max3732 Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 One of my friends gave me his friend's number and I asked her to lunch and she said yes and that she's excited to meet me. What I'm concerned about with this is that unlike a date w/someone you meet online I'm sure she'll talk talk to my friend about what happened and I'm rather self conscious about coming across badly since we have so many mutual friends. What should my strategy be for the 1st date? Just try and ask her questions and make her laugh? Should I try anything physical like holding her hand?
clueless_4ever Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 Just treat it like any other date. Be kind, courteous, and yourself. You always want to be your best self on a date. Don't worry about what she'll talk about to your mutual friends. The only reason you should be worried about that is if you're planning to hook up or be a jerk to her. Don't stress too much about it! 3
phineas Posted July 17, 2018 Posted July 17, 2018 Who cares? He's your bro right? He doesn't need to hear from a woman friend about you. He already knows. I just went through that. i can care less what she said about me to him because he will know if it's BS or not. And we will have a good laugh.
snowboy91 Posted July 17, 2018 Posted July 17, 2018 The enthusiastic yes to the date is already a great first step. The whole point of a first date is to get to know the person, so the fact that this girl is a friend of a friend means it's more likely to go well, because presumably you will share interests with your mutual friend. In any case it's highly unlikely to go catastrophically bad, so at the least you'll have a new friend. The strategy is to have fun! And don't be a jerk. Which is the rule for any date anyway.
mortensorchid Posted July 17, 2018 Posted July 17, 2018 Treat her like you would any other you would have a date with. They (as in your friend and the date) might have a chat afterward about it. The friend who "set it up", is this a woman or a man friend? Because women will talk to each other about it, if it's a woman/man friend situation, they may not except confirm "yes I met him thanks, things went alright". Depends on how tight they are.
Doost Posted July 17, 2018 Posted July 17, 2018 THe gentlemanly thing to do is get her drunk and into something more comfortable your bed.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 17, 2018 Posted July 17, 2018 What should my strategy be for the 1st date? To be yourself.
Author max3732 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Posted July 17, 2018 Treat her like you would any other you would have a date with. They (as in your friend and the date) might have a chat afterward about it. The friend who "set it up", is this a woman or a man friend? Because women will talk to each other about it, if it's a woman/man friend situation, they may not except confirm "yes I met him thanks, things went alright". Depends on how tight they are. Friend who set it up is a man. He knows or hangs out around a lot of my other friends. Hopefully they won't talk a lot about it.
Author max3732 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Posted July 17, 2018 Well? What happened? We're waiting … Hasn't happened yet. I'll be sure to post here afterwards how things go. Again, I have no idea about her other than her name. I tend to get extremely nervous with these dates, but I figure the more experience the better.
Author max3732 Posted July 17, 2018 Author Posted July 17, 2018 oh yuk...a blind date? Yep. I recently did a speed dating event and went out with someone I met online so hopefully I won't be nervous. I've heard most people meet their spouses through friends and he's the only friend that's ever set me up with someone so I'm not sure what to expect. He said all his other friends are married, which I can understand because almost all my other friends who live near me are married.
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 I met my husband sort of through friends. They didn't set us up, I noticed him first and asked about him. The blind date thing never worked for me. Good luck tho...you just never know.
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 I don't much care for gossipy people. Since the mutual friend who set you up is a man, I don't think he's going to be into the whole post date dissection with this woman, the way say her female friend would want to analyze everything. Just be yourself & if you get post-date feedback, listen if it's valid. For example if she tells the mutual friend she doesn't want to date you again because you chewed with your mouth open or something address your table manners before your next date. If she criticizes a fundamental truth about who you are, know it's OK for you to walk away
coolheadal Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 Hasn't happened yet. I'll be sure to post here afterwards how things go. Again, I have no idea about her other than her name. I tend to get extremely nervous with these dates, but I figure the more experience the better. Remember these are not online folks so these are real people. Act like you do in person and you should be okay. Don't over do it either. It good you have friends that can suggest friends you can kinda date and might have a chance having something with them? Hopefully it goes well.. Best of Luck!
kendahke Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 One of my friends gave me his friend's number and I asked her to lunch and she said yes and that she's excited to meet me. What I'm concerned about with this is that unlike a date w/someone you meet online I'm sure she'll talk talk to my friend about what happened and I'm rather self conscious about coming across badly since we have so many mutual friends. What should my strategy be for the 1st date? Just try and ask her questions and make her laugh? Should I try anything physical like holding her hand? So you're more worried about how you're going to look to your friend instead of worrying about if you even like the girl enough to give a rip? NO--don't hold her hand. That's creepy unless you two have an unmistakable attraction within the first half an hour. An unmistakable attraction is one where you don't feel a burning need to come here and ask us about it. You'll know it when it drops.
kendahke Posted July 18, 2018 Posted July 18, 2018 Friend who set it up is a man. He knows or hangs out around a lot of my other friends. Hopefully they won't talk a lot about it. People are going to talk. Get used to it. It's what people do, especially if they know one another. Conduct yourself in a manner in which no one can take hold of you.
Author max3732 Posted July 21, 2018 Author Posted July 21, 2018 Figured I should post on here after the date. Turns out she knows even more people than I thought, including people I went to school with and my neighbors. Definitely not anonymous like with internet dating! She's very sharp, opinionated, and has a number of different interests. I enjoyed our conversation and there were only a couple lulls where I was trying to figure out what to say. The only thing I didn't like is part of it felt like a job interview... where do you live? What year did you graduate... where did you go to college. I tried to ask questions and talk about things she was interested in, but also shared quite a bit about me. She definitely works hard and seems like a great person. I wouldn't say I disliked spending time with her, but I wouldn't say I was so excited I can't wait to see her again either. The conversation for the most part flowed pretty well and it was a lot of "what do you think of ..." and then agreeing or describing things. What do I do now?
basil67 Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 The only thing I didn't like is part of it felt like a job interview... where do you live? What year did you graduate... where did you go to college. Cut her some slack on this one: All perfectly normal 'getting to know you' questions. She definitely works hard and seems like a great person. I wouldn't say I disliked spending time with her, but I wouldn't say I was so excited I can't wait to see her again either. The conversation for the most part flowed pretty well and it was a lot of "what do you think of ..." and then agreeing or describing things. What do I do now? All in all it sounded like a good date. But if you felt that it didn't gel, then I guess you move on. I assume you're not lacking in potential dates?
Author max3732 Posted July 21, 2018 Author Posted July 21, 2018 Cut her some slack on this one: All perfectly normal 'getting to know you' questions. All in all it sounded like a good date. But if you felt that it didn't gel, then I guess you move on. I assume you're not lacking in potential dates? Definitely perfectly normal 'getting to know you' questions. Just the tone seemed like it was scripted. Maybe she was nervous too. Just the opposite as far as lacking potential dates. This was the 1st non-online or speed dating one in years. I'm not sure how to tell if it did gel or not. My last girlfriend I didn't care much for when I first met her, but after spending sometime with her really started to like her.
act00 Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 Maybe one or two more dates won't hurt to see if you gel better. You seem to be really hung up on the fact that you have a lot of common friends, and you're worried a lot about projecting yourself well to the gossip that may (or may not) occur, and this is holding you back from relaxing and enjoying and getting to know her. If you feel this relationship is "too close for comfort" with mixing up friendships, you may wish to call it off. It's like dipping your pen in company ink; you have to consider the ramifications of this relationship as it pertains to your life. If an outsider doesn't work out, they typically go back to being an outsider. This woman is knee deep in your personal world, and you can't escape it if things don't work out. Make a choice on where you want to go with this potential relationship so you can relax.
Author max3732 Posted July 23, 2018 Author Posted July 23, 2018 Maybe one or two more dates won't hurt to see if you gel better. You seem to be really hung up on the fact that you have a lot of common friends, and you're worried a lot about projecting yourself well to the gossip that may (or may not) occur, and this is holding you back from relaxing and enjoying and getting to know her. If you feel this relationship is "too close for comfort" with mixing up friendships, you may wish to call it off. It's like dipping your pen in company ink; you have to consider the ramifications of this relationship as it pertains to your life. If an outsider doesn't work out, they typically go back to being an outsider. This woman is knee deep in your personal world, and you can't escape it if things don't work out. Make a choice on where you want to go with this potential relationship so you can relax. The thing is I don't really know how I feel about her yet, but the "too close for comfort" thought is in the back of my head. I don't know how to explain it, but I don't like to mix friends from different parts of my life. Now that I've had a chance to think about it the thing that bothered me was that she kept pushing and pushing for names and specifics for things and people so she not only got under my skin by knowing so many common people, but also that she was such a name dropper. I was also a bit upset with myself for some of the stories that I told and thought I maybe went into too much detail on some obscure hobbies/interests that I have. I also got so nervous that I could barely talk in the beginning felt like a was starting to shake from being so nervous. That being said, we have a ton of things in common professionally and also have very similar travel interests and are both pretty into fitness. We talked for a really long time and even after all that time I still don't know what to think. I also don't know how to evaluate a potential girlfriend/wife
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