Streetlight23 Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 Hey all! I'm looking for some advice on how I have been feeling lately with dating and relationships in general. The past few months have been really awful for me when it comes to dating and possibly stemming from that, being overall happy. Some specifics: Last date I had was about 2 months ago when I asked one of my neighbors who just moved in to dinner as a "get to know each other" feeler. Date went well but was not someone I would consider dating long term so never went past that 1 date. Dont really talk anymore as we have had some arguments about her roommates. (parking cars on my property type of thing). Last girl I dated was about 4 months ago. Dated for about 2 months but I didnt see me seeing her long term so I broke it off. Biggest reason was she was sarcastic about EVERYTHING. She gave me a hard time one date because I opened the car door for her. "Why did you open the car door for me? Do you think I cant do it myself? haha" I was really taken aback by that. I firmly believe and I quote a movie here "Good manners are just a way of showing other people you have respect for them" I'm really high on the respect thing. I try to be respectful to everyone, even when I think they don't deserve it. One of the things I have been working on is learning that not everyone deserves my respect and I should stop giving people the time of day that clearly don't share my same viewpoint on respect. When it comes to dating, I feel like I'm in a catch 22. I do OLD. Cant stand it but it is a tool to meet new women. I send messages, some respond, most dont. No big deal. I do get slightly agitated when they respond or send me a first message, we talk for a few days, I ask them out and then goes no where/no response. I get that its typical, but the fact its typical is what agitates me. Especially when they reach out to me first! Why reach out if you just plan to freak out when I ask you out and don't respond? I know that I don't deserve a response from a woman as to her, I am a complete stranger, but would it be so bad to want to not be ignored? I cant fathom the idea of not responding to being asked out! If a girl asked me out after talking for a few days, even if I didn't want to go or couldn't, I would at least be respectful enough to warrant a response of honesty. I guess that's not the way the world works? In real life, I really havent been successful recently. Its because my self-esteem has been on the down turn. Plus I HATE being put in those types of situations. For example, if I go out with some friends, I am out to be with them and enjoy their company. Yes, there will be amazing looking women around us, but I am not there for that. I dont like going out with my guy friends with the goal of trying to get laid. Its like going grocery shopping to buy food to eat for dinner that night and never think about/talk to again. Its so disrespectful! No wonder women are so hesitant about guys that approach them in bars/clubs. I feel 8/10 times thats exactly what happens. Thats not me and never will be. I've met women in bars/clubs but it was usually I was there for something else. (watching the game, celebrating a birthday, etc). I'll admit I am a bit of a loner. I dont "need" anyone to be sufficient and do things on my own all the time. Usually working on my art projects or trying to build my businesses. I do suffer from some mild social anxiety, as in I feel uncomfortable when being put into situations I wasn't prepared for. It may be the reason why I dislike the above situation. I thought we were here to catch up, but then I get ditched or forced to walk around the bar and talk to random women because thats what the group wants to do. It tires me out to no end and really don't like it. I feel like I am a normal, boundary setting guy (not clingy, or fake nice) but my lack of romantic relationships makes me feel like I am doing something not necessarily wrong, but not doing what I should be or need to be doing to be more successful when it comes to dating. So I ask the great people of LS, is there something I should be working on or change to be more successful in this area? And please if you need/want more information about me, just ask
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 If you feel your self esteem is slipping, do something to improve it. You don't have to go all the way to therapy. Maybe read a self help book or two. I'm currently reading Perfectly Yourself by Matthew Kelly; fair warning it's a Catholic book & there is a lot about God in it. It's not everybody's cup of tea. I think it would be OK for you to be more open to new people when you are out & about with friends. While hooking up doesn't have to be your primary goal, if the opportunity to interact with a quality new person presents itself don't shut that down just because you hadn't pre-planned it. Do keep your manners & high expectations. Eventually you will find a like minded person
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