Ab455 Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 my ex girlfriend wanted to go on break after a small disagreement and said for like two weeks. after the two weeks she said we would meet back up but never did and backed out, during that time she would list out everything i have done the past 1-2 years and then it would start a argument and she would go "see this is why we shouldn't be together". she would reject my invites to dinner, movie or to go somewhere or talk as a couple and would say she just needs space and time but would say she misses me. But at the end of the two weeks and going as i mentioned before " this is why we shouldn't be together" she broke it off via text and then texts me as usual but she will say she wants to get back together and I'll say then lets do something then or talk, she will go i don't know or I'm not ready yet, i need time or she will say were not partners anymore. Other then doing that she lists out every little thing i did wrong the past two years and when i tell her maybe she should go out and date someone else she takes it as a insult. But she will do things like, i told her the i love you and then then telling me all this past mistakes make me not trust your stability or what you mean. she responded with " then we both don't trust each other maybe we should never get back together at all" which sums up her erratic behavior when hours before she was saying she wanted to talk to me because she loved me and wanted us back together. she will also do things like start a argument by listing out something i did from the years and then going " i wanted to see you tomorrow but just forget it" then when the argument cools, i try to be nice and ask if she still wanted to see me. she will just say i can't I'm not ready to see or call you . I don't really understand it and if it's just a game or if she's just a erratic person and i need to go NC and stay away from her.
coolheadal Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 Tell me why are you letting her get to you this way? I'll tell you just drop and run and get on with your own life!
Author Ab455 Posted July 15, 2018 Author Posted July 15, 2018 I mostly tolerate it due to the fact , we were supposed to get married in a few months and the last time i saw her during that bickering she said she still wanted to, she used to be my best friend i always spoke to and went everywhere with and she was the one who told me how to better communicate and she supported me through my rough times as well as good. I still hold onto that person, even though since last February she became more and more distant and had excuses for it. Now after my grandfather passed she was to busy to even ask if i was okay and went to a vigil for a local event but did not bother to ask if i was alright. When i called her on it, she went there kids.
coolheadal Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 I mostly tolerate it due to the fact , we were supposed to get married in a few months and the last time i saw her during that bickering she said she still wanted to, she used to be my best friend i always spoke to and went everywhere with and she was the one who told me how to better communicate and she supported me through my rough times as well as good. I still hold onto that person, even though since last February she became more and more distant and had excuses for it. Now after my grandfather passed she was to busy to even ask if i was okay and went to a vigil for a local event but did not bother to ask if i was alright. When i called her on it, she went there kids. Back off and let her be and you go and do something else. Get on with your life. She's not ready for anything now with you and maybe never will ever come around to your level. But you seem to be the type to wait and see. Keep waiting and not seeing anything come out of this with her. Like she doesn't really care...
ExpatInItaly Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 This back-and-forth is typical of people who have met someone else but are unsure if it's going to work, so they yo-yo their exes around until they figure it out. Just something to consider.
act00 Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 This relationship has reached an end, my dear. I know it's hard to hear and you don't want to accept it, but it's over. She's stringing you along. She misses you, and I'm sure she's genuine in that, but she misses you as the fantasy and not the guy you are, and she's resentful and wishy-washy...she doesn't know what she wants...you don't need to be her social experiment. Greenstamping is not cool. I'm sorry, but work on the issues and let them go. Greenstamping and bringing back issues from the past, and making you apologize repeatedly for something you did or said back in 1998, is not cool, and it's a clear indication she's going to harbor resentment forever over every mistake and every indescretion (as if she's perfect), and it's an excuse to hold you at arm's length, but keep you snugged on the line. You need to make this choice to sever because she won't do it. You're so much better than that, and WHY do you want to be with someone who whips out a laundry list of every fault and every mistake and every flaw you have exhibited over two year's time? She clearly sees very little in you. She doesn't want to officially break it off...she's waiting for you to finally catch a clue and move on. It's immature on her part, but, dude, you've got to catch the hint here, "She's just not into you." Move on. If she comes back and tells you she misses you and wants to try again, tell her that you have moved on. No more contact. Done and done. Seriously, you deserve way more and way better. To have to defend yourself against everything you've done or said over the entirety of the two years of your relationship...every time you entertain getting back together? No. You as a person can work on improving upon yourself if you messed up or or went about things the wrong way...it's what we do as humans...we learn and grow...but you can't be in a relationship where something like this is forever over your head and used as ammo. It's a very unhealthy relationship. Let her go.
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 (edited) It’s been back and forth because she expects you to be and act a certain way but you don’t so she gets frustrated with you. In her mind you shouldn’t have to be told in every detail that you should just know. All this being on a break and maybe meet to talk is a test. She is always testing you, that is why she is being passive aggressive. It’s border-line abuse. You two are incompatible, and I’m not talking not having the same taste in movies but just personally and expectations. Over the last couple of years you both have changed and evolved into different people. The relationship has run it’s course and it’s time to call it quits. Cut her off from calling the shots. Get your life back and go forward without her. Edited July 15, 2018 by smackie9
preraph Posted July 15, 2018 Posted July 15, 2018 Well, she's not irrational. She keeps telling you she has issues with you and all you do in response is ask her out again and sounds like you're just blowing off the possibility of doing something about the things she hates about you. So if it's nothing you can or will change, you need to just break up. She only wants you if you change these things she doesn't like about you.
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