sweetie7 Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 I have huge issues with no contact...I just do not think it feasible to go from spending all of one's time with someone to completely cutting them out of your life. I know it prob. helps but I just can't do it. So I talked to the boy after a few days of not talking (pure hell for me) but I don't know if I feel better or worse. It's almost like I get some sort of sick pleasure from not talking to him and then calling him a million times and crying because he won't answer. And then when I do talk to him it's kinda anticlimatic...I hang up and can't be sad that we haven't talked and can't obsess over whether or not to call him. Soo sick isn't it? Well we talked for 1.5 hours. He didn't want to talk about us so I tried my best not to. We're both moving to the city this week for school (different schools) and are nervous/excited. I'm moving tomorrow and my feelings are sooo mixed. I am excited to go and live with my friend and go out and be single. But I am soo sad that it will not be what I have been looking forward to: romantic dinners with the bf, going out w/ our friends, sleeping at each other's apts. We made friends with a couple that goes to his school and they are soo excited to hang out with us. I talked to the girl today and told her we broke up and she was soo upset. It's like all of our plans are ruined. I know I still want to be his friend as hard as it will be. I've seriously never seen a more attractive looking guy (not just saying that...6'4, 230, dark hair, very built hockey player) Ahhh I won't be able to see him without melting, but I know he's very attracted to me too. So will see how that goes. I don't want to get my hopes up but I miss him so much and just want to be in his arms for a little while. So that's that...we will see when/if he calls me next. We hung up both saying "i miss you" I am going to try my best to enjoy my life and my new move to the city but I know I won't be able to get him out of my mind and will be constantly wondering what it will be like when he arrives...
Candy Cane Posted September 4, 2005 Posted September 4, 2005 Yeah...it sounds a little unhealthy. No one is going to make you do no contact. If you want some contact with him, then call him once in awhile. By once in awhile, I mean once or twice a week. By calling I mean, just call him once and leave a message and wait for him to call you back. Don't call over and over and over. And when he does call, keep the call very short. If he doesn't want to talk about the relationship, don't. Keep the conversation light and upbeat. And, keep an eye on the time. When the clock says you've been on the phone for 15 minutes, tell him you have to go. Make up some reason to get off the phone. What is the purpose you ask? The purpose is to keep him interested and to keep him guessing on where you stand with him. Be a smart girl and use some self restraint to get the things you ultimately want.
Author sweetie7 Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 Well I didn't call him after my last post. He called me on Sat. I called back Sat. night. Didn't talk to him until yesterday when he called to tell me he was all moved in. Called me a couple hours later to come over and see his place. I went and hung out with him and his parents. They left and I said I was leaving too and he got all sad and asked me to stay. He started kissing me and one thing led to another...He kept saying he misses me and loves me...we went out to dinner with our couple friends and he kept holding my hand and putting his arm around me. On our way back to his place he asked me to stay the night. He didn't want me going home alone (15 mins on the subway) I asked him if he only wanted me to stay because it was his first night in the city and he was lonely. He assured me that he just wanted to be with me. So I stayed and slept over. We had a nice night and a nice morning together. I walked him to class and he kissed me goodbye and called me right when his first class was over. I dunno...it's so hard to remember how awful he made me feel when he's being so nice and loving now. I know that he loves me but now I'm scared he just wants to be with me so much bc he's lonely and scared in the city. It sucks...
Rocko Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Keep your guard up. Make sure he fights for your love. You're worth it.
Candy Cane Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 Well I didn't call him after my last post. He called me on Sat. I called back Sat. night. Didn't talk to him until yesterday when he called to tell me he was all moved in. Called me a couple hours later to come over and see his place. I went and hung out with him and his parents. They left and I said I was leaving too and he got all sad and asked me to stay. He started kissing me and one thing led to another...He kept saying he misses me and loves me...we went out to dinner with our couple friends and he kept holding my hand and putting his arm around me. On our way back to his place he asked me to stay the night. He didn't want me going home alone (15 mins on the subway) I asked him if he only wanted me to stay because it was his first night in the city and he was lonely. He assured me that he just wanted to be with me. So I stayed and slept over. We had a nice night and a nice morning together. I walked him to class and he kissed me goodbye and called me right when his first class was over. I dunno...it's so hard to remember how awful he made me feel when he's being so nice and loving now. I know that he loves me but now I'm scared he just wants to be with me so much bc he's lonely and scared in the city. It sucks... How are you going to feel if he goes back to wanting to be friends? If you don't know this guy's intentions, you are setting yourself up and you will feel devistated if things don't work out. You need to be taking things s-l-o-w-l-y. He may seem nice and sweet while holding you in his arms...but trust me...he can forget about you just as fast. Guys seem to have that ability...and they're good at finding justifications for it and blaming you for "getting the wrong idea." You need to be much more careful here.
Author sweetie7 Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 I know you're right...it's soo hard though. He called me the night after I stayed over and said he wanted to be with me and then last night we went out to dinner and he stayed over my place. I know he loves me but I am scared out of my mind. On the other hand, for the month that we weren't together and when I lived in the city before he got here, I went out and had tons of fun with my friends. I realized that I definitely do not have any trouble meeting guys and that I can be perfectly happy without him. But then I see him and I melt. I don't want to get hurt but I just love being with him so much. Plust our two best friends here are a couple and want to hang out with the two of us alll the time. When we broke up before, they were devastated haha. Ughh...
kscholze Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 you obviously love this guy. I am in the same boat. I meet girls and date girls, but everytime my ex breaks NC I just fall right back into my old ways with her. I love her, and when she told me that she loved me I pushed her to tell me what she wanted (she was with her ex at this time, telling me she loved me). Well I pushed her away and now she said she is done, and is happy with him. Just be carefull with the pace you take...
Taby Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 It seems like you guys really love one another... May I ask why you broke up in the first place?
Taby Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 It's ok! i read all your previous post.. well it's such a shame that he feels the game is now over.. the way I see it it's only beggining now... when you love is mutual there is so much ahead of you... i feel sorry for you b/f that he sees it that way.. he will regret it when he realises it.. i just hope for him that you're still around then... otherwise he'll realise what a coward he was...
Author sweetie7 Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 Thanks everyone...the drama continues...the other day we decided we should "talk" because we hadn't talked about what was going on since we'd been hanging out for a few days. He basically said he loved me, wanted to be with me, but didn't think we could be because we fought too much and he was stressed out with his new school, athletics, etc. He assured me there was no other girl and he was not interested in dating anyone but me. He just couldn't right now. I said fine, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me 100%. I love him but I wasn't waiting for him; I didn't want to hurt anymore. So we talked, fought, cried, hugged for hours and I finally ended up staying over bc the subway wasn't running by the time I was ready to leave. He definitely said that if I stayed over, his feelings wouldn't be different in the morning. But the next morning we stayed in bed, did a little shopping, then I left. He hugged and kissed me and said he didn't want me to go. I still didn't think his feelings had changed; I knew he loved me but thought he just didn't want to be with me. He called me twice that afternoon. I went out with my friends that night and had a lot of fun. I def. had it in my head that we were over and I met a lot of people. I danced with one cute, nice guy and gave him my #. Then the ex(?) called and wanted my friends to come see his new apt. before we went back to mine for the night so we went and he kept telling me he missed me and wanted to hang out. He kept saying he wanted to be with me. Well the guy I met has already been calling me...The ex (?) called me a million times yesterday telling me he wanted me to come hang out w/ him. He took me out to dinner and was being amazingly sweet all night. Back at his place, he basically started crying and saying he wants to be with me. I started crying and said I didn't know...I don't understand how he was so confused one day and so sure the next. I love him and want to be with him but I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm so scared that I'll get back with him and then the same thing will start happening. In a way I feel like I should try dating other guys (obviously not seriously yet) but I don't want to lose my guy and I miss him so much when I'm not with him. I just don't undestand his intentions...is he just worried I'll find someone else? Ahh what is going on? I HATE drama.
Jerkalert Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Trust me when I say this. He is only looking for a booty call.
Candy Cane Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 You should ask him what he wants from you. If he really loves you, why doesn't he ask you to marry him? If he won't do that, he's not that committed...he's still testing the waters and thinking that perhaps something better might come along...or else wanting your affections for free. Either way, you should not be spending the night with him. You need to have more repect for yourself. If it gets late, have him call and pay for a taxi. He's setting you up to feel used and nothing is going to feel worse than that. Trust me.
Candy Cane Posted September 14, 2005 Posted September 14, 2005 He definitely said that if I stayed over, his feelings wouldn't be different in the morning. Oh yeah, and they ALL say that...even the nice guys.
Author sweetie7 Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 Well, we've def. been spending A LOT of time together. I really feel like he wants to make this work. Now I'm having sort of 2nd thoughts. I love him sooo much and really want to be with him but I met so many people without him and am so scared he will leave me again....I definitely do not want him to ask me to marry him!!! I'm not ready for that in my life and know he's not either. He could love me to death and not want to marry me...esp. since he's still in college. Anyway, I think I'm just going to take it easy and see what happens. Love is a pain in the you know what...couldn't live without it though:love:
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