yourselves off from other distractions.

 

It's never fun to be the girl he sleeps with while he's trying out other girls, too.

[BC1980]

He probably had second thoughts after he told you he wanted to meet up. I wouldn't hold out hope that he will contact you. I think you need to put a final lid on this because it's been a year.

[ExpatInItaly]

He did finally reach out and asked why he didn't hear from me. He said he thought we had a good time and wanted to start seeing each other again. I know he's dating other women. In fact, we ended trying again last time because we were still seeing other people and he wanted to continue seeing other women while trying to work it out with me. Ugh. I'm so confused and don't know what to think. Should I let go?

 

Good heavens, yes.

 

Anyone's who's serious about working things out with you is going to drop the other women and focus on, you know, working things out with you.

 

I would stop holding out hope and move on. You have had nearly 5 years to work out your issues together, and it has not succeeded.

[Iris The Butterfly]

I agree. It's been too long for him to still want to shop around. He already knows you. Unless you are willing to be anything else but #1, walk away.

I think you should tell him that you love him too and would like to try again, but only if you are the only woman in his life. Period.