Drake Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 What are some of the ways a guy can tell if he's in the friendzone? What's the difference between the way you treat a guy who is a friend and who you are attracted to? I was discussing this with a friend, and I was arguing that touch for example is not a telling sign of anything, because girls will touch their guy friends just as they do the guys they are flirting with. I'm sure a lot of guys beyond just myself can benefit with this wisdom. Help us avoid awkward situations in misreading signs!
phyrespryte Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 What I do to guys I think of as "friends" - talk about other guys that I like - ask them for their opinions on the guys that I like - try to hook them up with my friends Basically if I like a guy I'll treat him different from all the other guys. Sometimes I'll be extra shy, other times I'll be real flirty. But if you're a "friend" I'll treat you like one of the girls. I suppose it's the same way for guys?
Merin Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 What I do to guys I think of as "friends" - talk about other guys that I like - ask them for their opinions on the guys that I like - try to hook them up with my friends QUOTE] LOL I think we all try to hook our Guy Friends up with our Girl Friends:laugh: Those are some great examples! To the OP... instead of looking for signs she's NOT into you or all about it, look for the signs she IS... 1) Eye contact 2) Uses your name a lot when she's talking to you 3) Doesn't tell you about other Guys she's dated or may crush on 4) Finds reasons to be close to you... while touching isn't always a clear sign of interest it is still a good one, as long as she isn't touching your arm to push you the hell outta the way when she see's her crush coming you can take her touching you when she doesn't need to be as a sign of interest. 5) Mirrors your body laungage
Jayhawks Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 Does she want to sleep with you? They usually don't want to sleep with their friends. Does she want to kiss you? They don't kiss their friends. Does she act jealous about other women you are seeing? They are not jealous if you are a friend. Does she talk about other guys around you? They will talk about other guys if you are a friend.
Shandy Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 yes, what the others say. If I'm out alone with a guy that I'm not interested in, I always insist that I pay for my share. That way it feels less like a date.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 1. If there is flirting, it is fleeting, generic and distant flirting (no real sexual intent) - more the type of attention getting stuff rather than "I want you now" type stuff - any kisses are dry, quick and on the cheek. There is always a clear and tacit understanding that it is all in good fun and not serious by any means. Flirting with him is no more special or different than harmless flirting with anyone else. 2. No lingering touches or glances or long body-conforming hugs. 3. If there is a hug, it is done mostly from the side with the lower body angled away from his and there is usually a 'pat' on the back and not that nice 'roaming hands' thing that I do when I'm with someone I want. 4. No major eye contact. 5. No particular effort to look sexy or attractive for him. 6. Much mention of how he should date women, or finding ways to suggest 'moves' or dating tactics for him to use on OTHER women. 7. I won't go out of my way to make or answer phone calls or emails from him like I do with a person I really want to be with. 8. I won't make time to see him, rather I'll see him if I happen to have time and there is nothing else that has come up. I'll sometimes not show up, or will cancel - whereas I'll go out of my way to be with someone I really want. 9. I pay my own way, and usually don't let him open doors for me or do gestures like that - I'll beat him to them, usually. 10. I will drop the 'f' word (friend) a lot. 11. I'll call attention to things that I would try to hide from a guy that I'm attracted to - either I'll talk about how I think my tummy is chubby, or my period cramps, or I'll spit, burp - whatever - stuff that I wouldn't even DREAM of doing around a guy that I want to sleep with. 12. I'll have the body language going - 'closed off' and 'not receptive' around him. 13. I'll talk about people I've f*cked or want to f*ck - stuff that might ruin the chances with someone I really want to be with - but is ok to talk about with someone who I don't want to get in their pants. 14. My language use is casual, coarse, aggressive and laid back - types of stuff that I wouldn't say around someone I wanted to impress and sleep with.
Cecelius Posted September 2, 2005 Posted September 2, 2005 The right answer from the man's perspective is basically "who cares." Yes there are signs, and yes they are hidden in that magic way that women like to camouflage things, but in the end, with some baseline signs (as noted above) he just makes his move because he's not going to get destroyed if he's shot down.
Author Drake Posted September 3, 2005 Author Posted September 3, 2005 There are some excellent, detailed responses here. This website is like a cheat sheet for the opposite sex. How about when a woman invites you to go somewhere with her (like live music, art show, etc.)? Would you invite a guy who you only see as a friend to a non-group situation out like that? And if so, what's the difference between you inviting a guy you like out and inviting out just a male friend?
Saidar Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 I'm always confused when it comes to this situation: I got a friend(she's 16, I'm 17), we've been friends for 18 months. I always loved her but she resisted, until recently she looked to be more interested in me. She sends me text messages every day, she tells me I'm cute over the phone, she tells me she miss me(after I sound very suprised, she quickly snaps in "no as a friend") she even gave me some sexy photos of herself(not porn!). In my opinion I think this is signs of taking the relationship one step further... Am I wrong?
Jayhawks Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Your wrong. She's just a tease. A women usually will not move from the friends zone to lover after 18 months. She knows you like her and she enjoys your attention and messing with your head.
Saidar Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Maybe you are right.... But she's not that type of girl. She will never try to hurt her friends, that I'm sure of. But I'm going to ask her myself. See what her reaction is
hoppy28 Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 youll realize as you get older that even though you may think she's "not that type of girl" she could very well many of the things you read about on this board. for instance................i got myself wrapped up in a bad situation. this girl cheats on her boyfriend of 6 years(tells me after). she assures me "i dont want you think im that type of girl.........i never though of doing anything like this until i met you". she broke up with him 3 days later, strung me on for a month with affection, nice words, sex. she disapeared a month later.......only to find out she was with another guy. she is probably saying all the same things she said to me. you can never be to carefull. sometimes people can make you overlook the obvious. some people may lead you to beleive for years that they are "perfect". thats when the feelings may change and you may feel otherwise.
Saidar Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 I hear what you are saying, but that's entirely not my situation here. She is the type of girl that looks like a slut, she will attract guys just to tell them to get lost. But inside she's entirely a different person. And she shares that part of her with me.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 In my opinion I think this is signs of taking the relationship one step further... Am I wrong? after I sound very suprised, she quickly snaps in "no as a friend" When she says "as a friend" that means that all bets in terms of making it a relationship are off and she will feel nary a guilt or concern because she has covered her bases by dropping the 'f' word on you. You are an ego booster, and she does this stuff to keep you firmly in your place as her "friend". If you want to end the confusion, tell her that you have feelings for her and want to date her and that because of this if she isn't interested in that then you will need to protect your heart by either ending the friendship or forcing her into a state of platonic friendship where you will not allow, tolerate or return any 'flirting' type behavior, words or actions. Neither will be easy, given how much you have invested - but you have to understand that her investment in you may not be less, but its not the same type of investment you need and want from her. Hers is primarily selfish.
Saidar Posted September 3, 2005 Posted September 3, 2005 Thanks Lucrezia, that makes a lot of sense. I'm going to talk to her about this
Recommended Posts