confusionari Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 Hello all, about a year ago I started dating a coworker. She is amazing, thoughtful, giving, helpful and I am in love with her. When we met, she told me she still lived with her ex but they had been separated for about a year, they were raising their 7 yo daughter and his 10 yo daughter whom only visits on weekends. She explained that their relationship was "complicated" and so I inquired. They had sex once a month, whenever each was in the mood, they slept in separate rooms and she cooked, cleaned, laundry, shopping and still packed his work clothes for his trips, but they were not a couple. Well, after we got a bit more serious, she claimed most of the duties, besides cooking, shopping and cleaning were no longer done by her. It is his house, he owns it, and she is just living there paying rent. After a few weeks of hanging out with her, I thought I would find her on Facebook to kind of see what she was all about, sure enough, there she was. She had mentioned a week prior she had deactivated her account 2 years previous, so I confronted her asking why she is still active and she claimed it was weird there were things on her page when she hadnt used it in 2 years. I didnt think much of it until I realized she was posting things that she was telling me she had done those past few weeks. I again asked and all of the sudden her page vanished, well, she blocked me. So, I looked at his and she was tagged in several posts but I couldnt access her page. I let it all go and moved forward. Over the next few months she would spend alot of time with me after work and stayed the night once or twice, finally I mentioned if I could stay at her place, I did and it was nice to be able to see her living space. One night she decided to stay with me and was immediately guilt tripped the next day because he has cameras outside of the house and saw her leave late and come home early, he had been watching her. He knew of me, I met him at a small marathon I attended with her, so he wasnt unaware of me. All of the sudden she comes to me and says he wants her back, he wants to marry her, he wants her to himself, she decides to break it off with me for only a few days and then tells him it will never work, so we got back together. Back story with him, he has cheated on her several times in the past (which is why they split), he is addicting to dating sites and porn, he is possessive but a "nice" guy to everyone else, even me! Ha! As a result of him seeing she had stayed with me he tried booting her out of the house but kept telling her to come back, because lets face it, the dude is useless without her, as a result, she is still there, 8 months later. She has been looking to buy her own home and keeps telling me once she does things will be different and he will be out of her life for the most part, she has been saying this for months. I have given her keys to my house, she has met my mother twice while she was visiting from out of state and I have only met hers once and they live 20 miles away. I am never invited to her parents house for holidays or gatherings but he is. I have met her daughter a few times in secret and I feel as if I am a third fiddle. I have kept nothing from her, put my trust in her and have shown an extreme amount of patience. She has done many nice things for me but she continues to stay in her situation with him, I often wonder what I dont know. Relating to the Facebook thing again, and this isnt about Facebook, I dont care about that, what I care about is honesty, I found her profile to be active again so I confronted her about a month ago, she claims she hasnt been on it at all this year and it must be him or his friends hacking her account. Well, turns out Facebook has a nifty was of searching post and photos and she has been active all year and will still not admit it. My thoughts are this, she is submissive to him, he gets off on her having a boyfriend, and likely still has a relationship with him unknown to me because she is hiding something if not many things...am I wrong to feel I am being deceived?
smackie9 Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 Really? That's what you are worried about? You should just walk and never get involved with a married woman. I don't give a rat's butt what she has told you....she is still married to this guy and still having some kind of relaitonship. You are wasting your time trying to chase after her. You are just a rebound at best, and there is no future with her.
Author confusionari Posted July 16, 2018 Author Posted July 16, 2018 Thanks for the response, they were never married. It could be a rebound but it has been a year. I think my concerns go beyond just kicking the situation to the curb, however, that likely is the best solution. I just want the truth, unfortunately, she is incapable of it.
kendahke Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 I hate to say it, but you're the other man in this. Her feelings for him are stronger than her feelings for you. The facebook nonsense is just that---nonesense. You're messing with a taken woman. She'll never be yours---and she's cheating on him with you. If that relationship didn't mean anything to her, she'd have never taken him back.
kendahke Posted July 16, 2018 Posted July 16, 2018 Thanks for the response, they were never married. It could be a rebound but it has been a year. I think my concerns go beyond just kicking the situation to the curb, however, that likely is the best solution. I just want the truth, unfortunately, she is incapable of it. But yet, you're all pressed about facebook. You got the truth. You're her rebound. Doesn't matter how long it's been--you were the first and she's already kicked you out to be with him. This is their foreplay and you got all caught up in it. She isn't done with him by a long shot. She's using you to mark time.
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