Jamess1 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 I came for support, not further judgement. Yes it has 10000 per cent crossed my mind about how stupid I feel about not reading into the warning signs and marrying someone like this. At the start it was just "I don't want you to worry about the finances, I will look after it" . . . Bt is he really after it ? Besides complaining abt knowing his salary, it seems he is paying the bills, food, school fees etc so ? Why do want to know his salary, u want to control like every other wife, make ever increasing demands when u know his salary, new car, latest t.v, etc
Jamess1 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 . . .He's treating you this way because 1) he's selfish and 2) you're not doing anything to stop him.! So the husband works, pays all the bills, food, school fees, all the expenses, and he is selfish becoz he wont tell her how much he earns U r nt entitled to his money, only your money
Jamess1 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Backstory. Mine and my husbands relationship has always not been easy. We have gotten along well...until it comes to finances. It's a clashing point, he will not disclose his finances to me, I could honestly not even garner an estimate to his wage.. . . . Husband works up at 8am, works up to 6pm, you don't work at all 'nt bashn', he pays for all the needs at home, ALL and yet u feel entitled to his money . . "We have gotten along well...until it comes to finances I dont blame him for cheating if he is, which I doubt. You screaming to your husband, 'money',married u for your money, I want your money, you r a good guy, we are happy together, u are responsible, but I still want your money, u r a money utility . . .payn bills aint enough, i want to control your money If he met a woman who values him as a man,before his paycheck, I would advice him to leave you E.g Most wives love meetn their husbands needs in the bed room, most husbands cn ask for seks from their wives, and thats okay, bt there a thin line between making your wife feel like a seks object, she cn even start to resent seks, is this all I am to him?. Wife must feel like, 'hubby wants seks with me becoz he loves me, nt he loves me becoz I hv seks with him' And everybody here makes u feel like the victim, and hubby as bad guy, all becoz of his money, he doesnt spend on his family . . Reverse the gender, what if was the stay at home dad, and were the working spouse ?
TheRainbow Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 It's his money, he earns it nt her. Why does she desperating want to know his money, curiousity ? They are married. My entire marriage I knew how much money my husband made and he did as well. She wants to know because they are supposed to be a unit, and that is what should be happening in a marriage.
Scarlet2 Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 He’s not having an affair with someone he spends five nights a week with, he’s having a double life. She probably doesn’t even know about you. He leaves her early in the morning and she doesn’t question it because that’s when he “goes to work” which he does after he takes a few seconds to say hi to you. She’s playing the wife and you’re the affair partner. Divorce him if you’re not interested in poly, he’s made his choice.
Confuseddad Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 Without honesty you’ve got nothing. That’s a basic you start from I think think. It would seem obvious to me he is having an affair. Things sometimes are much re clear for others on the way outside of the relationship. I think we all have our judgment clouded by love. You definitely should see a lawyer. I feel for you as I know what all this is like. It’s tough but take it slow look after yourself. You will be ok.
mrs rubble Posted July 20, 2018 Posted July 20, 2018 So the husband works, pays all the bills, food, school fees, all the expenses, and he is selfish becoz he wont tell her how much he earns U r nt entitled to his money, only your money He is selfish because he's having an affair and not thinking about his wives feelings firstly! Are you OP's husband?? 1
beautiful_day Posted July 21, 2018 Posted July 21, 2018 OP you are mighty! You've got this. Google Chump Lady for emotional support. You will find strength in her blog. Your house is on fire, and you need to get the arsonist out. To do that you need practical help. I know exactly what it is like to be a woman with no livable income, seemingly trapped. It is incredibly common. You are not an idiot, and this is not your fault. I think the "free consultation" with a lawyer is a myth. I never found one. I did however have an initial, no obligation consultation, which cost me about $150. I didn't use that lawyer, but she gave me enormous strength to move forward. She was used to dealing with this s**t. Tell him you need the $150 for something else, and go and take that first step. You'll be astonished at how much better you feel. Go to your library and speak to a reference librarian and find out how to access legal advice for free. If your local library is too small to have a decent librarian, ask the central library for your state, or the state library. You need the Reference Desk and you need a qualified MLIS librarian. Libraries are there for your information needs, and you need information. If you feel too anxious to visit or call, email them with a clear question. If you are not in the US, the same principal applies. I was a high anxiety woman with a part-time job who moved to a new area, and so had no real-life support, when I discovered that my husband had been living a double life for 6 YEARS! He had two households! He was also deceitful with money (obviously!) I finally told him "I'm not playing this game any more" and took the leap to freedom. I told EVERYONE. I was amazed to see how people rallied around me. I called them my posse. 4 years later, I live by the beach, have a graduate degree, my dream job, and a fantastic new husband. I took spousal support for a year to get on my feet, and then told him to stick it. I can pay my own bills now. He's married to the other woman, and she's welcome to him. She's ugly and he's aged badly. Listen, are you really going to let this woman make plans for YOUR family? I bet they have all kinds of plans which involve screwing you over. Take control of it, you can have the break down later. And if I were you, once I'd secretly got all my ducks in a row, I pack him a suitcase and take the divorce papers over to her house. Tell him never to darken your door again, because a TIGRESS lives there now!!!
sandylee1 Posted July 22, 2018 Posted July 22, 2018 This is not a marriage worth staying in. Tell him you're filing for a divorce. He doesn't care about you or respect you. If you can find pay slips or bank statements or would be useful.
Recommended Posts