battleworn Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 So I just got back from an online date. Wasn't the most awful two hours of my life, but no sparks either. She laughed at some of my jokes, and we talked about travel, films and books we both liked, but just nothing there. So the question is this: if you had an genuinely nice time, but don't want to see her again, do you just walk away? Or should you end with a note? In this case I sent an e-mail thanking her for a nice night, but noted that obviously neither of us was feeling anything. Is that classy, or just an extra kick in the stomach? I mean she was not in to me either, but it could come across like I wanted to be the first to declare my disinterest. I also felt a little guilty because when we parted I said something idiotic like "see you online maybe" and we walked in opposite directions. She looked a little put out at the remark.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 It's one of those tricky things about a blind date. I think the only time email should be used to express your disinterest is after date #1. Date 2-3 deserves a phone call (not voicemail), and anything beyond date #4 deserves an in-person discussion. As long as your email was respectful of the fact that it was a lack of "spark" or "chemistry" and not anything to do with any specific character or physical flaws you might have perceived, then I think you did the right thing. The sooner you tell the other person what you are or aren't feeling, the better....as you don't make them sit by the phone wondering for days when or if you will call. BTW, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me over the phone...out of the blue....just days after he took me to dinner for our anniversary. Now THAT was totally disrespectful.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Also, another online date story.... A couple of years ago I went on an online date with a guy and about half way through dinner we both acknowleged that we didn't have that "spark", but that we were enjoying the conversation. Instead of heading home after dinner, he asked me if I'd like to go down the street to a little jazz club for a couple of drinks and music. He said, "There's no reason to end the night early." At first, I thought he wasn't "into me", but wanted to try to get casual sex out of the deal. But he was a perfect gentleman. Made no advances....we just talked, and when we were ready to leave he said thanks for the nice evening and wished me luck in finding love. It was the best going-nowhere date I ever had.
Author battleworn Posted September 2, 2005 Author Posted September 2, 2005 No physical attraction problems. I found her quite pretty, in her pics and in person. She knew what I looked liked beforehand as well. To tell you the truth, I was flattered she was talking to me online. I think it was a "what the hell" date, as in "what the hell, we have some things in common, I'll see what he's like in person". Which is why a rejection letter, however mutual and nicely worded, might piss her off. To tell you the truth, I almost wish I had asked her out again, because she'd be cool to hang with for movies or a pint. And maybe ... ah, on to the next candidate. Live and learn.
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